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Unread 01-04-2011, 07:05 PM   #1
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Default tired of being taken advantage of

i am so sick of people using me..sick of people knowing i will give in..sick of not saying no..how do i learn to be assertive without the guilt? i am tired of the people in my life not appreciating the good i have and using it to get what they want..i dont know how to stand up for myself without feeling like i hurt someone..i have been brought up with shame for speaking and guilt for not wanting to do things..i feel so bad when i have to choose what is right over what other people are demanding..please give me advice on how to cut people from my life that bring me down..i have so much good to give to everyone and im tired of giving it to the people who dont deserve it..sorry for the rant ,i just dont know how to live a happy life knowing that it means turning people away for my own health..my children come first and they are the ones who deserve me to be happy and healthy.why do so many adults not care..
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Unread 01-04-2011, 07:22 PM   #2
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Default Re: tired of being taken advantage of

(((queen))) i know exactly where you are coming from, i just posted something in creative corner around this subject! i like you am always the giver, and as you rightly say it is usually to those who do not care. it would be nice to have some caring come back in return. oh well we can only hope, but for the time being here is some ((((hugs )))) from me to you xx
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Unread 01-04-2011, 11:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: tired of being taken advantage of

((..queen..)) i understand what u r going through..
u don't need to be soo kind to those who don't deserve it..
be with the ones who do..
I will hope and pray that u overcome ur problems
Tkcr..
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Unread 01-05-2011, 07:41 AM   #4
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Default Re: tired of being taken advantage of

Sweetie, I could have written this about 18 years ago. I too must have had "walk all over me" tattooed all across my forehead because I ALLOWED people to use and abuse me. Then of course I HATED myself for allowing them to do it! It was a never ending cycle.

I went to therapy - not just for that, but I had some other issues too but this one was a biggie also. My therapist let me know that I'm just as GOOD as anyone else, and I have just as much RIGHT to say NO as anyone else!! Why should I have to give up my time, money, or things just to make it easier on some idiot that doesn't want to spend THEIR time, money or things to do something??? I shouldn't HAVE to!!! And I should NOT feel guilty because the people who are asking aren't my "real" friends --- if they were, they wouldn't be asking for all this. They are only my friend because they KNOW that I'll give in! The first time I say NO they will disappear -- and you know what?? She was right!!

So now, if I don't want to do something I just say, "No, I'm sorry but I can't do that right now." I don't have to give them a reason -- it's none of their business.

TAKE BACK YOUR POWER -- both you and I have given away our power!! My therapist helped me get mine back. Now YOU have to get YOURS back!! Don't be an enabler for some dope that refuses to work for what they want. If you just plain don't want to DO something, just say "No, I don't really feel up to it right now." You don't have to go into details - it's none of their business.

You CAN do it dearheart. Please don't give in to them anymore. This is YOUR life, not theirs. And don't fall into the guilt trap -- you cannot feel guilty for living your OWN life. God bless you sweetie, and let me know when you say NO for the first time, will you? Love, Lee
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Unread 01-05-2011, 08:40 AM   #5
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Default Re: tired of being taken advantage of

ty all for ur kind words...Leed,,u have such great advice and i can see what u r saying,,ty..i have recently said no to quite a few things,like a guy kept pressuring me to date him and i said no,but had to keep saying no and keep explaining that i wasnt ready to date anyone..b4 i would have went out with him,just not to hurt his feelings,but now i know that i have to do what is right for me..i have also stood up to my mother and her abusive ways,and i actually had to kick my brother out of my apartment because he was intoxicated in front of my children..it is the guilt that i have a hard time with,,it does not come natural to me to stand up or say no,,i also got out of a very abusive relationship and am going to trial tomorrow morning..he is a very dangerous man and i feel very proud of myself for being strong enough to escape and take my life back..but again it is the guilt..and i find it has to come to a very bad point b4 i can get the courage..i start councelling friday and hopefully i will learn how to do the right things without it feeling like i am hurting people..ty all so much for ur replies..tc and hugs to u all
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Last edited by QUEEN OF WANDS; 01-05-2011 at 08:47 AM. Reason: wanted to add
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Unread 01-07-2011, 03:54 PM   #6
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Default Re: tired of being taken advantage of

I am also loosing it, almost there. Thinking of i do not need to livevanymore. The only reason i live is that if i die my mother and brother would lose it. Isnt it sad. I dont care to live anymore, but i care for my loved ones. And they are the only two. I have been working daynnightfor the past 7 years, and i starred to realize that i am only a slave of the new century, in an underdeveloped nation, where crooks win and idealists, and good people can only lose, even if i do things wrong, it still is not fare. Life really mean ****, how pitty to the system and the humans who are born into an unfortunate country that only lose from themselves, where sick people always take advantage through your shoulders. I wish i was never born! I only live for others. God forgive me.
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