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Unread 05-17-2013, 12:49 PM   #1
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Default Not sure if this is PTSD...

Hi all,

This is the first time I've ever really talked about this, so I'm sorry if I say the wrong thing, or if it comes out wrong.

I am not sure if I have PTSD, but I've been experiencing some things recently that make me think I might. Growing up my dad used to lose his temper and hit me a lot, but I just always assumed I deserved it. I was diagnosed with depression when I was a teen, and have been in treatment for that for a while, and have come to realize it probably wasn't my fault, so I kind of thought I was over it. Last year, my dad got angry and attacked me and tried to kill me. Again, I thought I had dealt with it ok.

But now, every time I talk to my dad and he gets angry, I get soooo terrified. I get irrationally afraid, and I start shaking. I can't be around people, and I isolate myself in my apartment for days. Last week, he yelled at me on the phone and hung up on me, and I couldn't leave my apartment for 5 days because I was so scared. It seems stupid but I just don't want to leave and can't focus on anything, and just become completely useless for days.

Is this PTSD? Or am I just being silly?
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Unread 05-17-2013, 01:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

nessa,
I have PTSD and yes if I was going to give you my feeling it certainly sounds like it. Do you see a T or a Pdoc now if you do you should share this with them even if you have to write it out on paper, that is how i told my story the first time. I flowed out so quickly and easily and I could say anything I needed to and be very explicit in my discription. Try writing though it does help
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Unread 05-17-2013, 02:12 PM   #3
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

It sounds like it could be. And from the sound of it, it might be best to cut ties with your dad so he can't inflict any further abuse. One thing with PTSD is being around the abuser or situation that caused the problem only worsens symptoms.

Its good advice to talk with a therapist and/or Pdoc as well and be honest..I know it can be a little hard if you're anything like me and sort of try to mask how bad it really is out of habit.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 02:24 PM   #4
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Thanks guys!!

I do have a T, but we are ending therapy soon. I am almost done school, and since she works at the university health center, I can only see her while I'm a student.

I have talked to her about it, but more in terms of giving information rather than talking about feelings. Like you, Hellion, I tend to mask how bad it is pretty well. I don't really want to get into anything with her, just because we are ending therapy so soon.

I know I should cut ties with my dad (and probably my mom as well) and have known that for years, but haven't been able to. That's probably a huge part of the problem - the fact that they are still a significant part of my life. *shrugs* I just honestly don't know how to do it, and I'm scared.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 02:29 PM   #5
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Hmmm well is it you're apartment you pay for yourself that you live in, or are you getting financial help from them? I know that can complicate things, as well as just the fact its family and its hard to cut ties even if they don't treat you right.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 04:07 PM   #6
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion View Post
Hmmm well is it you're apartment you pay for yourself that you live in, or are you getting financial help from them? I know that can complicate things, as well as just the fact its family and its hard to cut ties even if they don't treat you right.
Fortunately, I am not financially dependent on them.

Unfortunately, they live not too far away, and work even closer, and have little (if any) respect for my independence and boundaries. Cutting ties would be a process, since last time I just asked for some space they were pounding on my door less than an hour later.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 04:56 PM   #7
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Don't tell them you want space - that's like holding up a red rag to a bull. Better to just back off very quietly rather than announcing it.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 06:13 PM   #8
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinyrabbit View Post
Don't tell them you want space - that's like holding up a red rag to a bull. Better to just back off very quietly rather than announcing it.
Doesn't backing off very quietly involve more time in which the abuse continues. I don't know I think it is best to be direct with such people and take legal action if necessary. Because give them an inch and they want a mile. But maybe I don't quite get what you mean by very quietly backing off. I mean if we where talking mere family conflict it would be one thing but it sounds like there has been serious abuse. One should not have to talk to someone who triggers them so bad they stay scared in their apartment for 5 days.
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Unread 05-17-2013, 06:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

It sounds like PTSD and similar to what I went through with my mother. It took me years to finally say that's enough. I was about 45 years old I think when I finally just quit taking or making calls. Don't wait that long. It's unfair to you. Do you have siblings? I hope so for your sake! Sometimes that can make it easier to cut the ties. You have to do what's best for you. I never realized how truly abusive my mother was until I had kids of my own. Fortunately, I was not about to continue the "tradition" and have a wonderful relationship with both my girls. Good luck to you and hugs from me!!
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Unread 05-18-2013, 02:07 AM   #10
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Default Re: Not sure if this is PTSD...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion View Post
Doesn't backing off very quietly involve more time in which the abuse continues. I don't know I think it is best to be direct with such people and take legal action if necessary. Because give them an inch and they want a mile. But maybe I don't quite get what you mean by very quietly backing off. I mean if we where talking mere family conflict it would be one thing but it sounds like there has been serious abuse. One should not have to talk to someone who triggers them so bad they stay scared in their apartment for 5 days.
I mean it's better if you just go ahead and cut ties as much as possible without announcing it. Don't tell them you want space, just take it by being around less. I'm pretty much not talking to my parents but I haven't told them that, I've just been busy and unavailable. Announcing your decision invites challenge. Asking for space implies it's not your decision to take more of it.
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