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Unread 08-26-2013, 02:29 AM   #1
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Default My depression is getting worse...

I've had Dysthymia for as long as I can remember...I don't think I've ever had a major depressive episode, but I feel mild to moderately depressed the vast majority of the time.

Then again, I have nothing to compare it to...this is normal for me, so maybe it's more than mild to moderate.

But I don't seem to be able to get much done or concentrate on anything for long enough. I feel stuck inside (and therefore very lonely) because unless I'm going over to my neighbors, the anxiety is too strong for me to go out. Just going to Walgreens had me so anxious that I felt sick when I got home. I also always feel "out of it" and that I might appear like I'm drunk or disoriented when I'm out in public. It's difficult for me to even type this out.

I'm not sure what I want out of this...I just feel alone.

By the way, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month and I'm not interested in trying therapy again.
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Unread 08-26-2013, 12:43 PM   #2
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Default Re: My depression is getting worse...

Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End. View Post
I've had Dysthymia for as long as I can remember...I don't think I've ever had a major depressive episode, but I feel mild to moderately depressed the vast majority of the time.

Then again, I have nothing to compare it to...this is normal for me, so maybe it's more than mild to moderate.

But I don't seem to be able to get much done or concentrate on anything for long enough. I feel stuck inside (and therefore very lonely) because unless I'm going over to my neighbors, the anxiety is too strong for me to go out. Just going to Walgreens had me so anxious that I felt sick when I got home. I also always feel "out of it" and that I might appear like I'm drunk or disoriented when I'm out in public. It's difficult for me to even type this out.

I'm not sure what I want out of this...I just feel alone.























By the way, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month and I'm not interested in trying therapy again.



Hi I.Am

How are you feeling today. We were in the chat room room last night, I know you are struggling with depression right now, as well as isolation.

I have lived with dysthymia, myself, for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was very anxious, sensitive, a worrier. By the time I was 12, I was so stressed with my life, and in my late teens, I started having panic attacks.

My sadness is always with me, -- always, but I am able to function, and live a full life -- for that I am very grateful.

I am now 65, so have been coping with this for many years. I am struggling right now with more sadness than usual, and am quite emotional -- tears come and go -- and I am not a person who easily cries -- if anything, I dislike it immensely -- but, right now, they seems to be a good release.

As I am getting older, I am seeing that maybe I need to let the emotion out -- tears will do that -- maybe I will learn to accept that.

Having constant, chronic depression is very difficult -- I tend to go into my shell more, at times

Like you, I do not think more of talk therapy -- honestly, my life, except for this, is very good. There is nothing in my childhood, or my marriage, or my raising a family, that needs to be discussed. As far as I see it, this condition is genetic, it is biological, it is clinical. In the family -- in mine, big time. So I come well by this "miserable curse"!!!

I could go on and on -- please know you have a source of understanding and support from me
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Unread 08-26-2013, 07:31 PM   #3
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Default Re: My depression is getting worse...

Quote:
Originally Posted by happy 2 b here View Post
Hi I.Am

How are you feeling today. We were in the chat room room last night, I know you are struggling with depression right now, as well as isolation.

I have lived with dysthymia, myself, for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was very anxious, sensitive, a worrier. By the time I was 12, I was so stressed with my life, and in my late teens, I started having panic attacks.

My sadness is always with me, -- always, but I am able to function, and live a full life -- for that I am very grateful.

I am now 65, so have been coping with this for many years. I am struggling right now with more sadness than usual, and am quite emotional -- tears come and go -- and I am not a person who easily cries -- if anything, I dislike it immensely -- but, right now, they seems to be a good release.

As I am getting older, I am seeing that maybe I need to let the emotion out -- tears will do that -- maybe I will learn to accept that.

Having constant, chronic depression is very difficult -- I tend to go into my shell more, at times

Like you, I do not think more of talk therapy -- honestly, my life, except for this, is very good. There is nothing in my childhood, or my marriage, or my raising a family, that needs to be discussed. As far as I see it, this condition is genetic, it is biological, it is clinical. In the family -- in mine, big time. So I come well by this "miserable curse"!!!

I could go on and on -- please know you have a source of understanding and support from me
Well, unlike you I don't feel like I can function at the level I need to do all that I want to do and to be ultimately be as happy as is possible.

My childhood wasn't bad by any means, but I never really bonded with my parents and they won't hardly talk to me unless I contact them first now that I don't live with them. I even told my mom that she can call me and not worry if I'm busy because I could always call her back. But she won't. And I can't call unless I have a distinct reason (like something about money or something) and not because I just want to say hi or something.

And I'm not married...I wish I could be someday. I don't feel like I have the social ability to. The sad thing is that apparently I'm not ugly. I just have a personality that is a complete turn-off—at least for guys. And I'm not pretty enough to make up for a horrible personality. Guys have gotten pretty angry/annoyed when I expressed interest in them years ago (I don't anymore because it's inappropriate). I just tend to offend their masculinity I guess.

No one in my family has any problems that I know of...but I only talk to my parents and I rarely do that. So I can't really talk to any family about this...or really any feelings. I don't have close friends either...and so no one to talk to because I don't know anyone that I trust enough and feel comfortable talking to about anything. Therapists have just made me feel worse—a lot worse. And so I really never saw the point.

My life is very empty right now. At least when I was in school (I was in college for 7 years), I could at least pretend my life was full enough.
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Unread 09-01-2013, 09:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: My depression is getting worse...

I don't even see my friends on the weekends anymore...I don't talk to my parents anymore (their internet isn't working right and I don't have good enough reception to have a proper conversation on my phone) and now I can't even really chat on here because the chat isn't working right for me and I constantly get kicked. I know it's not my internet because I can stream video on another device just fine.

But now I'm completely alone.
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Unread 09-01-2013, 09:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: My depression is getting worse...

I can relate to some views here. I have never been much for therapy, but it does teach even those who haven't experienced what we would typically think of trauma coping skills. I would also like to point out living with a mental illness of any sort can be traumatic in a way because the life experiences we have are so altered. Even with anxiety... It is hard to cope as a child or an adult and not understand why normal stimuli or without and we respond with panic attacks like the world is falling in on us. Do not think of your own pain as less than because it still is taking away from your lives. Anyway, I wish you the best, and I am so very proud of you. If you want to talk send me a private. It is linked to my phone.
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Unread 09-02-2013, 01:09 PM   #6
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Unread 09-06-2013, 04:36 PM   #7
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Default Re: My depression is getting worse...

My psychiatrist is switching me over to a new medication...I don't know if it will work or not, but right now (for other reasons), I feel dead inside. I've just slept all day so far and I almost don't even care.
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