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Unread 05-02-2014, 11:13 PM   #1
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Default I am terrified

So as some of you know I've been off work for over 2.months for my back surgery. Well tomorrow I'm heading back to work. I spent wed night at the er for self harm and sui thoughts. They ended up not admitting me because I had a therapy session the next day. On Thursday my therapist said I need intensive outpatient asap as.my depression is so horrible.

So I went to my intake appt today at the hospital. We were trying to figure out my pt work schedule and how it will fit with the outpatient program. My intake therapist told me that it is vital that I'm at the program 4 days a week so Monday thru Thursday and Friday just for my own day. I explained that I couldn't possibly ask work for more time off. She assured me that with a letter stating im under the care of the hospital for the next three plus weeks that it would be ok. She carefully wrote it out and I agreed to the way it was worded. Only problem is we couldn't get it by today because the pdoc has to sign it and she wasn't in today.

So as I was saying I work tomorrow and I already committed to Monday so I won't get the Dr note till Tuesday. How in the world is my employer going to react to this? They are aware of my psych issues so I'll have to tell them about what is going on. I won't go into detail with them...I'll just say that we figured out recently that while I was healing from my surgery my depression got worse. I won't tell them how empty I feel inside. How im so full of anxiety that im shaking. That I always feel like the police are out to get me. Or how I hurt myself. That I feel so full of unhappiness it's hard to breathe. That I'm on way to many meds to feel this way. Oh god and I have NO idea how I'm going to work period. I have no appetite do I'm eating just enough so I don't starve myself. I feel like such a downer here tonight but I have no where else to turn to..I'm scared of works reaction ya but I'm much more terrified at how bad I truly feel. Does anyone out there have any advice or have you had to tell yr employer that you had to miss work due to psych issues? Any help or love is welcome cause Lord knows I need it. I haven't felt this desperate since I was hospitalized in 2004. Thx for reading my long post.

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Unread 05-02-2014, 11:36 PM   #2
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Default Re: I am terrified

So many hugs. I hope things work out well. My mom has a saying: don't borrow trouble.

And yea it infuriates me, but she is right in that you cannot control what these other people will do. You are taking care of yourself and that is a very bog deal
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Unread 05-03-2014, 02:41 AM   #3
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Unread 05-03-2014, 06:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: I am terrified

First thing I would say is protect your self by using the Family Leave Act. If I had known I could use it before it would have protected my last job. A few people on here use it. Unpaid leave but they can't touch your job or risk a law suit.

http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/

Quote:
Overview
The FMLA entitles eligible employees of covered employers to take unpaid, job-protected leave for specified family and medical reasons with continuation of group health insurance coverage under the same terms and conditions as if the employee had not taken leave. Eligible employees are entitled to:
Twelve workweeks of leave in a 12-month period for:
the birth of a child and to care for the newborn child within one year of birth;
the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care and to care for the newly placed child within one year of placement;
to care for the employee’s spouse, child, or parent who has a serious health condition;
a serious health condition that makes the employee unable to perform the essential functions of his or her job;
any qualifying exigency arising out of the fact that the employee’s spouse, son, daughter, or parent is a covered military member on “covered active duty;” or
Twenty-six workweeks of leave during a single 12-month period to care for a covered servicemember with a serious injury or illness if the eligible employee is the servicemember’s spouse, son, daughter, parent, or next of kin (military caregiver leave).
I would have used this had I known a year and a half ago. I was very lucky for 11 years when I worked for a small shop. The owner I new in AA and he hired me. When my depression came up I was totally honest with him. suicide attempt and all. I would miss three weeks to a month three times a years. I don't know how he put up with it. I pretty much ran his business and was very valuable to him but three times a year I would just disappear for a month. I would give him one phone call and say I am down and don't know when I will be better. After that I would not answer the phone or answer the door. He would call every freaking day but I wouldn't answer. When I came out of it I would call him and go back to work. I don't know how he dealt with it but he was very understanding and supportive.

Then he closed up shop and I joined the union. That was the real world. Those contractors were not going to put up with that. If I missed three days my job was on the line. I was lucky there too because the economy was crashing so I was laid off a lot and was doing good when I was working. Except that last job where they would not put up with it. My a-hole pdoc would only give me two weeks state disability even though I was very very suicidal. He actually told me to get my butt back to work. So I took another job, worked one day and the next morning had a total breakdown in the site parking lot. I called the boss and told him I couldn't take the job due to mental health issue and he laid me off.

Long winded but your mental health is the most important.
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Unread 05-03-2014, 07:05 AM   #5
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Default Re: I am terrified

When I took a couple months off work because of depression ... Going back to work seemed like the scariest thing ever. I was worried about how people would react and the gossip around the office. I started out really slow. Like 2 times a week half days... Then only when I felt confident did they increase by work hours..... And I just sat there doing nothing .... Everyone was too worried to give me work. I felt texting friends during work when I got in trouble helped. And visiting my therapist frequently while I transitioned back to work helped too. My company uses an insurance co to handle my case and the case worker would not allow me to just go back full time. That everyone regardless of mental issues or surgery needs to transition slowly back to work .....hope this helps ... Maybe a very slow tradition back to work will help
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Unread 05-03-2014, 10:55 AM   #6
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Default Re: I am terrified

Thanks alot for all yr feedback. It really helps. Unfortunately I don't have fmla because it's a pt job. The good news is that I am available to work Fridays Saturdays and Sundays. Maybe I'll just tell my employer that I need the week off to rest my back cause I'm still having pain? That might work and I wouldn't have to give them a note from the pdoc at all. If I can avoid giving them another note that would be best. I don't think they can fire me because my spine doc did restrict me to only 2 days a week anyways. If they say that won't work then I'll give them the note. So technically I would still be working the two days a week. It's just going to be hard to not have any days to myself but I'll still have a job. You guys are awesome! Wish me luck today. I'm scared to go back but once I see my friends it won't be so bad.

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Unread 05-03-2014, 12:16 PM   #7
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Default Re: I am terrified

Good luck, I hope it goes ok today It sounds like you have a good plan with the extra time off you're gonna need...but if it's gonna be too much for you not to have any free time you should definitely give them the note.
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Unread 05-03-2014, 01:55 PM   #8
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(((((littlemiss))))))
Good luck.
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Unread 05-03-2014, 06:53 PM   #9
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Default Re: I am terrified

Guess what? It went really well. I told them I can only work on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays but.just picking two of those days. I didn't have to bring up my intensive outpatient program at all! I'm.thrilled that stress is behind me. Thx for all yr support guys. :-)

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Unread 05-03-2014, 07:06 PM   #10
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Default Re: I am terrified

I'm really glad you are doing this now. After my back surgery over a year ago I didn't address the affect of it on my mood disorder until now. Way to be proactive! Do what you need to do to take care of you.
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