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Unread 07-10-2010, 04:19 PM   #1
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Default How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

For most of my life my role in the family has been being treated like crap by my family. I'm the failure, mess up, screw up, or any other name. What I mean is Im the one they make fun of, put down, or anything else. When I was younger I thought that was the way famlies were. I thought that it was like that in every family. Now that I'm older I realize that not all families are like that. But to this day it's still me being the failure. At first I didn't let it bother me or I should say I tried not to let it get to me but it hurts and the worst thing is that I'm afraid it's starting to rub off on my nieces. They ask me and tell me things that they've heard the other family memebers say. My nieces are still young so they don't truly get that what they are saying or asking or hearing is mean. I've talked to my family about how it makes me feel and yet they continue to do it. If I say nothing at all they still do it. If I tell them to stop or that it hurts my feelings they still do it. I've currently resorted to pointing out their mistakes back at them or just walking away. That seems to help some but not much. So how do any of you deal with it when talking to them just doesn't help?
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Unread 07-10-2010, 04:23 PM   #2
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

Cut them out of your life. It's harsh, but it's effective.
"School is shortened, discipline relaxed, philosophies, histories, languages dropped, English and spelling gradually gradually neglected, finally almost completely ignored. Life is immediate, the job counts, pleasure lies all about after work. Why learn anything save pressing buttons, pulling switches, fitting nuts and bolts?" Bradbury, Ray Fahrenheit 451 p 55-56
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Unread 07-10-2010, 05:10 PM   #3
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

I've always held that position in my family, and when it's really bad I just avoid them as much as possible. I'm not sure if that's positive or not, but I found it better than constantly being put down by them. I hear others will go into family therapy for these kinds of things, but it's hard to get others to agree to that. Maybe it's a possibility for you though?
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Unread 07-10-2010, 09:44 PM   #4
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?


I was in that exact position and eventually at 50 I turned around flipped them the bird and said goodbye.

I can't say it was easy because I've loved my baby sister since before she was born and it was hard to walk away, she was the only one who I didn't blame for treating me that way, but I realised she had a choice too, that hurt me the most.

Even though I am in a deep depression because of it I know it will lift eventually because I will finally have a semblence of a life without the abuse and bullying. In honesty the only ones I miss are my grandmother and dad and thats because they are passed. Dad was the only one who stuck up for me, when he died they got worse.

Please maymie take yourself away from this it's not worth the pain. But it is worth YOU are worth better and going through a period of sadness in order to have some peace of mind and start rebuilding your self esteem and personality is worth it too,


Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you
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Unread 07-11-2010, 06:27 AM   #5
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

Hello, maymie. It is hard for me to understand why your family is doing this. You may have to stop having contact with them, as others have suggested.

Good luck.
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Unread 07-11-2010, 09:20 AM   #6
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

hi, maymie,

i was and still am my mother's verbal punching bag. whe will always deprive me of the love and nurturing that i need. it's a form of control and an abuse of power, i keep trying for her approval and love that never materializes and get hurt. now, i feel that all love is emotional pain. when others connect and find happiness, i find emptiness. when i was a child, mom said, "i can do whatever i want and because i'm your mother you have no choice but to love me." well, later for that!

my suggestion is that you realize what harm their behavior is doing to you and elect to move on, to find a family of your choice that choose to love you and support you for the nice person you are. no one needs these silly, painful power games. let them play with someone else's head and get them out of yours. the best revenge is not getting even, it's being successful. stop playing and their silly game will be over and they will be the big losers. you, however, will finally have a life and a loving family.

when choosing your new family, be careful. you see, you probably are comfortable with old patterns. a healthy family may feel odd at first because you are not familiar with having a normal, supportive family. and, no family is perfect, there will always be problems. so, take it slow. don't rush into anything. get acclimated to your new friends slowly as it may feel foreign at first! it takes time to get to know people and it's really easy to make mistakes when you are used to being in a dysfunctional family situation. counseling may help you make the transition.
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Unread 02-10-2014, 12:36 AM   #7
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

I felt the same. Everyone else liked me. I got along fine with friends, work colleagues, everyone. I had such a low self esteem though. But my family always put me down. No matter how hard I scrubbed the house they would make a big joke of my housekeeping skills. If I cooked all day to make them dinner they wouldn't compliment me but put me down. I cuddled my kids too much. My hair colour was wrong for me. I never did anything right with any of them. At 40 I decided to get help for me! Yes to find out what is so bad with me! Because we are always told if your mother cant love you who can. I soon found my mother was a narcissistic mother. They pick their golden child and the other is the black sheep (me). So my family my whole life was taught I was the black sheep and the butt of jokes by my mother. I was mean. I was to be laughed at. I was to be treated as less than equal to the family members. I was a liar above all. My mother was the martyr and she groomed them that she never told lies and all I did was lie. So if I retaliated I was instantly the ***** for telling awful lies and they would all look at me like I was insane. And family friends were all told what a difficult time my mother had with her 2nd child syndrome child and poor her to have to keep trying and trying to deal with me. But she would persevere with such a difficult child! In the end I just had to cut off my family members as I tried to explain to them what she was doing to me but off course its more lies. You have to move on and realise your worth and not the worth they put on you.
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Unread 10-02-2014, 08:00 PM   #8
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

I have been dealing with the issue of family bulling and ostracization for almost 20 years. It started with beign kicked out of my own house as soon as my father died and mother remarried to being yelled and still talked to like a spoiled child by my 80 year old mother. I moved 6 states away last year for a job with the idea of never going back home, but stil cannot cut the strings for some reason. Its so bad right now that it makes complete sense to never have anything to do with them again, but I just keep going back and gettign into these horrific arguments over the phone. I wish I had friends to distract me. I just absolutely hate these people.
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Unread 10-03-2014, 06:11 AM   #9
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Default Re: How do you deal with being the one that your family treats badly?

Trezure2, what if you made a list of three or four reasons not to call your mother? And every time you feel like calling, make yourself look at that list again and maybe add another reason.

It may also help to post on here when you feel like calling but don't really want to - I had a friend going through a similar situation so we would contact each other when we wanted to call our toxic person and then remind each other why that was a bad idea.
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