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View Poll Results: OK to remain friends with affair when trying to fix your marriage?
No, absolutely not. You can't have your cake and eat it too. 26 96.30%
Yes. There's nothing wrong with having friends. 1 3.70%
Voters: 27. You may not vote on this poll

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Unread 06-17-2012, 08:10 AM   #1
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Default OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

My husband had an affair with the girl he was in love with as a child. He said she was his best friend growing up. Now he wants his wife and the affair is over. She lives three hours away (and I just found out he went and visited her the other day but didn't tell me for fear I would freak out, which I did.) I gave him an ultimatum and said her or me. Am I out of line? He thinks this is unfair.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 08:27 AM   #2
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

I don't think it's fair, considering he had an affair with her!
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Unread 06-17-2012, 09:53 AM   #3
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

Out of sheer RESPECT for you, he should cut off all contact with her WITHOUT you even having to ask/tell him to!
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Unread 06-17-2012, 05:50 PM   #4
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

It seems that your husband wants to have his cake and eat it too. To expect you to happily wave him off to spend time with the woman he had an affair with is just cruel. He is lucky that you have decided to move past his indiscretion. He still wants to continue his friendship with this woman, which for myself would set alarm bells ringing. You are allowed to ask that he breaks off communication, so don't let him make you feel bad or guilty about it. We here to support you big hugs
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Unread 06-17-2012, 07:51 PM   #5
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

um...I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 08:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girlio View Post
My husband had an affair with the girl he was in love with as a child. He said she was his best friend growing up. Now he wants his wife and the affair is over. She lives three hours away (and I just found out he went and visited her the other day but didn't tell me for fear I would freak out, which I did.) I gave him an ultimatum and said her or me. Am I out of line? He thinks this is unfair.
I would never give a guy an ultimatium. I would tell him that he needs to decide what he wants and ask him to please leave, or you leave, whichever works better for you for him to have time to think about it.

I wouldnt treat a man like a child because you will always be wondering. I would feel better if HE made the choice about what he wants. I dont want to make that "choice" for him.

I'm always ready to "lose" that person.

And no, youre not unfair. He is absolutely out of line to want this, and it tells me he's really not that committed to you.
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Unread 06-18-2012, 05:23 PM   #7
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0 View Post
Out of sheer RESPECT for you, he should cut off all contact with her WITHOUT you even having to ask/tell him to!
This, absolutely.

You're not the one being unfair: the fact the he cheated on you is unfair.

The fact the he broke your trust and yet expects to be treated with trust and without consequence is unfair.

I think that you should tell him that he may continue his friendship with this girl only after giving you enough proof that it won't happen again. This means years of fidelity. I think he needs to know that you don't want to deal with a man who doesn't treat you fairly.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 01:06 AM   #8
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

Only poll I have ever seen with 100%, I think.

But no, it is not unfair of you. You're a better person than I am. I wouldn't have given the chance.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 01:43 AM   #9
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

Sorry but I'm cursed with this unusually good memory and I remember your other posts. You were separated from this guy. This guy cheated on you...has raped and abused you... and tried to kill you. I don't mean to sound unsupportive but why are you still with this guy? I don't understand that.
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Unread 06-19-2012, 02:44 AM   #10
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Default Re: OK for husband to stay friends with woman he had an affair with?

He doesn't deserve you! Why on earth is he is still visiting her? You deserve better
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