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Old 02-13-2018, 04:53 AM  
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MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
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Default Re: mentally ****ed up

Originally Posted by JustAnUntakenName View Post
I used to feel the same, but I don't want to give up just yet.

I didn't ask to exist, same as everything else in this universe. It's not my fault that I'm different from the mass majority. And frankly, I'd kill myself before assimilating into their retarded ranks. **** all the normals, **** how weak they are, and **** - even more - how they want us to assimilate into them because they think themselves a worthwhile standard to strive for.

They don't have the same capacity as us to experience things fully - they're lesser than animals as far as I am concerned, to be tolerated when useful and exterminated when not. We may be incapacitated by how intensely we experience things, but if we can learn to manage that intensity we can become much, much stronger than they can. They can't even begin to imagine the pain we regularly experience; I'd bet my life if faced with the same intensity of pain for the same amount of time as us they would fall far deeper than we do - we've lived with it, we can survive it, they cant.

Use your hurt and hatred to drive yourself forward and defeat them all. Push harder, prove them wrong, step on them, crush them, make them feel sorry that they live. because if anyone should feel that way it is them. Make them hurt with the same intensity as you, because only through personal experience can they really begin to grasp the us. And if they are beyond the ability to comprehend get rid of them because they are wasted resources.

With all that said, you'll need to work on accepting a few things. These things will be difficult to accept, but once you manage it you'll be strong.
* You need to accept that you will be alone, you will, there's no way around it - accept it.
* Accept that nobody can help you even the willing ones, and that a very small number of people will be willing even among the "professionals" who are supposed to be able to- and suppose to want to help. Help is not coming, help yourself.
* Accept that you will need to put on a mask and pretend to form relationships to get what you want in life from normals. To this end, study people, study how they function emotionally and socially and learn how to manipulate them in that way. Never make it known that you are manipulating them because then it all falls apart. But NEVER lose yourself, when you are alone recenter yourself; NEVER lose who you really are.
* THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT: Do not dwell on your hurt, hatred, etc. Use it, yes, but don't dwell and drown in it - because if you dwell on how you got hurt or on how hurt it feels you will not be able to focus on building strategies and producing excellent work. Hate them, but don't let the hate control you - you must control the hate, direct it.

Don't kill yourself, because then there's even less of us and more of them. They should not be allowed to win.
I love all of this. OMG this is how I feel but have been afraid to say it or let it roll around in my active thoughts because it makes me feel so much more out of place.
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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