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Unread 10-02-2013, 10:57 PM   #1
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Confused Feeling alone- please reply

So, it's been a long time since I've visited psychcentral. Maybe even a year or more. A lot has happened in my life. But no one on here knows me so I guess to tell you that I got married in August wouldn't mean much- unless you know I've been divorced 10 years and had totally given up on love. Didn't even believe in it. Now, I absolutely love my husband and am so glad to be married. My life is more optimistic and my mental health is overall better.

So what's the problem? Well, for one my husband works nights. 12hr shifts and 5-7 days a week. I work days Mon-Fri. And me, who has been independent with her 2 kids for 10 years is suddenly finding myself with severe separation anxiety, begging him not to go to work and crying- like bawling- once he leaves. But before you say he should get another job... let me just add that's not really an option right now.

For two, I moved to a new town to be with him. About 2hrs away. New job, new everything. The kids (who I was worried about) are adjusting GREAT. Me (who I figured would be fine) am not so much. For one, the move also means I have no counselor here. The only counselor I've trusted all my life (and I've seen plenty) and have been seeing weekly for almost 3 years I now have to do without. Which in all honesty, I thought would be fine. We had 'closure' and he actually thought I could do well without therapy as long as I stayed social and not isolated. And I'm trying not to get isolated but I'm not connecting so well with people here.

And lastly, my husband doesn't really understand my depression I don't think. Which makes me feel like he doesn't understand me. Not that I am in a severe depressive state right now, but I just feel like he doesn't get me so much of the time. And to me that's one of the worst feelings in the world. I would rather be understood than just about anything else in the world.

Which I guess it what brings me here. Another lonely night...remembering psych central and figured I'd reach out. And if anyone has any clue why an independent professional women and mother of 2 who has been single for 10 years would suddenly feel as if she can't separate from her husband for a 12 hour shift without dying a little inside... I'd love some insight too.

Thanks for listening.
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"Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy,the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?..I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired.I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”-Elizabeth Wurtzel
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Unread 10-02-2013, 11:04 PM   #2
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

Hello there!

I can't say I can relate, but I understand where you are. I, myself, am single 33 and all alone, but if I were married it would be hard to watch my husband leave me every night.

I suggest you look around the forum, familiarize your self with our community a bit more, and I'm sure you will feel more at ease.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I have an ear and am willing to listen, so please feel free to reach out to me if you want, just to talk so you're not so alone.
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Unread 10-03-2013, 02:30 AM   #3
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

I hear ya. I'm on the other side of the fence and away from my family right now. I try to stay in touch with my wife while I'm away but i don't want to be over bearing either. So you can hit me up as well. Take care. It will get better. :-)
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Unread 10-03-2013, 05:03 AM   #4
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here for you as well.

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Unread 10-03-2013, 05:58 AM   #5
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

What a touching post! Amidst the happiness of a new marriage, it sounds like you may be experiencing grief from of what you left behind - counselor, job, familiarity, roots, etc. Must feel scary, especially when you unexpectedly find yourself feeling not so happy but expect you should be.

Many years ago my new husband and I left the day we were married and moved 800 miles away. The homesickness was swift and hit me hard.
I had come from a kind of crazy family and was happy to be getting away ... only to learn I missed them when I moved!! I ended up making friends and getting settled it. Time and effort were what it took but it certainly wasn't without some pain.

Hugs to you.
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Unread 10-03-2013, 07:45 AM   #6
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Unread 10-04-2013, 03:53 PM   #7
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

Thank you all so much for the support and comments. Im typing this from my phone so it will be short but I wanted you to know that I've been reading them and appreciate them. My emotions have just been so out of whack and out of control lately!! And every time my husband even hints at wanting to work overtime I cringe but I know we need the money. I should be thankful for a husband willing to work but I miss him...and everyone else in my old town too. *sigh* I'm worried I wont get it right. I'll fall into depression again and he'll blame himself (because that's exactly what he'd do) and it'll make everyone miserable.

Anyway sorry for all the complaining. And thanks again for the replies.
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"Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy,the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?..I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired.I am twenty and I am already exhausted.”-Elizabeth Wurtzel
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Unread 10-04-2013, 05:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

Sorry that I can't help, but I sent you a hug, anyway. Welcome back to PC.
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Unread 10-04-2013, 06:17 PM   #9
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One day at a time ... that is all any of us have to do is one day at a time.
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Unread 10-04-2013, 06:45 PM   #10
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Default Re: Feeling alone- please reply

Welcome back to PC!

I can kind of relate to what's going on as I'm also newly married and moved several hours away to be with my husband...and for the first seven months of our marriage, we were basically on opposite schedules as I was working nights and he worked days. It was not easy. Just do your best, that's all anyone of us can do.
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