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Unread 03-20-2012, 01:15 AM   #1
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Default Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

Hi all,

I have been seeing a therapist for several months now. About every 2-3 sessions, I am simply shocked and appalled by her behavior.

For example, a few months ago, I found out one of my closest friends has terminal cancer. I obviously wanted to talk about this in therapy. She said, "unfortunately bad things happen. Why aren't we talking about your job?"

My job? I think it is more than understandable that I would want to talk about a dear friend dying! I was stymied! I could not believe she treated me with such an uncaring, cold attitude. I could not believe I was basically chastised for wanting to talk about a friend who is sick!

Then today when I first sat down, I wanted to catch my breath before we started the session. I said something about the weather, and she quickly informed me that "we aren't going to talk about things like the weather." What?! I can't remember the last time I saw a doctor, dentist, etc. - and the appointment did not start off with normal human graciousness and warmth. I tried to explain to her that it's really hard for me just to sit down and begin. I need to "warm up" a bit in therapy. She then said bascially that that is not how she operates. Wow. Isn't it her job to listen to what my needs are in therapy?

I then tried to talk about a very, very important issue at work, that could potentially have serious repurcussions for my career in the future. She again said "why are you taking up time talking about this? You could talk about this with a friend. Instead we should be talking about things directly related to your personality." It's my dime! My session! I feel if I think it's important enough to talk about, then maybe, just maybe she should listen! Since when does she get to control what I feel are my topics that need to be addressed?

She then almost punished me by saying that "None of my other patients talk about matters like this," as if to say, "your concerns are completely useless to me."

Also, in one instant I was crossing the room to get a piece of paper from her that she had written on for me. Right before I got to her seat, she dropped it on the floor in front of me. Again...I was shocked at this bad, unbelievable behavior.

I know two LCSWs personally, and they both said to run far away from this woman.

What a rude, intolerant "therapist," totally devoid of any warmth or compassion or caring. It should not surprise me, but in about 4 sessions, she has not once asked how my sick friend is doing. I feel she is lacking even the most basic of human kindnesses. It seems if I don't have interesting things that SHE wants to talk about, my issues are worthless to her. I don't know how much more damaging that can be to a patient.

Does anyone else think this borders on semi-abusive behavior? I really have had enough, and have tried to deal with her behavior, but I'm sick and tired of fighting to speak my mind - in therapy! I should not have to constantly "justify" what matters and topics I want to discuss!! Sometimes she's fine, but other times I am on the receiving end of this BS.

I am seriously thinking about emailing her a similar letter to the words I just wrote, and terminating my "relationship" with her.

Do you all also think she's...totally horrid? Do you think an email is a good idea, to just tell her what I think, and to terminate therapy? Or do I do so in person? I think an email would be a more realistic way for me to express my feelings.

Thank you!

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Unread 03-20-2012, 05:10 AM   #2
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

Wow...yeah...terminate and don't look back. The paper-dropping thing is so strange, so hostile. I wouldn't bother explaining or emailing--just start interviewing new T's. Yikes! So scary that a professional therapist like this is practicing.
“I am no nihilist. I am not even a cynic. I am, actually, rather romantic. And here’s my idea of romance: You will soon be dead. Life will sometimes seem long and tough and, god, it’s tiring. And you will sometimes be happy and sometimes sad. And then you’ll be
old. And then you’ll be dead.”

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Unread 03-20-2012, 06:09 AM   #3
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

Yeah... I think it's time to fire this one.
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Unread 03-20-2012, 06:36 AM   #4
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

No doubt in my mind - this is not the right therapist for you. I'm trying to figure out who she would be right for.

Terminate and find another. There really are good ones out there.
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Unread 03-20-2012, 06:50 AM   #5
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

I agree. Start interviewing new Ts and terminate with this one. Chalk this up as a learning experience - she's taught you a few things you don't want in a therapist and helped you discover what you do want from a therapist.
Normal is just a setting on the dryer.

Last edited by sconnie892; 03-20-2012 at 07:12 AM. Reason: spelling
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Unread 03-20-2012, 07:07 AM   #6
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

I don't even think she deserves an email. Run.
never mind...
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Unread 03-20-2012, 07:17 AM   #7
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

Wow, run for the hills and don't look back. There will be a T for you out there.
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Unread 03-20-2012, 07:19 AM   #8
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

It doesn't matter if she is horrible or not. The important thing is that her manner is not helpful for you. She could be sweet as pie, but if you didn't like it, it would be time to leave. Listen to yourself and what you need.

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Unread 03-20-2012, 07:29 AM   #9
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Yikes. Run away as fast as you can.
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Unread 03-20-2012, 08:34 AM   #10
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Default Re: Bad Behavior from Therapist?!

OR - you confront her. At this point, I'm curious. Does she have a disease like MS that caused her to drop the paper, but we are seeing it as hostility? She certainly has a "life is short" attitude, that is not necessarily a bad thing. But the cyclical nature of her extreme crabbiness makes me think PMDD - I used to have a happy face / sad face indicator like you put on the dishwasher to show if the dishes are clean or dirty, only I drew mine on a paper plate, and the guys I worked with used to flip it over as appropriate, then run! (if flipping to sad side - except that always made me laugh)
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