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Old 05-13-2017, 07:58 AM
Fractured Infant Fractured Infant is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 22
Fractured Infant Fractured Infant is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto
Posts: 22

2 yr Member
Default Re: NPD Things That Help

Thanks for your response. Getting support from someone who actually understands means a lot. I have another question. Do you think fundamentally life should be a struggle, or should it be easy? What I mean is if I have a solid balanced grasp of the world and how things really work, should life flow easily or should I always struggle to do the right thing? I was raised to think that life is a desperate struggle of good conquering evil and that it is very hard to do the right thing. Basically life is a test. My opinion of myself ... I failed horribly, I took the easy route, I went to the evil side. Do people actually think that about me? Would an average person judge me that way? It's so hard to say, I have zero perspective here. Seems like a blind spot. My wife would say yes I am evil, and she knows me best. She has told me I am evil. In the past I constantly struggled against it, like a fly in a web, struggling with no hope of escape. Now I just accept it. In a way this is worse because my marriage has failed and I accept it. In reality my marriage failed a long time ago, I just couldn't acknowledge it. I do see that when I force myself to make good choices I feel good about it. I feel good with the result, and I get as much energy from the fact that I did the right thing. The problem is when I make bad choices it is also a double whammy to the negative side. So I have always been in this ride. Stop the ride I want to get off ... lol. So for me I guess I have to agree, doing the right thing, living a good life, is an extremely difficult struggle. But should it be that way? I feel like there should be more peace and harmony in life than there is in mine, and I feel like I make my own problems. But why and how to stop.
Well I think I went off the rails with this post. However I think in this mess there is something, a hint at the real problem, so I will leave it. Thanks for reading if you got this far ... lol!
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