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Unread 05-12-2014, 12:15 AM   #1
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Rayne Selene I'm afraid.
 
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Unhappy Worried about this little boy

Hello,
Not sure where else to put this. It kinda fits in with work, kinda fits with relationships, and kinda fits with anxiety, so I don't know, I just stuck it here.

Anyways, I'm a college student who works as a nanny. I posted a little while ago about a weekend job that I have been having problems with. It's a job with a single mom and her four year old little boy.

I seriously think this mom has no feelings or empathy for others. I'm very serious. She works as a doctor, and I've actually heard her say that her patients "aren't worth [her] time". When she first hired me, she asked for me to work a few hours on Sundays. Since then the hours have expanded and expanded until she demands--not asks--that I work all day saturday and sunday. I do it because I need the money, I'm worried about losing my job, and I care about her little boy. She constantly comes home late. She'll tell me that she needs me until five, and then show up at 11:30. She asks me to be there at 6 am, I get there, and she goes back to bed. I end up sitting there for three hours before either of them even wake up! She told me that she often leaves work, abandoning her team at the hospital, which is very strictly not allowed, but that she thinks her team "can handle it". She has no regard for other people, and it really disturbs me.

Anyways, I used to think that her obvious lack of respect for me was just because she views me as hired help. But I've started to see a similar disregard for the feelings of her son.
The little boy is very energetic, and extremely intelligent. He's incredible to be around, and I care about him a lot. However, I recently discovered that his mom leaves him with a nanny seven days a week (even though she doesn't work seven days a week) so that she can have free time. She only sees him in the late evenings. She's also obsessed with him getting outside to exercise, which is understandable as she wants him to be healthy. However, there have been several instances where he's been sick, or tired, or just not feeling great and she's made him go hiking or swimming or something anyways. One day when I got there he was upset and crying, I asked him what was wrong, and he said "I told mommy my ankle hurts but she made me go hiking anyways." When I looked at his ankle, it was very swollen. I pointed it out, she looked and said "oh, he's fine." But he winces whenever he puts pressure on it. She goes on long trips without him whenever she has time off, leaving him with nannies. Last Saturday, his mom was home more than five hours late once again, and he was crying and told me she promised to take him to dinner or something. She just seems not to care much about him as a person.

I feel so bad for this kid, but I don't know if there's anything I can do. I'm just posting this on here for any kind of advice :/
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Unread 05-12-2014, 12:49 AM   #2
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Default Re: Worried about this little boy

Good for you for caring enough to reach out for help with this situation. Geez, it's probably just as well that the child is with nannies who care about him (hopefully his other nanny does?) more than he's with his mother. I've experienced cases like the one you've described...parent/s is/are professionals who seem to be rather sociopathic. Child/ren raised by nannies. And the children love the nannies and are tightly bonded with them. I've wondered, as I do with your situation, why the mother even has a child to begin with.

A question comes to my mind right off...where is the little boy's father - also, is therte any extended family?
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Unread 05-12-2014, 01:07 AM   #3
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Rayne Selene I'm afraid.
 
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Originally Posted by Sister Rags View Post
Good for you for caring enough to reach out for help with this situation. Geez, it's probably just as well that the child is with nannies who care about him (hopefully his other nanny does?) more than he's with his mother. I've experienced cases like the one you've described...parent/s is/are professionals who seem to be rather sociopathic. Child/ren raised by nannies. And the children love the nannies and are tightly bonded with them. I've wondered, as I do with your situation, why the mother even has a child to begin with.

A question comes to my mind right off...where is the little boy's father - also, is therte any extended family?
His mom is a lesbian and had him by donor. He has an aunt who doesn't seem super involved? She drops by, gives him a hug, and leaves.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 01:20 AM   #4
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The fact that she had him by donor confuses me in and of itself, because I mean...she seems to have no time for him...has no desire to interrupt her life for him...why did she have him?!?!?!?!?! I don't understand this woman.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 02:01 PM   #5
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Yeah, it's sure a confusing situation. Since she went to such an extent to have a child I would hope she'd be REALLY involved with being his mother. Do you feel like you can have a sit-down and dialogue with her...or write your concerns down and give them to her?
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Unread 05-12-2014, 02:20 PM   #6
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Rayne Selene I'm afraid.
 
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Originally Posted by Sister Rags View Post
Yeah, it's sure a confusing situation. Since she went to such an extent to have a child I would hope she'd be REALLY involved with being his mother. Do you feel like you can have a sit-down and dialogue with her...or write your concerns down and give them to her?
Honestly, no, I don't. Every time I talk to her about anything to do with me, school, my schedule, the fact that I need to be home by a certain time...she either cuts me off or completely tunes me out. I have asked her several times to be home by a certain time so that I can go home and study or something, and she's always three or four hours late. She just doesn't seem to hear or care when someone else speaks, she just keeps talking about herself and runs right over you.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 02:21 PM   #7
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Default Re: Worried about this little boy

It's the same when I try to tell her about her son's day. I usually try to debrief parents when they get home, tell them what their kid ate, whether he was in a good mood, if he got exercise, etc, so they can be on the same page. When I try to do this with her, I get one sentence out before she cuts me off with a "Yeah, okay." I have never experienced this before. Most parents want to know exactly what has been going on with their kids.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 03:12 PM   #8
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So sad. This is abuse.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 04:03 PM   #9
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She sounds kind of neglectful, I mean sure she hires you to take care of him during the day so not sure it would actually end up being seen as child neglect legally. Either way it doesn't seem like she really cares not really sure what you could do about it...maybe someone here will have some ideas.
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Unread 05-12-2014, 04:17 PM   #10
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Default Re: Worried about this little boy

I would have reported the swollen ankle to CPS or department of family and children, whatever it is called in your state. That's neglect to not get it taken care of. Get pictures of it too.
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