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Unread 05-18-2013, 10:34 PM   #1
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Default Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

Hi everyone, I'm fairly new to this thread. I joined about a month ago. About me, I'm 41 & my bff of a little of over a year is a few years younger than me. We've never had any real fights until last month. I sent her a PM on Face Book at the end of last month telling her about some things that have bothering me about our friendship. It was a little harsh although two friends that I shared what I said with didn't seem to think so. They thought that I was being honest.

I held back some things that needed to be said for a long time for fear of loosing her as a friend. I suffer from depression and anxiety and she was aware of that almost from the get go. Well, lately my life has been better but hers is a mess right now since she's going through her second divorce and is having problems with her ex finance who she claims is her "soul mate". She is also out of work and her uncle had a heart attack a few weeks ago but seems to be doing fine now.

So my complaints came at the worst time. Stupid, I know. The last time that we hung out, things were fine. I just got upset at how she kept on going on and on about her various problems after I got back from a great trip. She didn't even ask me about it much. She did listen to me when I told her about it. I even got her some gifts! Anyways, it all started when I called her and she didn't pick up the phone as usual. She let it go to v.m. I left a message and told her that I really needed to talk to her about another friend that I was very worried about. She didn't call or email me back so I called her again the next day. She did email me back and told me that perhaps this friend didn't want to hang out with me or call me that often as I'd like nicely.

Awhile back she told me in an email that she didn't want to hear about my problems anymore which was unfair I told her as I listen to hers so I expect the same in return. A lot of things started to annoy me such as the fact that she'd often go for over a month w/o calling or emailing me when she was busy with work or a guy. She also used to keep on pushing me to buy some stuff of hers and I'd always say no. She'd never take no for an answer which annoyed me. She finally stopped bugging me a couple of months ago.

So my message to her was one of annoyance but I was not overly harsh in it. Her response to me was a bit mean. She told me that I was probably "smothering" this other friend who she didn't know and that was why she was probably ignoring me. Well, this other friend eventually did call me back and we did end up hanging out. She was just really busy. This so called best friend then told me that I get mad when she doesn't pick up the phone at the drop of a hat. Not true as I have rarely called her since she kept on ignoring almost all my calls after I once nicely but firmly told her to not call me when she's on the phone with other people.

Since then she has let most of my calls go to v.m. For the record, I'm not as clingy as she described. I rarely call anyone more than twice in a day. I never text anyone back w/o hearing a response first. I often forget to respond to texts at times! I mostly keep in touch with people via email and I don't flood their inboxes with emails. The only time that I'll send anyone an email for than once is if I don't think that they got my email the first time and that doesn't happen often!

She also then told me that if I'm that "insecure", that I should see a therapist as she can't handle the stress. She then told me to not call her. So I wrote her back and was a bit defensive, but not rude. I apologized and heard NOHTING back from her! So I wrote her the nicest apology in an email ever and told her that I care about her and how some silly misunderstanding shouldn't end a friendship.

Again, she ignored me. She still kept me as her FB friend. However, she posted up something weird on her wall about how this other "friend" sent her a link to a song and in that post that had NO likes on it said something like, you are the greatest thing that happened at work, we're strong, stable women who can deal with all the crap and stress since we're cool like that. I don't know if that was a jab at me or not. Also, I think that the "friend" might've just been her as she does strike me as being a bit passive-aggressive.

I think that perhaps she is punishing me for being honest. She took what I said the wrong way. Plus, the timing was bad and I did apologize for that and ask her about how she's doing now. I have a bad feeling that she is playing games with me as she is very aware of the fact that I'm a big worrier. I've always been a good friend to her and she has usually been a good friend to me until now.

My other friends told me to let her cool off and wait for her to respond back to me otherwise I'll seem too desperate for her friendship. Is this weird? In the past we'd hang out once a week, or once every two weeks. And lately it's just been once a month. One time she did tell me that if she didn't want to be friends with anyone anymore, she'd do the slow fade, but not with me. I doubt that now. She is overly guy crazy and desperate to get married and have kids. This guy that she is with now spends 3-4 hours talking to her on the phone!

I have given her space, and sent two emails, what should I do now? Is she playing games or could she just be too overwhelmed now? One last thing, she has a bipolar mother who is not on meds. She doesn't seem to understand much about mental healthy issues and just thinks that her mom is crazy. Her mom does seem a little out there from what I heard. I told her that depression isn't like being bipolar and that I'm on meds. She seemed to understand that but now I'm not so sure. Perhaps she now thinks I'm "crazy" Please help!

Angie
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Unread 05-19-2013, 12:42 AM   #2
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

I would give her space like your other friends have suggested. You can email or something after a few weeks if she doesn't say anything to determine if she still wants the friendship.

Honestly you seem to be putting more effort into the relationship, though. This happened to me and we stopped being friends but we still have one another on fb.
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Unread 05-19-2013, 12:58 AM   #3
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

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Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon View Post
I would give her space like your other friends have suggested. You can email or something after a few weeks if she doesn't say anything to determine if she still wants the friendship.

Honestly you seem to be putting more effort into the relationship, though. This happened to me and we stopped being friends but we still have one another on fb.
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Thanks for your suggestion- How long should I wait until I email her for the third time? She might think that I'm "smothering" her, ugh! Yeah, I am currently putting more effort into this friendship. I know that this is a bad time for her, but the fact that she won't even bother to email or call me back to say, hi, I forgive you makes me feel like I don't matter to her at all.

It's been three weeks so far! I'm worried that knowing about my issues might've scared her off as I went into it a bit more in my last email. I also suspect that she might be jealous of me as I'm married and I don't have to work. We have a house while she has to rely on her soon to be cheating ex to pay for rent. If she can't get her ex fiancÚ to marry her, she'll have to move back to her mom's place and she doesn't want that. Honestly, she is way to desperate to get married and start having kids since she pushed her second husband into marriage and he ended up cheating on her after only a year or less of being married.

She'll talk to a guy for hours and obsess about them not calling her, but with me, she no longer wants to talk on the phone to me anymore like she used to. I wonder if telling her about my depression and anxiety was a big mistake as she did become a little more distant after finding out about that. I'll never know for sure. From now on, I'm keeping my mouth shut about my issues to everyone unless they mention their issues to me first if they have any!

Anyways, sorry to hear about you and your friend- If she continues to ignore me, I'm deleting her from FB. Like I told her in my first FB message, I don't want or need selfish people as friends. I'll give her closure if she continues to hold this against me after I already apologized to her twice! This is BS and I can't handle games and the stress that comes with it! Real friends would not toss me aside when a guy comes into their life or when I become too much of a "burden" to them so quickly!

Angie
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Unread 05-19-2013, 01:10 AM   #4
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

You sound much more mature than your 'friend.' She doesn't sound like a kind person.
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Unread 05-19-2013, 02:19 AM   #5
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

I don't think its your diagnosis. She just sounds selfish, to be honest.
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Unread 05-19-2013, 10:18 AM   #6
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

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Originally Posted by Yoda View Post
You sound much more mature than your 'friend.' She doesn't sound like a kind person.
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Thanks- Sadly, I think that I am in some ways despite the fact that she's been through so much more in her life such as having dealt with an abusive ex husband, her first one in the past. She left him since he got violent with her twice. Despite that, she seems to be the type of person who'll put a guy before her friends-

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Unread 05-19-2013, 10:19 AM   #7
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Default Re: Best Friend has been ignoring me after our first fight, help....

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Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon View Post
I don't think its your diagnosis. She just sounds selfish, to be honest.
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I think that you're probably right- I was the "best friend" for as long as things were convenient for her most of the time. She once told me that I "rely" on other people too much. That should've been a red flag to me.

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