Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Mental Health Support > OCD and Trichotillomania



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 10-04-2009, 12:48 AM   #1
Grand Member
 
Amanda_1981's Avatar
Amanda_1981 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 529
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

Ever since I was about 15, I started getting these horrible... really horrible bad thoughts. Thoughts I couldn't until very recently (13 years later) even say out loud because I was afraid people would think I was a bad person and lock me up in a loony bin. The thoughts I get are of hurting people. Not just hurting people, but killing people... killing my family, killing strangers, killing my dog... . And it gets worse. I also get thoughts about saying horrible sexual inappropriate things out loud in public places or yelling out inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. I can't even say the rest of my thoughts just that it has to do with God and the devil. I often cry myself to sleep because the thoughts get so bad. I don't know why I get them, but I DO know that I would NEVER act on them. I've seen therapists before and they have told me that it is a severe form of ocd that I have and these thoughts are just my ocd and that's all it is, is ocd. But it drives me crazy sometimes.. I feel like I'm this evil person to have such evil thoughts. A psychiatrist once told me the fact that I don't want these thoughts just proves that I'm sane, so that made me feel a little better. I tend to go through periods of time where they get worse and times when they are better. Right now they are somewhat ok but starting to get bad again because halloween is coming up and all the scary horror shows on tv are triggering them. Please tell me I'm not alone (not that I would wish this on anyone) but I must not be the only one who has this type of ocd am I? I just hate having no one to talk to about it and having to always hide it from people because of fear that they'll think I'm a freak or that they'll be scared of me. I just want to be normal.
Amanda_1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 10-04-2009, 06:44 AM   #2
Pup
Account Suspended
Pup has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 822
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

I have this type of OCD(I also have compulsions too) and it's HELL. I am sorry you go through it too. I'm glad however we can at least relate and feel less alone and more understood.
Can you tell your dr that the OCD is causing you distress?
Have you tried any treatments?
Are you willing to try any?

Take care of you.
x
Pup is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-06-2009, 10:13 AM   #3
Grand Poohbah
 
perpetuallysad's Avatar
perpetuallysad has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,728
My Mood:

5 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

I have similar thoughts as well. And some physical compulsions...

I have only told my pdoc a very few of these things because I fear that even he will want to lock me up. What sucks is how they come unbidden and I will then dwell on them and then the ideas grow and grow into these large scenarios. Of course, even while they are happening I will be horrified that I would/could even think them.

So, no, you are not alone. It freaking sucks. The best and only tactic that I have found to be remotely capable of stopping these thoughts is to completely fill my mind with something else. The more complicated the better. I will try to think only in French or do intricate math problems. Stuff like that. Or read with a vengeance. The problem with me is that compulsive thoughts happen a lot to me and I then end up spending a lot more time in my head trying to stop them which disconnects me from the real world more.

Wow, I cannot say that I have been helpful at all here, but I did want you to know that you aren't the only one.
perpetuallysad is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-07-2009, 05:17 PM   #4
Grand Member
 
larakeziah's Avatar
larakeziah confused and distressed
 
Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: England
Posts: 644
My Mood:

5 yr Member
30 hugs
given
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

I unfortunately don't have any advice but jus want you to no that your're not alone as i have similar thoughts an it is so difficult to function with any normality! Fortunately tho for me my other physical obsessions an compulsions take over most of the time! I wish you all the best tho :-)
larakeziah is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-10-2009, 05:41 PM   #5
Grand Member
 
Amanda_1981's Avatar
Amanda_1981 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 529
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

Thanks you everyone for your replies. Pup, I take medication (paxil) for my ocd and I used to take risperadol for it but recently got off of it because it caused too much weight gain. I wish I could afford therapy, I think it would really help me.

Perpetuallysad, I agree, the best thing to do is to completely think of something else and try to distract yourself as much as you can. When I get them real bad, I try to watch something funny on tv or go on the internet and play a game or call a friend who knows about it and tell them how I'm feeling. I find that sometimes helps.

I find when I have caffeine, it makes the thoughts worse so I try to avoid as much caffeine as possible. Isn't it strange how we think things that we would NEVER do.. things that disturb us so much... I just don't understand ocd sometimes.
Amanda_1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-11-2009, 03:22 AM   #6
Pup
Account Suspended
Pup has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 822
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

Could you go to your doctor and ask if you could get referred to someone or them to pay for some therapy? Is there any way around this?

Paxil, ah, I heard of that, Paroxetine I think it is over here, not to be used in under 18's, I was gonna go on it till I found that little fact out. Does it help?

OCD works like that, it's distressing, exhausting, it makes you think/feel awful about yourself, it makes you feel like you are so and so, and it makes you to become the scapegoat. It blames you for it all. It doesn't give up with that. It makes you feel awful and it puts awful, disturbing, obsessive, intrusive, violent, unacceptable, inappropriate, sexual, religious etc thoughts, images, impulses into your mind & makes YOU the one who is responsible and makes YOU feel bad, makes YOU feel like you're the bad guy & makes you hate yourself that little bit more.

You need to recgonize what is YOUR thoughts, and what is OCD thoughts. Once you do this, you need to put those thoughts aside, blow them off, don't take any notice, try not to react, because if you do, they'll get stronger, more persistant. OCD works by figuring out what will distress you the most, and it works that against you. It does care about how you feel, because it feeds off of the anger, the upset, the distress, it feeds off of that & it works that against you.

The more you ignore this, the more you avoid reacting, and you tell yourself "This is OCD, it's not me, it's just OCD" the more you tell that to yourself & BELIEVE IT, the easier it will get...

I'm still in that process, but I do try hard to tell myself it's just OCD acting up & it isn't me, or my thoughts, or my images, it's not me... & to not react, to not pay attention, to not fight with the thoughts/images/impulses etc... but to keep myself distracted, tell myself it's OCD & try to cope...

I hope I've helped somehow.
xx
Pup is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-11-2009, 05:19 AM   #7
Pirate Goddess
 
Maven's Avatar
Maven feels like a failure.
 
Member Since: Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 4,691
My Mood:

8 yr Member
532 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

I get those thoughts sometimes, although it was worse when I was younger, until I realized I knew I wouldn't act on them. Since then, the thoughts just come and go, almost unnoticed.
__________________
Maven

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights

Maven is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-11-2009, 08:15 PM   #8
Grand Poohbah
 
perpetuallysad's Avatar
perpetuallysad has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,728
My Mood:

5 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

It really bugs me. Today I had several periods where I was thinking some truly horrible things and I know I won't act on them, but I actually go through the whole thought process. Starting with the initial thought (usually involves doing something violent) and then imagine the whole process that would happen after the initial act.

Its weird, because in my real life, I am not a violent person, I don't even kill bugs. I wonder if these things come from repressed thoughts or memories. I had a very violent childhood...maybe they come from that?
perpetuallysad is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-12-2009, 02:38 AM   #9
Pirate Goddess
 
Maven's Avatar
Maven feels like a failure.
 
Member Since: Oct 2005
Location: South Jersey, USA
Posts: 4,691
My Mood:

8 yr Member
532 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

I don't know. I didn't have a violent childhood--that's not to say there was no violence at all. I've watched horror movies since I was a kid, so that may have contributed. I think it's more about what shocks us and perhaps it's to reaffirm we're not that kind of person(s).
__________________
Maven

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights

Maven is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Unread 10-12-2009, 03:04 AM   #10
Pup
Account Suspended
Pup has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 822
My Mood:

5 yr Member
Default Re: bad thoughts... really REALLY bad thoughts...

There is no specific trigger for OCD, each to our own, every individual is different.

I had an abusive, neglectful, violent, aggressive, quite bad childhood (that was stripped away from me), I've been through a lot & I suppose that's had a great impact on me developing OCD. But just because that is so, doesn't mean it is for someone else. Anything and everything can trigger OCD.

x
Pup is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:35 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity Guidelines Help

Helplines and Lifelines
eTrust Pro Certified