Phobias/sexuality HELP

[GirlOfManyFaces]

I have questions and I don't know what topic to put them in so I am mixing them here...


PHOBIAS

I have many many many phobias. But the one bothering me now is I CANNOT be touched, bumbled, tapped, or whatever.(due to previous sexual abuse and Rape) I almost screamed in a coffee shop today because an old lady behind me was flipping the tag of my shirt back. The tag was showing and she was fixing it. But I didn't know this lady. I COMPLETELY stopped moving and breathing. I started to scream but my mother stopped me.
Then I was just laying on the couch and my mother touched my foot and I jumped off the couch and almost ran out of the room. But I just pretended I had to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't be suspicious.

You get the point... I can't be touched... HOW CAN I HELP THIS?
I need to get over this.


SEXUALITY

I don't know what I am.

I'm attracted to gay guys, tomboy lesbians, and sometimes straight guys... But I'm mostly in love with gay guys.

I don't understand this. What am I?

I like the girls who usually have their hair short. Idk if you would call it butch though. Anyway...

Am I just BI? Or lesbian? Or WHAT??

I need help figuring this out.

[Dante'sStoker]

Hello, GirlOfManyFaces. I am not qualified to answer your questions. Would you consider talking to your primary care physician for a referral to a specialist(s) if indicated?

[TheWell]

Are you in therapy? It sounds like you should be. You need to work through the trauma from the rape. The not wanting to be touched sounds like it's totally related to the unprocessed trauma.

What you are... Here's my take. I tell people that I'm bisexual but the truth is I'm just attracted to who I am attracted to. I only label myself because others want me to.

I wouldn't worry so much about your sexuality until you get your trauma work done. You can call your primary care doctor or call your insurance company to get a therapy referral.

[THE16THDOCTOR]

Originally Posted by TheWell

Are you in therapy? It sounds like you should be. You need to work through the trauma from the rape. The not wanting to be touched sounds like it's totally related to the unprocessed trauma.

What you are... Here's my take. I tell people that I'm bisexual but the truth is I'm just attracted to who I am attracted to. I only label myself because others want me to.

I wouldn't worry so much about your sexuality until you get your trauma work done. You can call your primary care doctor or call your insurance company to get a therapy referral.

I agree. I know the sexuality issue is rough but getting through the trauma and to a better place will help you through that. You went through one of the worst experiences a person can go through that ruins ppl lives I think more than most realize. The psychological effects are torture. A dr/therapist could help you get through it. Then think abt the sexuality. Also I agree again. No labels just go out with who you want. Who cares be happy with whoever.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Dante'sStoker

Hello, GirlOfManyFaces. I am not qualified to answer your questions. Would you consider talking to your primary care physician for a referral to a specialist(s) if indicated?

I don't talk to people about this kind of stuff. That's why I'm on here...

Originally Posted by TheWell

Are you in therapy? It sounds like you should be. You need to work through the trauma from the rape. The not wanting to be touched sounds like it's totally related to the unprocessed trauma.

What you are... Here's my take. I tell people that I'm bisexual but the truth is I'm just attracted to who I am attracted to. I only label myself because others want me to.

I wouldn't worry so much about your sexuality until you get your trauma work done. You can call your primary care doctor or call your insurance company to get a therapy referral.

My therapist sucks. She made everything ten times worse that it is.

I use to be a very warm and fuzzy person. I was always getting a group hug together. But now I HATE IT! I know it's related to my past abuse, not just from the guy who raped me, but all past abusers. (Add the fact I have a fear of men)

I have to say I'm straight because I'm in a Christian school. But Im not. I guess bisexuals fits the best...

I think the sexuality issues are somehow linked to the abuse. I was hoping someone would see it and help me.

Originally Posted by THE16THDOCTOR

I agree. I know the sexuality issue is rough but getting through the trauma and to a better place will help you through that. You went through one of the worst experiences a person can go through that ruins ppl lives I think more than most realize. The psychological effects are torture. A dr/therapist could help you get through it. Then think abt the sexuality. Also I agree again. No labels just go out with who you want. Who cares be happy with whoever.

Thanks. It's just hard to find somebody because I can't really ask somebody if they are bi without being questioned. I wish I could be a part of a LGTB community. But my parents are very Anti-gays... So ya it's very rough...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

I have questions and I don't know what topic to put them in so I am mixing them here...


PHOBIAS

I have many many many phobias. But the one bothering me now is I CANNOT be touched, bumbled, tapped, or whatever.(due to previous sexual abuse and Rape) I almost screamed in a coffee shop today because an old lady behind me was flipping the tag of my shirt back. The tag was showing and she was fixing it. But I didn't know this lady. I COMPLETELY stopped moving and breathing. I started to scream but my mother stopped me.
Then I was just laying on the couch and my mother touched my foot and I jumped off the couch and almost ran out of the room. But I just pretended I had to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't be suspicious.

You get the point... I can't be touched... HOW CAN I HELP THIS?
I need to get over this.


SEXUALITY

I don't know what I am.

I'm attracted to gay guys, tomboy lesbians, and sometimes straight guys... But I'm mostly in love with gay guys.

I don't understand this. What am I?

I like the girls who usually have their hair short. Idk if you would call it butch though. Anyway...

Am I just BI? Or lesbian? Or WHAT??

I need help figuring this out.

Phobias - it does not seem that you have phobias. It does seem that you have a PTSD.

Sexuality - you are too young to worry about these things. Some people go through life unsure, and that is OK.

1) PTSD: early intervention drastically improves outcomes. A link on this site: Early Intervention Drastically Reduces PTSD in Children | Psych Central News

In other words, the PTSD issue is on fire and your therapist should know about the incidents with the tag in the coffee shop and with your mother touching your foot at home.

2) The sexuality issue is not on fire at all. Just relax.

[BeeKeeper]

So sorry you're dealing with all this stuff

Sexual assault is the worst psychological baggage to carry. But, trust me, even though opening up and telling either a pdoc or T about this will be a really painful moment, it will be worth it. This is too big a thing to carry on your own- let somebody else carry that load for a little while. Took me seven years to learn that, but I felt physically lighter after being honest about the trauma in my past with my doc and a support group. It was amazing how I was able to begin to forgive and move on after just releasing that pain into the universe.

So, really, talk to someone, IRL. That's the only way you can even begin to deal with everything else. And don't wait another seven years, like me!

As for your therapist- She's not a mind reader, so she can't help you with what she doesn't know is an issue. That being said, it's okay to find a new T if your relationship with this one isn't constructive. Talk therapy is so crucial for dealing with trauma.
Plus, you have to make a vow to yourself that you'll be honest with them. That was another hard thing for me to learn- I've been in regular therapy for years, but, as I said, it took me seven years to be honest about the worst issues in my past. Start by being honest and your therapist is going to be able to help you a lot more.

Last thing, and this is oddly specific: The thing that has helped me most, in working through my own assault was this phrase: "I was [insert horrible, no good very bad thing here]. IT WAS WRONG. I forgive him. I forgive myself. I turn this over to [Diety of choice/The universe]."
The period after the second sentence is crucial. No "it was wrong, but..." Because it was wrong. What happened was horrible. Trying to justify what happened will make it impossible to begin to forgive.

I must have written that phrase hundreds of times, said it to myself thousands. But now, whenever that hurt begins to bubble up again (because it will never totally go away), I can work through the pain and turn it over to the universe, instead of pushing it down.

Wow, that is officially the longest and heaviest post I've ever written here. I hope I was a little bit helpful

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by BeeKeeper

So sorry you're dealing with all this stuff

Sexual assault is the worst psychological baggage to carry. But, trust me, even though opening up and telling either a pdoc or T about this will be a really painful moment, it will be worth it. This is too big a thing to carry on your own- let somebody else carry that load for a little while. Took me seven years to learn that, but I felt physically lighter after being honest about the trauma in my past with my doc and a support group. It was amazing how I was able to begin to forgive and move on after just releasing that pain into the universe.

So, really, talk to someone, IRL. That's the only way you can even begin to deal with everything else. And don't wait another seven years, like me!

As for your therapist- She's not a mind reader, so she can't help you with what she doesn't know is an issue. That being said, it's okay to find a new T if your relationship with this one isn't constructive. Talk therapy is so crucial for dealing with trauma.
Plus, you have to make a vow to yourself that you'll be honest with them. That was another hard thing for me to learn- I've been in regular therapy for years, but, as I said, it took me seven years to be honest about the worst issues in my past. Start by being honest and your therapist is going to be able to help you a lot more.

Last thing, and this is oddly specific: The thing that has helped me most, in working through my own assault was this phrase: "I was [insert horrible, no good very bad thing here]. IT WAS WRONG. I forgive him. I forgive myself. I turn this over to [Diety of choice/The universe]."
The period after the second sentence is crucial. No "it was wrong, but..." Because it was wrong. What happened was horrible. Trying to justify what happened will make it impossible to begin to forgive.

I must have written that phrase hundreds of times, said it to myself thousands. But now, whenever that hurt begins to bubble up again (because it will never totally go away), I can work through the pain and turn it over to the universe, instead of pushing it down.

Wow, that is officially the longest and heaviest post I've ever written here. I hope I was a little bit helpful

Thank you. This was very helpful.

[BeeKeeper]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

Thank you. This was very helpful.

I'm glad to hear that. Take care of yourself, it'll be worth the pain and hard work in the end.