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Unread 09-22-2010, 12:39 PM   #1
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Default PTSD and feeling safe

My PTSD is wreaking absolute havoc with me right now. I am having meltdowns due to my marital situation and counseling.

Some of my PTSD (not all) comes actually from mental health disasters in which I felt trapped and cornered and I even had assault by a counselor once (many, many years ago).

So now that I actually need to turn to the mental health system to undo what the mental health system did - does anybody see the problem?

I am trying right now to deal not only with my own issues, but my marital issues. I have to deal with the marital issues because they are actually part and parcel of my own issues and the fact that those have worsened on account of the marital problems.

When things are complicated, its hard to unravel it piece by piece.

In the meantime, my hypervigilance and other aspects of my PTSD are having a hey day with me.

I need safety the most - does anybody have suggestions on this? I think feeling safe is of utmost importance to me. Can anybody tell me if they've figured out "how" to feel safe in any way?
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Unread 09-22-2010, 03:06 PM   #2
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Heart Re: PTSD and feeling safe

I don't know your own situation regarding marriage, but if you are not feeling safe around your spouse, you will not be able to begin healing and calming the hypervigilance because you still need it.

If the marriage has issues that aren't being actively worked on in couples therapy, then my suggestion is to separate for a time. Perhaps you need weekends off and alone, or a few weeks alone, or even a legal separation until you can feel safe in your own home again. It's a tough call indeed.

If things are being resolved, the best I can suggest is that the PTSD therapist keep explaining to your spouse the importance of your feeling safe, and how (and what) things can tip that very easily.

Create a safe place of your own. If you have a room that can be yours only, that will do wonders. You make the rules as to whether anyone can even knock on the door while you're in there etc... surround yourself with comfortable items that help you calm and feel peaceful. Include things to hug or touch and sounds to enjoy, music etc, maybe scents that take you away to the beach or the mountains etc.

Use your time away to enjoy "just being" ... think good things, peaceful thoughts, fantasize if you must, meditate on the good things. Eat well, sleep better, and move your body some.
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Unread 09-23-2010, 12:15 AM   #3
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Default Re: PTSD and feeling safe

Thank you,
I am doing just some of that. I actually have (for now -until Nov 15th) an apartment. I seperated for 6 months from my husband, but then we reconciled. I had the apartment for a year's lease so I still have it until Nov 15th.

So I am at my apartment, away from my husband. And even in just one night, I am amazed at the difference in how well I feel!

This also tells me something. Tomorrow I have a joint counseling session with my husband and the therapist we have both been seeing seperately. I hope somehow this helps.

I have thoughts of trying to keep the apartment but right now I dont have a job - not sure about that.

Anyway, removing myself from my husband gave me a great sense of safety - imagine that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD) View Post
I don't know your own situation regarding marriage, but if you are not feeling safe around your spouse, you will not be able to begin healing and calming the hypervigilance because you still need it.

If the marriage has issues that aren't being actively worked on in couples therapy, then my suggestion is to separate for a time. Perhaps you need weekends off and alone, or a few weeks alone, or even a legal separation until you can feel safe in your own home again. It's a tough call indeed.

If things are being resolved, the best I can suggest is that the PTSD therapist keep explaining to your spouse the importance of your feeling safe, and how (and what) things can tip that very easily.

Create a safe place of your own. If you have a room that can be yours only, that will do wonders. You make the rules as to whether anyone can even knock on the door while you're in there etc... surround yourself with comfortable items that help you calm and feel peaceful. Include things to hug or touch and sounds to enjoy, music etc, maybe scents that take you away to the beach or the mountains etc.

Use your time away to enjoy "just being" ... think good things, peaceful thoughts, fantasize if you must, meditate on the good things. Eat well, sleep better, and move your body some.
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Unread 09-23-2010, 01:48 PM   #4
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Default Re: PTSD and feeling safe

Sigh always good to have my thoughts validated. Unfortunately, that does tell you a lot, doesn't it? Hopefully your T can truly mediate while "therapizing" and neither of you feel T is taking sides all the time with the other.

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Unread 09-24-2010, 04:51 PM   #5
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Default Re: PTSD and feeling safe

Well, I believe the T is not taking sides and its going pretty well. Mostly, we see the T seperately. But we just had a joint session and have those intermittently from time to time.

I think right now the T is just trying to "teach" my husband how to speak properly to me (he said abusive things to me right in front of the T - can you believe it?).

so what the T did was to have conversations with me but has my husband pay attention to "how" he does it - so he's teaching him to not be verbally abusive by "demonstration" for now.

And then the two of them (my husband and T) work on his issues that cause the verbal abuse, seperately.

One thing I like very much is not only is our T good to me - he has a kind, firm but respectful and caring way that he handles my husband too - he's quite good with him.

And even though the T is confronting my husband on his verbal abuse, my husband really likes the T! Go figure.

So since he likes him, I'm hoping he will just stay in therapy - this would be a first for us.

Beyond that, its day by day with this situation for me. I did go back home and taking it step by step, but have a bag packed and tank full of gas, in case.


Quote:
Originally Posted by (JD) View Post
Sigh always good to have my thoughts validated. Unfortunately, that does tell you a lot, doesn't it? Hopefully your T can truly mediate while "therapizing" and neither of you feel T is taking sides all the time with the other.

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