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Unread 01-23-2011, 05:59 PM   #1
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Blush I don't like to be touched

I am new to this forum and I am at the end of my rope and so is my husband. I have never like to be touched, but tolerated it, but now that it seems the older I get the worse it's getting. I don't even like my husband to touch me, especially in a romantic way. I've never like to be kissed, it makes me feel like I am suffocating. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and it seems like that is the only thing we fight about. He has some ED because of his diabetes and medications but he still wants to touch me a lot and of course I tell him to stop and he gets upset with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to share.
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Unread 01-23-2011, 06:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

Do you know why you get upset, was there something that happened in the past that may be triggering this? (even if it wasn't something related to intamacy you could be associating intamacy with your husband and the event together.)





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Originally Posted by emerald5659 View Post
I am new to this forum and I am at the end of my rope and so is my husband. I have never like to be touched, but tolerated it, but now that it seems the older I get the worse it's getting. I don't even like my husband to touch me, especially in a romantic way. I've never like to be kissed, it makes me feel like I am suffocating. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and it seems like that is the only thing we fight about. He has some ED because of his diabetes and medications but he still wants to touch me a lot and of course I tell him to stop and he gets upset with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to share.
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Unread 01-23-2011, 06:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

I have no idea why I feel this way. Nothing has happened in my past that would cause me to feel this way. I do remember that my parents were not real affectionate people and I am not affectionate towards my kids either. It's just not my husband, I really don't like anyone touching me. I don't like hugs or anything of that nature.
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Unread 01-23-2011, 10:31 PM   #4
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

I can understand that. My family wasn't overly affectionate either; and my husband is a very affectionate person so it's weird sometimes-makes me nervous at first almost.

Have you thought about counseling?


Quote:
Originally Posted by emerald5659 View Post
I have no idea why I feel this way. Nothing has happened in my past that would cause me to feel this way. I do remember that my parents were not real affectionate people and I am not affectionate towards my kids either. It's just not my husband, I really don't like anyone touching me. I don't like hugs or anything of that nature.
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Unread 01-24-2011, 07:02 AM   #5
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

Yes, I have thought about counseling, but I really don't know where to go and I am not sure my insurance will cover that. We don't have much money, so I don't know if that's really an option, but I am more willing now than ever to look into it, I just don't know where to start. I live in a very small town with minimal options.
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Unread 01-24-2011, 07:36 AM   #6
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

you mentioned that you feel suffocated when your H kisses you. did you feel suffocated by how your parents treated you growing up or by someone else, a boyfriend when young like in high school or something? i know i felt really controlled by my parents and tend to like a fair amount of emotional distance from people, or at least certain types of people.
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Unread 01-24-2011, 11:39 AM   #7
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
More often than not, our parents help instill their behavioral quirks within us. As children we learn by example and experience. It makes sense that you've developed intimacy issues.

I think that you can try this and that and force yourself to try to get over your issues but you'll never get anywhere unless you understand them and choose to open yourself to them.

You don't necessarily need therapy. There are many possibilities for independent research. The internet and books.
Understand that this is not who you are but a bi-product of behavior you have been programmed to preform.

Start small, brushing a hand against your husbands, letting your motherly instincts guide you when your children are distressed.
Intimacy is not just physical touch but emotional closeness. Being open to these things makes you feel vulnerable.
I think if you choose to open yourself to your issues you could overcome this barrier and feel great rewards from intimacy with your family.
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Unread 01-25-2011, 03:05 PM   #8
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Default Re: I don't like to be touched

I too, do not like to be touched. My husband is very understanding about this. I have to make it a point and remember to hug him and hold his hands. When we do touch I feel better if it is on my terms. If he doesn't let go, I begin to panic. It took us a long time to get to this point and I am thankful that he understands. This is a result of my childhood, nonaffectionate parenting or when there was contact it was abusive or just cruel i.e. torture tickling.
When we sit together or if he walks past and brushes my back and it makes me feel uncomfortable, I gently let him know and he understands.
But I do have to remember that his family is very affectionate and he needs physical affectionate. I consciously make myself hold and physically love him. I am getting to where I enjoy and want it more often now.
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