Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > General > Relationships & Communication



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 07-21-2008, 06:10 PM   #1
Member
 
Impala's Avatar
Impala has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 149
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Positive messages between estranged friends?

Such messages as eg "Thinking of you" ,maybe every few months-can anyone resist these over time? Can they fail to make someone think they have a true frined whatever has gone on?
Impala is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-21-2008, 06:15 PM   #2
Member
 
howohsocliche's Avatar
howohsocliche has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: GSP exit 117
Posts: 39
5 yr Member
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

As always, it depends!

On how close you initially were, on how far away and busy you are, on how many years its been since you last saw one another, on their typical behavior with friends, etc....
__________________
howohsocliche is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-21-2008, 06:19 PM   #3
Pandita-in-training
 
Perna's Avatar
Perna is feeling.
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 24,660 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
351 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

No way to know; they're pretty "innocuous" messages and the other person might just ignore or think nothing at all of them. Too, if the other person wishes you wouldn't contact them, they could make the person feel annoyed/angrier with you.
__________________
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
Perna is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-22-2008, 02:03 PM   #4
Member
 
Impala's Avatar
Impala has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 149
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
No way to know; they're pretty "innocuous" messages and the other person might just ignore or think nothing at all of them. Too, if the other person wishes you wouldn't contact them, they could make the person feel annoyed/angrier with you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thae could say so,couldn't they,if they were so angry,presumably they would?
Impala is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-22-2008, 02:34 PM   #5
Pandita-in-training
 
Perna's Avatar
Perna is feeling.
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 24,660 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
351 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

Why would they? If they don't want to hear from you, wish you'd just kind of "go away" and you keep holding on, they don't want to say anything in case you see it as "communication" and encouragement to keep sending them messages.

If they were polite and knew how to say something they might but your friend hasn't done anything "polite" or friendly for a long time now! And how do you tell someone, "Hey, I don't want to hear from you anymore!" that just sounds so ugly? So not saying anything at all, they just hope you'll quit trying to contact them. If they wanted to be friends, they'd respond to you but since they don't respond, I'd give them up and spend my energy making friends with someone "friendly".
__________________
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
Perna is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-22-2008, 02:55 PM   #6
Member
 
Impala's Avatar
Impala has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 149
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

This post wasn't about that particular friend but ,in her case,equally,one could say,she hasn't hesitated to do hurtful things in the past ,so why would she hesitate to say something hurtful if she wanted to?
Impala is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-26-2008, 11:39 AM   #7
Member
 
Impala's Avatar
Impala has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Posts: 149
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

Anyone else have thoughts on this please?
Impala is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-26-2008, 03:10 PM   #8
Grand Magnate
KathyM has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 4,715
5 yr Member
1,498 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

Hi Impala

I don't think a "thinking of you" message should carry the expectation of hearing from that person. It's just a statement of how you feel, and you can't dictate the feelings of others. It's completely their choice if they choose to accept your offer of true friendship and respond. If they don't take you up on your offer, at least you know they are aware you think about them on occasion.

People have a right to choose with whom they want to be friends.
KathyM is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-26-2008, 04:21 PM   #9
Grand Magnate
 
Wants2Fly's Avatar
Wants2Fly has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 3,354
8 yr Member
51 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

A longtime friend dropped out of my life. We did not have a fight, she just stopped responding. I kept up the phone messages and occasional cards for a year. Then I sent a plant asking if she would tell me what was wrong. I sent a card or two more, but I have respect her decision that she no longer wants contact with me. I feel sad and confused by her decision.
__________________
Wants2Fly is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 07-27-2008, 12:27 AM   #10
Member
AllyH88 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2008
Posts: 43
5 yr Member
Default Re: Positive messages between estranged friends?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Wants2Fly said:
A longtime friend dropped out of my life. We did not have a fight, she just stopped responding. I kept up the phone messages and occasional cards for a year. Then I sent a plant asking if she would tell me what was wrong. I sent a card or two more, but I have respect her decision that she no longer wants contact with me. I feel sad and confused by her decision.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hugs--Wants2Fly

I'm going through the same thing right now. A close friend is the only person outside of my professional 'help' circle who knows of my depression. In fact, it was due to her encouragement that I sought help when I was suffering a major depression earlier this year. It hasn't been as long, but I know she has been communicating with other people in our 'circle' of friends. I don't understand. Just when my self-esteem was starting to improve.

I guess this is a part of life? People come and people go.
AllyH88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Positive qualites? What positive qualities? Rio_ Steps to Better Self-Esteem 22 04-18-2007 04:15 PM
positive thinking game.name one positive thing about you. beckyb342 Schizophrenia and Psychosis 7 01-02-2007 01:51 PM
Conflicting messages. wi_fighter Other Mental Health Discussion 18 05-30-2005 07:39 PM
now that I'm gone, my T leaves more messages Psychotherapy 8 05-30-2005 04:42 AM
Messages donaquixote Creative Corner 3 08-29-2004 08:15 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:08 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity Guidelines Help

Helplines and Lifelines
eTrust Pro Certified