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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:11 PM   #1
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Default When should my therapist be angry with me?

As a human being, my therapist has a right to all her emotions.

But as a therapist, I feel her anger should be "professional".

I reckon she has a right, indeed a duty to be angry with me if:
1. I break the rules.
2. I break a promise.
3. I lie to her.
4. I do bodily harm to myself or others.

But I don't think she has any professional right to be angry when:
1. I choose not to follow her advice (and accept the consequences for that).
2. I find comfort in paths other than psychotherapy.

How do my fellow sufferers feel about this?
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:22 PM   #2
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

I'm okay that my T got angry, because he handled it professionally. It actually kind of helped to see that someone can get mad at me and it can end safely.
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:28 PM   #3
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

I wonder if it's more a question of that they might "be angry" (professional or not the emotion can come anyway) but what they then do with it?

Some might feel a moment of anger if you reject their advice for example, especially if they believe that the advice you follow instead is harmful to you and that their advice would have led to healing. So that the anger is really out of concern for you; and yet, they need to be able to express that in a way that is kind, caring and professional rather than any kind of lashing out, hurtful response.

Or they may be angry with a choice; but not with you, and again, the main issue would be what they do with their anger?

So anger the emotion could be present; but what the T does with it in the therapy environment should be "professional"
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:34 PM   #4
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

my T has gotten angry with me for not making the progress she thinks I should be making, and I think that's inappropriate. However, I have done my share of inappropriate things, too, so I guess fair's fair.
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:37 PM   #5
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

Anger is neither right, wrong, good, or bad. It's what you do with it and how you show it that matters. She can be angry for whatever reason she please - it's about how she expresses that anger and how she utilizes that anger in your treatment.

I think as a T one could easily get upset/angry when one doesn't follow the advice. For someone to continue to come back to you, want your time and expertise, then go against the advice (for me it has to be a rather consistent going against what I suggest) that puts us in the place of like - well, then what's the point of you coming if I say to do "A" and you do "V"?
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:43 PM   #6
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

My T has often been annoyed/frustrated with me.
It's not quite the same, but it's a learning experience to me that I have to follow through with my emotions, and get closure from it.
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

Never. The t should never be angry with you. You pay them for their time and you can you do what ever you want with their advice.
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Unread 10-25-2011, 08:56 PM   #8
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elli-Beth View Post
I'm okay that my T got angry, because he handled it professionally. It actually kind of helped to see that someone can get mad at me and it can end safely.
Hmmmm... At one point (years ago) I said I felt she was withholding her anger and it didn't feel real.
No anger = doesn't care.

So maybe it's my own fault that she's so free with her anger now!
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Unread 10-25-2011, 09:05 PM   #9
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

i dont think T should ever be angry with you either, disappointed maybe but not angry. And yes, I can see T being having reason to be disappointed about all those things. When it comes to not following advice and seeking comfort elsewhere, I understand what you are saying and I agree we have the right to do that and T shouldnt be upset, but I can see how Ts may be upset. I am going thru this with my own T right now. His whole demeanor toward me has changed and he says there is no reason to see me as much because I am working some with my pdoc on my anxiety. His behavior is telling me that he is upset by this and I feel he has no right to be responding the way he is. I feel he is being childish. So yeah, I agree with your statement that T doesnt have a right to be taking it out on me because he is upset that I sought advice from another caregiver.
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Unread 10-25-2011, 09:10 PM   #10
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Default Re: When should my therapist be angry with me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stormyangels View Post
I think as a T one could easily get upset/angry when one doesn't follow the advice. For someone to continue to come back to you, want your time and expertise, then go against the advice (for me it has to be a rather consistent going against what I suggest) that puts us in the place of like - well, then what's the point of you coming if I say to do "A" and you do "V"?
That is the human reaction, but is it professional?

And it's not like I never do what she says. But this time I got advice from another source (my wife, as it happens) that I thought would work better. And I am very satisfied with the outcome.
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