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Unread 05-31-2013, 12:05 PM   #1
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Default Transference with the straight therapist/lesbian client.

AGONY!

I have been seeing my therapist for 2 months now on a weekly basis. At first it was just about work issues and now it has developed into a whole host of issues. I started looking forward to seeing her by the 4th week. I REALLY don't want these feelings about her nor need them. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years and she is helping me deal with that. It was a very unhealthy relationship and I'm glad that it's over. However I can see me using my therapist as my go to person now instead of my girlfriend. Im pretty comfortable with this therapist. I will say that I was going to ask her if she had any problems dealing with a lesbian client. So far I don't think so.

Yesterdays session was a normal so I thought until I locked eyes with her and yep I was shaking. What???? She is totally gorgeous in my eyes, despite being 16 yrs older then I. I have always enjoyed my romantic relationships with older women. I do not want these feelings to be put upon my therapist. Its making it VERY difficult to concentrate. Yes some of my thinking of her is erotic and that is equally troublesome. I like that fact that she is straight, kinda makes it more bearable. She has told me for two sessions now that we should start spreading our sessions to every other week. This clued me in that she realizes and senses an attachment issue and possibly transference. Why would a therapist want to spread our sessions out if we are truly getting to the good stuff??????? This is what makes me feel like she doesn't want to deal with transference stuff. She is a LISW, not sure if that matters, maybe she isn't trained in this or maybe she is and just wants me to come out with it. Im soooooo confused and EMBARASSED! Some help would be greatly appreciated, thank you.
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Unread 06-01-2013, 12:08 AM   #2
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Default Re: Transference with the straight therapist/lesbian client.

Hi! I suggest you bite the bullet and bring the topic up--maybe something like, "I know I mentioned I am a lesbian--and I have to admit I'm having some romantic feelings toward you" and see what she says.

I doubt she would be spreading out the sessions merely because she sees some attraction. I'm sure she has dealt with this issue with men patients, too. Not too many people see their therapists every week unless they are rather in a crisis state or in a shaky situation. I would think her suggesting it is likely a good sign---she is thinking you are doing better....
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Unread 06-01-2013, 02:36 AM   #3
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Default Re: Transference with the straight therapist/lesbian client.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
Hi! I suggest you bite the bullet and bring the topic up--maybe something like, "I know I mentioned I am a lesbian--and I have to admit I'm having some romantic feelings toward you" and see what she says.

I doubt she would be spreading out the sessions merely because she sees some attraction. I'm sure she has dealt with this issue with men patients, too. Not too many people see their therapists every week unless they are rather in a crisis state or in a shaky situation. I would think her suggesting it is likely a good sign---she is thinking you are doing better....
Thanks Payne,
I'm glad someone actually responded. I know I just need to tell her. I never trust anyone and I finally trust someone and I start to have romantic feelings, so NOT fair. Now I risk all the progress I've made because I have a completely stupid crush.

To be fair she told me two sessions ago that it appears that I'm doing better and I could spread this out to every 2 weeks. I told her no I want to stick to once a week. There was still so much I had to get off my chest and I was still not expressing yet.
So finally yesterday after our meeting I said I think I want to start spreading these meetings out. She said yeah I told you I thought you were doing better. I then said, Ill come next week and then I can go every other week. I can definately tell she knows there is something going on between us.

The question I do have is "For everyone that has to see a therapist, how is there not transference for everybody? Transference should be at the forefront of any mental health career. Its real and it happens a ton!
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Unread 06-01-2013, 12:32 PM   #4
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Default Re: Transference with the straight therapist/lesbian client.

Well, it depends on the type of therapy that's being done, to answer your question. If the therapist works with sort of a Freudian perspective, then transference is actually desired, because the therapist willl get a better understanding on what's happened in the patient's significant relationships in the past. In this case, a lack of transference is sort of seen as failure!

However, remember, too, that therapists try to be caring and supportive of patients (at least in most types of therapy), so it's not surprising if we start feeling a strong attachment to them. It's probably in some ways the "ideal" relationship when they accept us unconditionally!

If we are in some types of therapy--such as a cognitive approach, then the therapist might not talk to us as personally, but be more like a teacher. I've found from my own experience with this approach that I came to like my therapist, but my feelings weren't as strong.
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