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Unread 08-14-2012, 02:59 PM   #1
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Default What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

After talking with a few people on this forum and being advised to treat a girl more like a person and not a sex object.. here are more questions that puzzle me:

Is it just guys like me that feel "aroused" and "hard" during a date we really are turned on by? Does the girl ever feel similar feelings but just suppresses them because society tells her to?

Is a girl's sexual arousal state only triggered after you fully trust us and let us into your private space in that way? If so then is there a correlation between trust and a woman's sexual triggers? Why then does trust not matter to me as a guy before letting you go to bed with me?

Do you as a girl ever get that "he is really making me wet" type of feeling that similarly a guy is feeling just from the sight of you? If so then what about him triggers that? voice? body? hair? cologne? a certain touch? what exactly causes you to sleep with THAT guy and throw another guy in the friends category?

I know our biologies are VERY different and you just touching our leg will make us aroused.. so how then can we turn the tables and finally give you what you want.. give you that deep sense of sexual euphoria?
For guys its obvious.. there are visual cues that turn us on.. but for guys also having those organs on the outside makes them prone to constant stimulation and triggers. Is it because girls have them on the inside that it is sooooo hard to relate to Our level of sexual triggering?

I'd love to hear from experienced woman who have been there and can really relate to the "feelings" and "triggers" I hope to learn about Sorry I missed this chapter in biology..haha
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Unread 08-14-2012, 03:20 PM   #2
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Hi anthony 81 - seems by your various threads you're looking to understand yourself and women more. I think this thread in better in the Sexuality forum since not everyone is comfortable talking about this subject. Attraction and chemistry is different for everyone...so what's appealing to one might be a turn off to another. To answer your last question - no..the fact that we're built different isn't the reason. Yes self control is important. When you think you're getting to the point of intimacy - ask the woman what pleases her. For couples who live together ....foreplay starts long before the clothes are off - things like kindness, being helpful are turn ons too. You asked on another thread...how come men can easily have sex even if they're not emotionally intimate? This is one big difference unless a woman is a prostitute who acts lol. Men can have sex without things being emotionally intimate but most women can't. Men can also have sex when they're super stressed or upset but women usually can't. Sex is very emotionally linked for most of us. I haven't read this book but it seems this is a good book or ask in the mens forum what books are good. You'll have the best chance if you figure out what your partner likes and please her - pleasing her will make her happy and hopefully you'll reap the benefits in return.

http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-Firs.../dp/0060538252
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Unread 08-14-2012, 03:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Thanks so much.. that book looks fascinating and informative!
I will start reading it

Most of the book seems to focus on once the girl is Already in bed with you.

But what makes some girls hot for One guy so much that they sleep with him right out of the club on the first night... while other guys they will string along for months before taking it further?

So the hard part seems to be 'triggering' them to "want" to have sex with you in the first place.
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Unread 08-14-2012, 03:52 PM   #4
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

That's a hard question to answer and I suppose its chemistry. I know things like that happen but do you really want a girl who has one night stands? You should consider a Life Coach and ask for an honest opinion about your looks and approach tactics - maybe you're doing something you don't realize.

Others have mentioned you may seem a bit too anxious and that may be the problem. On a 1st date - I think its best to focus on getting to know the lady and being friendly instead of focusing on the end result.
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Unread 08-14-2012, 03:55 PM   #5
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Spend time getting to know a woman. I think that girls who "sleep with him right out of the club on the first night" may be influenced by alcohol/drugs, both of which have a disinhibiting effect. Of course, things are different if you are looking for a relationship. Build a positive relationship with someone first, then gradually move towards sexual contact. When there is an emotional bond, then those triggers will be there.

And keep reading more about relationships. They really are about more than just sex. And I have read your other posts. You might consider looking at some of the pornography addiction literature. Viewing that material at such a young age might have impaired your perception of what real realtionships are all about. In general, they do not happen with the pizza guy showing up at the door and then somebody whipping off their clothing. Best to you..
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Unread 08-14-2012, 04:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Yes I agree with regretful - just perfecting sexual performance is only part of a successful relationship. Learn how to relate emotionally to a woman and how to be a good partner. Also agree viewing porn definitely affects how a person views sexuality. Real life is way more complex than just a sexual act.
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Unread 08-14-2012, 04:07 PM   #7
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Also, Anthony81, you should know that males, generally speaking, are much more visual when it comes to attraction than females are. This is not to say that personal appearance is not important, but in many studies of human adult sexuality, men and women respond differently to visual sexual imagery. For a scholarly article about this, see http://www.psych.ucsb.edu/~roney/oth...ngs/hamann.pdf

But I think you are looking for a more simplified reply, no? If so, then go with the relationship first method. In the long run, it will be more fulfilling than the 15 minutes or so of the one night stand. Just my opinion...Best to you.
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Unread 08-14-2012, 06:16 PM   #8
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

I'm just tired of girls instantly categorizing guys into these convenient box descriptions like "just a friend", and "creeper" as soon as we meet them, but then drooling over someone like Richard Gere or Brad Pitt and probably jumping Right into bed with them instantly without hesitation!

Let's say they are not actors, for arguments sake. I think the same outcome would occur. Girls will likely sleep with them but the nice guy trying to talk to them at the mall will be just another "creeper" they make fun of with their friends.

So what is it about Those two men that makes them so appealing? I'd love to know what a woman really feels and thinks when she sees a guy like that vs. the guy talking to her at the mall who she will never get with.

What are some "triggers" that occur? a feeling of security? a feeling of intense passion? a feeling you should have him because all the other girls want him?
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Unread 08-14-2012, 10:48 PM   #9
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Quote:
Originally Posted by anthony81 View Post
I'm just tired of girls instantly categorizing guys into these convenient box descriptions like "just a friend", and "creeper" as soon as we meet them, but then drooling over someone like Richard Gere or Brad Pitt and probably jumping Right into bed with them instantly without hesitation!

Let's say they are not actors, for arguments sake. I think the same outcome would occur. Girls will likely sleep with them but the nice guy trying to talk to them at the mall will be just another "creeper" they make fun of with their friends.

So what is it about Those two men that makes them so appealing? I'd love to know what a woman really feels and thinks when she sees a guy like that vs. the guy talking to her at the mall who she will never get with.

What are some "triggers" that occur? a feeling of security? a feeling of intense passion? a feeling you should have him because all the other girls want him?

Something that I find to be a turn-on is a guy that doesn't put on a fake BS act to impress me. These "nice guys"... they're usually not all that nice. They're nice in a manipulative way. They think that if you put enough kindness coins into a woman, she'll be obligated to reciprocate, likely through sex. Essentially, these "nice guys" tend to have a sense of entitlement. "I'm nice to you, therefore, you owe me." They're not just nice for the sake of being nice. It isn't who they are. It's cold and calculated.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that women all want a guy that's a massive jerk. What I am saying is that women tend to be attracted to a man where what you see is what you get. There's no act. He likes what he likes, and he is who he is. He isn't going to pretend to be interested in the same things as you for the sake of making a fake connection. He isn't desperate for your attention, he isn't going to text you 20 times in 5 minutes if he calls you and you don't pick up.

These nice guys do themselves a disservice of becoming a doormat. They absorb the interests of the girl, essentially going out of there way to become everything that they think the girl wants, and the girl likely notices that. However, most girls don't want someone to go out of their way to be perfect for them. Most girls don't even know what they want to begin with, haha. That being said, we want someone who is just REAL. No masks, no acting.

It's hard to say that in seeing your other posts, because on a personal level, I feel like it's hard to tell you to just be "you" when that isn't working for you. However, in this situation, give a girl a chance to get to know the real "you" on an emotional basis FIRST. Talk to her about your interests, and ask her about hers. Leave anything bedroom-related out of it. Learn to socialize before you sexualize. The more you get to know women outside of the bedroom, the easier it's going to be for you to be yourself while meeting someone. I know you said you don't like bars, but they're an alright place to start if you're just talking. Don't go out of your way to compliment these women or touch them. Just talk to them. If bars don't work, try things on meetup.com, maybe singles groups or something like that.
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Unread 08-14-2012, 10:57 PM   #10
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Default Re: What Triggers a Girl's Sexual Attraction Mechanism?

Its all hard to describe.

I know you say socialize with the girl not sexualize. but then I find myself becoming a girl and talking to her about girl stuff. I start sounding like the character from Valley Girl and ask her about her shoes, talking about feelings, yoga, how I can't stand men, etc. and at that point I'm convinced she's thrown me into the 'gay' basket

How can I be a guy with her when I dont hang with guys and feel uncomfortable around them? I don't really know how to be a 'guy' really and looks are part of this.. looking like justin bieber will not trigger her to think of richard gere
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