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-   -   BPD Acceptance/Or Denial? (http://forums.psychcentral.com/partners-people-personality-disorders/300234-bpd-acceptance-denial.html)

DylanP 09-19-2013 05:49 PM

BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
I have an ex girlfriend with BPD. She acts like I don't exist now but if I message her she still responds sometimes. I just ask to see how she is these days. I don't expect her to take what I say seriously as she has told me we don't understand one another.
Anyway, she accepts that she has BPD yet does not seem very serious about tackling the problem almost hoping in time it will fade away. As far as I know she does not smoke weed anymore but that's what she says. How can her BPD get cured if she won't take it serious?
Her partner I'm guessing knows she has BPD? I mean if she told me I'm sure she told him. If he really loves her surely he must convince her to get help. They've been together 3 years I'd say. I know it would not be her fault if she leaves him but I just hope he does not get hurt like I did. I only forgive her because I've learnt about BPD.

Anonymous33205 09-19-2013 06:33 PM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
At least you forgave her, good for you.

allme 09-20-2013 05:33 AM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
Well it's out of your control and think you need to move on. I understand your worried about her current partner but really, this should be none of your concern. I take it he is an adult so has to make his own choices.

It's good you have forgiven her, this will help with closure but you wont have full closure until you let her go.

I just don't think remaining in contact with an ex (unless you have kids) is a good thing.

Edda 09-20-2013 06:10 AM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by allme (Post 3291048)
Well it's out of your control and think you need to move on. I understand your worried about her current partner but really, this should be none of your concern. I take it he is an adult so has to make his own choices.

It's good you have forgiven her, this will help with closure but you wont have full closure until you let her go.

I just don't think remaining in contact with an ex (unless you have kids) is a good thing.

I second that. While it can be frustrating to helplessly witness the same pattern happening with her current partner again, I doubt that the OP can or should do anything about it. It is their business now.

Keeping in touch with ex could work but in reality, it rarely does.

Thorn Bird 09-30-2013 02:42 PM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
I too am pleased you forgave her. I am sure she is aware something is wrong with her but, she sounds as if she is in denial. unfortunately unless people with personality disorders acknowledge they need help no amount of telling her will convince her to go. It often takes something dramatic to happen before they seek help.

healingme4me 09-30-2013 02:56 PM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
You can't cure it, BPD, you can only learn to manage it. Some of the symptoms, may disappear with treatment, and instead of meeting 5 of the 9 criteria, for the diagnosis, it may drop down to less than a handful. I'd presume, she's been officially diagnosed, and not just research from over the 'net or books?

If she says she is no longer smoking, weed, why the doubt statement?

If her bf get's emotionally hurt, who's to say, it would affect him the same way as you?

Her stating that you don't seem to understand her, she is a person above and beyond any mental health diagnosis, she may or may not have.

It would be partly her fault, if she left him, as it takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship.

IndieVisible 09-30-2013 03:00 PM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
I wasn't aware there was a cure for BPD. When was this made? Last I heard people with BPD need to learn how to cope better and are also given meds for their depression and anxiety. Long term therapy has shown great improvement but have not heard of a cure. Forgive me if I'm mistaken.

Thorn Bird 10-02-2013 09:38 AM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
I don't think there is a cure for many personality disorders - the disorder is entwined into the person - it can be helped with therapy but most of these disorders began in childhood and are an integral part of who they are. It is a start to recognize they have a disorder and are prepared to go for therapy.

GeorgiaGirl413 10-02-2013 10:05 AM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
Actually, there is a claim that BPD can be cured using DBT. The "inventor" of DBT, Marsha Linehan, is herself a borderline. I think that she considers herself cured. But cures, if you want to call them that, are difficult to come by. I believe that this is because, as Thorn Bird said, our "disorders" are entwined in our person. I read an article recently stating that many BPD's drop out of treatment just because a true cure involves a change in personality which can be very scary. When we get too close to that point we drop out of care.

embellished 10-04-2013 07:24 AM

Re: BPD Acceptance/Or Denial?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DylanP (Post 3290125)
How can her BPD get cured if she won't take it serious?

Usually people with BPD have had the disorder for many years before it is formally diagnosed and are accustomed to living with certain patterns(or defense mechanisms) to deal with it.Therapy challenges these and creates a need for change.Also,change begins with addressing and dealing with inherent pain and,in some cases, toxic shame from childhood wounds which brings back unpleasant memories.Hence the denial.

She will not get better till she decides to change and there is nothing anyone can do to to get her to do so.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DylanP (Post 3290125)
If he really loves her surely he must convince her to get help.

No matter how much a person loves a BPD,he cannot 'convince' him/her to change because a BPD has the emotional maturity of a 7 year old and when adults try to 'reason with' kids,it fails.Sad but true.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DylanP (Post 3290125)
I know it would not be her fault if she leaves him but I just hope he does not get hurt like I did

Even though you mean well you cannot prevent this Dylan.If it has to happen,it will.All you can do is hope that she signs up for therapy by herself and then sticks to it.


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