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Unread 05-04-2013, 01:36 PM   #1
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Default Separating from an over attached mother.

Going off to college soon but I am concerned about my mother. My doctor thinks that she is undiagnosed OCD. She always says that I don't have to take care of her but she always "needs" me to do simple things for her because they are too complicated. She is perfectly capable of doing all these things but calls me snotty when I ask if she could do it. If I spend a night at my fathers house (parents divorced) a night longer than usual she gets paranoid that I am annoyed with her or am mad at her. If we fight I am not allowed to not be sorry and she demands that I apologize. She says if I go far away that "there will be no one to pick you back up off the floor" referring to my depression and anxiety and constantly uses the phrases "I won't be there to take care of you" as though I am making an irresponsible decision. Im struggling to figure out how to handle this because it seems a bit more serious than empty nest syndrome.
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Unread 05-04-2013, 01:54 PM   #2
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Default Re: Separating from an over attached mother.

I'm old enough to be your granny. My advice is, don't "worry" about your mother, she's an adult, she can take care of herself. Do what YOU need to do.
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Unread 05-04-2013, 02:05 PM   #3
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Default Re: Separating from an over attached mother.

AW! Your mom sounds like she's projecting what she is feeling, that you won't be there to pick her up....
Congrats to you for getting on your way! Your mom is probably scared, but she will get over it. If she is possibly OCD then she will likely also have trouble with change. But this is such a good change. Stay the course and trust that she will be okay. Shut out any negative if you can & start looking forward to that bright future before you.
I wish you only the very best of luck!
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Unread 05-04-2013, 03:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: Separating from an over attached mother.

You going off to college is very healthy for both of you. It sounds like you have to be the adult in the room when you're with your mother. Her issues definitely sound a lot more serious than empty next syndrome. It's good you realize that.

Dealing with her neediness will probably be an on-going struggle for you. She does need to be treated with kindness, but should not be allowed to manipulate you. It sounds like you have a good handle of the situation.

Enjoy going off to school. Invest in new relationships there. There will be understanding people whom you will meet. You will find new sources of support for yourself . . . and it will be a healthier form of support.
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Unread 05-04-2013, 03:28 PM   #5
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She is the mother, you are not. She needs to learn how to be an adult and let you move on.

I'm sorry you had to live in a reversed role. Don't feel bad for going off to college. You have to live your life too.
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