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Unread 10-04-2009, 03:38 AM   #1
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Default 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

I'm 28 years old and have never been in a serious relationship before. My longest relationship lasted 3 months and that was over 10 years ago! The last time I was even with a guy was over a year ago and it only lasted just over a month. I'm beginning to think something is seriously wrong with me. I think I start to panic once things become serious and I get scared and push them away. But I don't want to do that anymore. I want a serious relationship. I want to get married and have kids. I don't want to be scared anymore. In the past, I dated guys for all the wrong reasons... out of depression mainly, which had disastrous results. Part of still has self esteem issues that I need to work on, but I do know that I want to be in a relationship and I don't want to be scared anymore. I want a life.. a future.. a husband.. children. How do you know when you're ready? Where does everyone find all these great guys? Sometimes I think no guy will ever want me because I've gained a lot of weight from the meds I take. I just hope there's a good guy out there somewhere who accepts me for who I am. Any idea how to find him?
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Unread 10-04-2009, 09:24 AM   #2
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

Hi amanda,

I can tell you exactly how to meet the right man for you. Now, you need to know something about me. I married the wrong guy......three times!!!! Not the same guy three times. But three wrong guys, three times. But the fourth time, I married the right guy. And here's what made the difference.

I decided that I was going to get to know me. So, I went to therapy and got to know me and got to like who I was. I gained some self-esteem. Then, I got busy doing things that I enjoyed doing. By doing that, I started meeting people who liked the same things I liked. This also gave me more confidence. And while I was enjoying myself, I met a man who I had things in common with. We were in the same line of business, we had the same level of intelligence, we had the same sense of humor, we could talk and talk about all kinds of things. I found out as time went on that we had similar family values. It was amazing to me how many things we had in common. In August, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.

Also, my sister didn't get married until she was 32. She had dated her husband for 8 years before she became engaged. They will celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary this month. So, not everyone is married by the time they reach 28.

Don't worry so much. You have many years ahead of you. I would give anything to be in your position and have someone tell me that I need to become friends with myself. At your age, I didn't have a clue.

Best of luck to you. Keep us posted.
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Unread 10-04-2009, 10:06 AM   #3
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

i just turned 25 and needed this thread. thank you amanda for starting it, and vicki for sharing your insight .
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Unread 10-04-2009, 02:23 PM   #4
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

Thanks ((((Vickie)))) for your advice....that's the complete truth....
I do have problem knowing myself and what I like....I think I'm getting better by the time....

And my dear ((((Amanda)))) don't worry too much about age....I'm 36 and single....my first long term relationship starts when I was 28 and for 3.5 years we were dating before getting married....but my marriage didn't last 1.5 year even!!!! I didn't know what I want and we were so opposite...so opposite that it was impossible to stay together....

Vickie is so right about knowing yourself and do whatever you like to do...then you will find the right person...

take care
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Unread 10-04-2009, 09:31 PM   #5
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

Don't feel bad. I'm 29 and have never been in a serious relationship. I also think my attempts at dating in the past were out of depression and the feeling that it was what society expected me to do. Maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet, but whenever I tried to date I would quickly want out. I worry I will never meet someone I truly love and I want to be with, and for whom the feeling is mutual.
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Unread 10-05-2009, 03:50 PM   #6
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

I didn't start dating until I was in my late 20's, nothing serious until my late 30's. With me, by the time I thought I could start dating all the guys I knew were married or otherwise unavailable. I started looking in creative places and hoped for the best.

My advise to you is to take advantage of the time you now have to look at what you really want in a relationship. What are the things you need in a lifelong partner, what annoyances you can live with, things like that.

The most important thing I think is that you know yourself and be yourself, by yourself or with someone else.
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Unread 10-05-2009, 04:42 PM   #7
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda_1981 View Post
I'm 28 years old and have never been in a serious relationship before. My longest relationship lasted 3 months and that was over 10 years ago! The last time I was even with a guy was over a year ago and it only lasted just over a month. I'm beginning to think something is seriously wrong with me. I think I start to panic once things become serious and I get scared and push them away. But I don't want to do that anymore. I want a serious relationship. I want to get married and have kids. I don't want to be scared anymore. In the past, I dated guys for all the wrong reasons... out of depression mainly, which had disastrous results. Part of still has self esteem issues that I need to work on, but I do know that I want to be in a relationship and I don't want to be scared anymore. I want a life.. a future.. a husband.. children. How do you know when you're ready? Where does everyone find all these great guys? Sometimes I think no guy will ever want me because I've gained a lot of weight from the meds I take. I just hope there's a good guy out there somewhere who accepts me for who I am. Any idea how to find him?
Some would say (not here, but some would) that really, I have no right replying to this since I met/got together with my husband (D) when I was about a month from turning 22.

That being said, I have been with him for 12 years now. When we met, he was 30, we had our first daughter when he was 32 and second when he was 36.

If I had it to do all over again, I wish I had been older. I was 24 when my first daughter was born, 28 when my second daughter was born. I would not give them up for anything in the world!

It wasn't until almost 4 years ago when D announced to the whole family (the girls were 6 and 2 at the time) that we were getting divorced. I had been with him for so long and from such a young age I was scared to find out who I was without him.

Now D and I have stayed together and have MANY issues to work out, which we are doing through counseling. But I discovered that past January not only how strong I am, but WHO I am. I am worth loving, even by myself, and know who I am. It is this strength that I am working through tough, TOUGH issues with him, but I would have liked to have had that all before we had gotten involved.

I don't know if this helps or not, but life is not a race, it is for living. Be ok with yourself and the rest will follow!
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Unread 10-10-2009, 05:25 PM   #8
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

Thanks everyone for your replies! Vickie, you are so right... I do need to start knowing myself. I was actually thinking of going to therapy and working on my self esteem issues and my confidence. It's something that I've been lacking lately and I think once I start becoming more confident in myself, then perhaps I'll be more confident in seeking out a relationship. I guess I need to learn to be more patient and realize that just because all my friends are getting engaged and married doesn't mean I have to right now too. I know the right guy will come along when it's the right time. And it will be well worth the wait

Thanks again everyone for all your replies and advice! Very much appreciated!
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Unread 10-11-2009, 12:23 AM   #9
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

I will share my story.

I'm 31 and never had a girlfriend. There's nothing physicall wrong with me, I'm attractive and intelligent and all that.

I guess I'm boring? And I have social phobia so I have avoided social situations in the past. At the moment I wouldn't know where to go to find a girl.

Anyhoo.
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Unread 10-11-2009, 02:29 PM   #10
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Default Re: 28 and still single.. is there something wrong with me?

I'm 24 and in the same boat as you. Never had a serious relationship. Longest relationship was 6 months. I find it reassuring seeing this thread and the replies that so many more people than I expected are in the same boat as well. So thank you for starting this thread.

What are the reasons for your relationships ending? That might give us a better understanding on what the problem is so we can give better advice to you.
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