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Unread 02-22-2014, 01:05 AM   #1
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Default Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

I have been depressed for quite a while now. I have very few friends and sometimes I tend to become obnoxious hence I don't have many friends. My grades have been falling and which in an engineering college is very harmful. Things haven't been going good with my girlfriend and I have never been more insecure about her (we are in a long distance relationship). I am getting too angry, sad, depressed lately. I don't know what to do. Since I don't have many friends and don't know how to make new ones I spend most of my time alone. This loneliness is not of any help but I don't know how to get rid of it. Everything seems to be wrong in my life. Have been hoping for things to get better for quite a while but nothing has happened. Can someone help me?
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Unread 02-22-2014, 11:11 AM   #2
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Wanthelp101. First, have you taken advantage of any counseling services offered by your college?

Oppressive loneliness can be a terrible weight. The long-distance relationship probably doesn't help.

Your falling grades -- are you able to determine why:
  • depression/loneliness?
  • lost passion for the field?
  • lack of aptitude for the field?
  • lack of passion or loss of passion for one subject that's affecting all your other study?
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Unread 02-22-2014, 11:18 AM   #3
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

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Unread 02-22-2014, 11:41 AM   #4
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

I wish I Could help, but I'm afraid all I can do is relate. I'm not feeling secure in my relationship either & the "light at the end of My tunnel " is an oncoming train! I've been dealing with depression too. My bf is a Selfish, Insensitive, *****! I'm here if you want to talk.
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Unread 02-22-2014, 01:03 PM   #5
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

Wanthelp,

Your name is really hopeful. Take note of that.

I think depression isn't realizing you're in a tunnel. Or even being in a tunnel. We all go into them in life. But depression is being in the tunnel, slowing down or stopping, and instead of looking at the end, we look down at the ground. We lose sight of the fact that it ends.

I say that you have reasons to be depressed and it's understandable. You have a fair amount of pressure on you, and the depression is a response by your body and your subconscious to cope.

Your anger and frustration can HELP you get through this. But if you ignore or suppress the anger, your depression will grow. First, suspend judgement on the way you feel. Don't think about whether it's right or wrong for you to feel frustrated or angry.

If you're honest about the current situation, you can look at the things you're holding as valuable and it may be time for you to change one. Maybe you don't really feel good about engineering, but feel guilty changing direction? Maybe you want to do something else besides your current education model? Maybe the relationship with your girlfriend has problems that you need to address or it would be healthy to part ways? You probably feel guilt about that too.

I test myself by asking, "if that decision was made for me would I feel better? Even if it hurt at first like ripping off a bandaid, would I feel better?" Often the answer is yes. And then I know I'm getting anxious and depressed because I'm delaying a decision based on how it would look to the rest of the world, and my fear of being wrong. I maintain looking ok because the pain I inflict on myself (depression) is more normal and manageable to me.

Your situation isn't just as simple almost done making a decision. There are probably other factors and that's why a reputable counselor and help diagnosing is important for you. But I want you to view the way you feel and your experiences more objectively than what it is like being under the weight of them.

Take Alone&confused's response above. (Hope it's ok if I pick on ya because we're all trying to get better.) Based on the description of her relationship with her boyfriend I think the answer is clear as day that it's a huge source of pain for her and if it went away--the whole relationship--she would be better. But she'd rather tell you that it sucks and he sucks and everything sucks because it feels a little better to vent and keep that pain she has instead of opening up to a different pain at risk of getting free. I know how this works, but it's taken years and lots of damage inflicted on the things I care about.

Seek help hard right now. You already are and that's good. That anger will help you fight the pain and improve your situation. That's what it's for right?

Peace and blessings
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Unread 02-22-2014, 01:10 PM   #6
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

The other posters have given some wonderful suggestions. I just wanted to say that I empathize with you, and send my best wishes. I'm a 21-y-old junior in college, and my freshman and sophomore years felt a lot like what you described. I was diagnosed with depression back then, and finally with bipolar disorder last year after a psychotic break + hospitalization.

It's great that you're reaching out for help. Try to make the most of the resources available to you, and get as much help as possible so that you can understand your unique situation.

I would be happy to talk with you, e.g. over personal message, about staying mentally healthy while at college (and anything else!). Take care, and good luck!

- Allie
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Unread 02-22-2014, 03:21 PM   #7
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

Quote:
Originally Posted by bushwackback View Post
Wanthelp,

Your name is really hopeful. Take note of that.

I think depression isn't realizing you're in a tunnel. Or even being in a tunnel. We all go into them in life. But depression is being in the tunnel, slowing down or stopping, and instead of looking at the end, we look down at the ground. We lose sight of the fact that it ends.

I say that you have reasons to be depressed and it's understandable. You have a fair amount of pressure on you, and the depression is a response by your body and your subconscious to cope.

Your anger and frustration can HELP you get through this. But if you ignore or suppress the anger, your depression will grow. First, suspend judgement on the way you feel. Don't think about whether it's right or wrong for you to feel frustrated or angry.

If you're honest about the current situation, you can look at the things you're holding as valuable and it may be time for you to change one. Maybe you don't really feel good about engineering, but feel guilty changing direction? Maybe you want to do something else besides your current education model? Maybe the relationship with your girlfriend has problems that you need to address or it would be healthy to part ways? You probably feel guilt about that too.

I test myself by asking, "if that decision was made for me would I feel better? Even if it hurt at first like ripping off a bandaid, would I feel better?" Often the answer is yes. And then I know I'm getting anxious and depressed because I'm delaying a decision based on how it would look to the rest of the world, and my fear of being wrong. I maintain looking ok because the pain I inflict on myself (depression) is more normal and manageable to me.

Your situation isn't just as simple almost done making a decision. There are probably other factors and that's why a reputable counselor and help diagnosing is important for you. But I want you to view the way you feel and your experiences more objectively than what it is like being under the weight of them.

Take Alone&confused's response above. (Hope it's ok if I pick on ya because we're all trying to get better.) Based on the description of her relationship with her boyfriend I think the answer is clear as day that it's a huge source of pain for her and if it went away--the whole relationship--she would be better. But she'd rather tell you that it sucks and he sucks and everything sucks because it feels a little better to vent and keep that pain she has instead of opening up to a different pain at risk of getting free. I know how this works, but it's taken years and lots of damage inflicted on the things I care about.

Seek help hard right now. You already are and that's good. That anger will help you fight the pain and improve your situation. That's what it's for right?

Peace and blessings
No, I don't mind. But I've been thinking, & I think my problem with my bf is , even though I WANT him to be happy, (& he IS happy go lucky ALL THE TIME!) when I'm depressed (which I am A WHOLE LOT!) I resent him because I WANT TO BE HAPPY TOO and I CAN'T be. Even the thought of TRYING to be (or pretend to be) seems like a betrayal of how I Truly feel in this state of mind & I just can't pull myself out of it! If that makes any sense. It's like trying to go with the flow when your water is stale & stagnant.
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Unread 02-22-2014, 07:38 PM   #8
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

Well, even though another person can't MAKE us feel anything, do you feel guilty like you bring him down? Or that you don't have a right to feel the way you do?
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Unread 02-22-2014, 10:02 PM   #9
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

"First, suspend judgement on the way you feel."

I love this, I really do. Thank you for it.
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Unread 02-23-2014, 02:42 AM   #10
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Default Re: Seeing no light at the end of the tunnel

I'm in a similar boat in terms of loneliness and grades. For the friends issue though, may I suggest clubs and volunteer work? There are a lot of people to meet and see. I know I get really sad when my roommates all have parties to go to on the weekends and I'm sitting at in the kitchen goofing off online and not really doing much of anything. So I've been trying to drag myself to different events on campus and see if I can meet a few other lonely souls. I also make it a habit to try and chat with people in class. Starting with sitting next to the same person day in and day out and asking them questions about where they're from and what year they're in. It helps

Best of luck and keep us updated on what's happening!
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