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Unread 07-15-2013, 10:04 AM   #1
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Default attention from younger man intrigues me.....

I have been getting attention from a younger man, ok my son's age, lately. He tells me how hot I am, and how he finds older women sexy. The sexual romantic side of my marriage is non existent. I feel like there is this whole part of me that is yearning for attention and physical touch. Is my self esteem so low that this is SO appealing to me? I know it is a bad choice...I am a teacher and the fallout would be scandalous. Trouble is, this has gotten me into trouble before......I had an affair and was incredibly in love with this man (my age). Then he began an affair with someone else. I was completely devastated, my husband found out, chaos ensued. Long story short, we stayed together mainly for the sake of our son who is battling drug addiction. Feel like I did the right thing, but I have become a non entity, envious of the physicalality I so crave. Enter this young man who wants to know me, touch me, and give me what I'm searching for. Soooo wrong, but soooooo tempting...
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

From one teacher to another, is your career, freedom, and life worth it? It may be tempting but the price is terribly high. I would leave my husband, ensure my son is in rehab, and find someone my own age. It seems like you stayed together for the kiddo, but he's having problems of his own and needs a stable, supportive environment. I am going to guess that since there isn't a connection between you and your husband that he isn't in a stable, loving environment.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

You need to read the famous novel by Somerset Maugham - a British writer - titled "Theatre". In it, an actress has an affair with her son's friend. But she feels fine and confident, no guilt. It is a very interesting exploration of her feelings and attitudes, and is a well written piece - it puts a spell on the reader for the entire novel.

Oh, and you seem to be under the impression that yearning for physical touch is a sign of having low self esteem. This is not the case. Earning for physical touch is a sign of being a mammal - not even necessarily a human, but a mammal. Mammals who are social animals (not all are) thrive on touch.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:05 PM   #4
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PS

on a more realistic note, the climate at the modern american school is different from the climate at old famous london theatres, so you, unlike the main character in "Theatre", would face harsh consequences, making it not worth the risk.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:08 PM   #5
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

How old is this young man?? Is this not just "scandalous" but self-destructive as in you could end up in jail? I dont know what to do at this point, just trying to get the facts.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:27 PM   #6
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

Teacher here ...and exp with unfulfilling marriage of 20 years. I too had the emotional affairs during my marriage, which my husband, at the time, became aware of. We too stayed together for our daughter. Then...after the divorce, a much younger man very aggressively elicited my attentions. Having been deprived of emotional/sexual connection my entire adult married life, I was very vulnerable to this highly sexual younger man. In the end, it was disastrous, and could very well have resulted in the end of my employment. I was stupid. I was stalked by this young man, who broke into my house with a gun, trying to shoot me, ending in a police SWAT stand-off. I'm not saying this will happen to you, but there can be devastating consequences to such affairs. Please be mindful and careful.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 12:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

I agree 100% with Seeker - being mindful of what your needs are and more importantly how to address them can be very hard but remember all that is at stake. What about any sort of counselling to help you deal not only with this but what's also happening to your son? It's important that your feelings are looked after in regards to his situation too. I doubt very much this young man will able to provide you with what you're looking for long term and as another poster pointed out, if whatever you're doing to try and save your marriage isn't working perhaps a clean break is best. This will allow you to focus more on the different roles in your life and hopefully help you feel better. I hope you have a good support network in place and that you also find this place useful. All the best.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 02:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

I read somewhere that if you have to ask for validation to support an obviously bad choice, you already know it is a monumentally bad idea. I feel stuck in this life. There isn't a reason I should always be thinking about what I don't have when in reality have so much. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Thanks to all who replied...btw I'm 49 he's 28...
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Unread 07-15-2013, 04:13 PM   #9
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

Why can't you talk to your husband about an open relationship or something? It doesn't sound like either alone of you are happy.
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Unread 07-15-2013, 10:55 PM   #10
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Default Re: attention from younger man intrigues me.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon View Post
Why can't you talk to your husband about an open relationship or something? It doesn't sound like either alone of you are happy.
I think this is a much better idea than your original idea. And, to the extent that you might like younger men, try to find them outside of your employment (and, of course, avoid statutory rape at all cost ). In other words, make a decision to interpret your positive response towards the advances of this particular young man to mean that you just might like being with a younger man, but choose a different younger man so that your employment won't be jeopardized.

I think this is the best outcome.
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