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Old 11-03-2017, 03:21 PM  
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Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: The Netherlands
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Default relapse anorexia - recovery is harder?

Hi y'all,

Since my 16th I have anorexia nervosa. After a number of years (inpatient) treatments, I recovered. I never reached a healthy weight though, but my underweight wasn't dangerously low anymore and I was barely bothered by my eating disorder.
I am now 27 years old and 2.5 years ago I had a relapse. I never expected that I would ever get to this point again.
I made some progress this year. And in recent months, I had a lot of hope. I felt things slightly changed in my head and I was really motivated to get better .
But since last week I am becoming a bit desperate. My weight gain went too fast in my opinion and I want to go back to a certain weight because I didn't had enough time to get used to that certain weight at the time. So, i want to see that number again. So I can get used to it and then get back to my current weight, at an achievable pace.
But last days the voice has become very strong. I'm trying to follow a certain menu and eat certain stuff, but once I want to get it, I start to doubt and throw it away.
I hope this is just a slip and the thoughts and fears become less, just like it was before.

In any case, it turns out that the relapse in last 2 years is so much more difficult to recover from, comparing to the beginning of my illness. Is this common? In this relapse, I feel worse than at the beginning of my illness, mentally and physically. The battle also feels more difficult. When I was 16, it also took me several years to recover and it wasn't easy whatsoever, but now it seems like the progress is slower and the eating disorder behavior is even worse.
I wonder if there are people who recognize themselves a little and how you dealed with a relapse. What really helped you?
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