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Unread 04-11-2013, 01:30 PM   #1
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Default It's too difficult.

I feel lonely and isolated not because I am always physically alone in fact most of the time I am not because I live at my moms house with 4 other people, or I go to visit my dad aside from that I am either home alone or out and about alone....but no one really gets where I'm coming from.

My family loves me but they aren't very supportive at least not in the right ways about the issues I have...or there just isn't much they can do. Part of it is all the bullying and ostracism I faced at school growing up I just never really got the chance to develop any self confidence or sense of self worth....so I am not the most self directed when it comes to knowing how to change that or even how to develop some sort of support network of people who can help or at least are understanding and not overly critical........but I feel I am probably expecting too much by wanting that. But I can't think of any way to enjoy feeling so isolated and alone I mean I can't help thinking it doesn't really matter even if my over-all life improved some like I was able to get my own apartment and be more self sufficient it wouldn't be worth it if I'm doomed to feeling so isolated.

I hate feeling like no one cares when I know people in my family care, and I don't even know how to communicate in a non-hurtful way their caring isn't enough to make me feel better or make my problems go away. They also seem to think all I have to do is quit worrying and do what I have to do and get irritated when I look for advice because they think I am making things more complicated than they are. As you can see this sort of mis-communication gets in the way of any real support they maybe could offer. Its all so confusing, I am aware finding supportive people or changing up my living situation to have more space from my family so I don't concern myself with what all they might think or how they aren't understanding anything would help......but I don't have the resources to do it, and even if I get on SSI I am still not going to be doing to great financially so not sure moving out would be an option even then....and in order to not end up doing stupid things over feeling down on myself and lonely I probably need a service dog(since I lack the support network thats vital to recovory I always read about in the mental health media) but apparently getting one for psych issues that's an actual service dog and not ESA is difficult if not impossible based on what I've found on the internet.

Also in case its not obvious I am very intimidated by the idea of just going for it and putting myself out there....I can't cope well with it all on my own, yet that tends to be my only option so naturally I am afraid of things going wrong and overwhelming me and ending up injured, dead or in the psych ward all because I just can't do it on my own without proper support I have tried I either get suicidal or otherwise self destructive and stop caring about my well-being. but then what good am I if I need other peoples support? I'm 23 I should have already developed a bunch of self help skills and the confidence to cope and still make the most out of life. I mean I am a reasonable age for having kids and I can hardly handle myself with my mental state...not that I'd want to be a parent but it still is a little weird reading about people my age with kids and a bunch more responsibilities dealing with mental health issues on top of it all and I feel I have no valid reason to complain when I'm just a loser that still lives at their moms house with no life. In agruments that is one point family members like to bring up....that I don't do much so how can I possibly be so stressed.' and I get sick of then trying to explain my mental issues again only to get 'well maybe you're dwelling on it a little too much.'

Just seems like a never ending cycle of hopelessness
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Unread 04-11-2013, 03:50 PM   #2
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Default Re: It's too difficult.

Can you break your recovery steps into smaller steps so it doesn't look so intimidating?
Some small victories will help your self esteem and confidence.
Also comparing your life to your peers isn't going to help much. Try to make the most of your life instead of comparing your life to others. I understand how hard this is.
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Unread 04-11-2013, 04:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: It's too difficult.

Quote:
Originally Posted by George H. View Post
Can you break your recovery steps into smaller steps so it doesn't look so intimidating?
Some small victories will help your self esteem and confidence.
Also comparing your life to your peers isn't going to help much. Try to make the most of your life instead of comparing your life to others. I understand how hard this is.
Not really, there's not any real steps to be taken at this point that I know of...I've already applied for SSI and am waiting on the decision I am continuing with therapy I don't really know what else to do.

And I honestly I don't know how to make the most of life, when it essentially sucks most of the time. I sometimes get ideas and then I don't have the motivation, energy or confidence to do them...and I wonder what the hell I was doing getting my hopes up when it was hopeless to begin with.
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Unread 04-11-2013, 07:48 PM   #4
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Default Re: It's too difficult.

There was a time in my life when a simple walk around the block was a step I had to force myself to take. Looking back it seems like a small step but at the time it took every bit of courage I had. Different than courage really... it felt like a huge risk but a risk I had to take if I ever wanted to get my freedom and confidence back.
So any small step will do. Next time you get one of those ideas try to push yourself to follow through. And to that example I gave about my steps... there were times when I couldn't make it all the way around the block. That would seem like a failure but it wasn't really. It was just a smaller step than I'd hoped for.
If the same thing happens to you, try to look at it that way.
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Unread 04-11-2013, 08:14 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion View Post
I feel lonely and isolated not because I am always physically alone in fact most of the time I am not because I live at my moms house with 4 other people, or I go to visit my dad aside from that I am either home alone or out and about alone....but no one really gets where I'm coming from.

My family loves me but they aren't very supportive at least not in the right ways about the issues I have...or there just isn't much they can do. Part of it is all the bullying and ostracism I faced at school growing up I just never really got the chance to develop any self confidence or sense of self worth....so I am not the most self directed when it comes to knowing how to change that or even how to develop some sort of support network of people who can help or at least are understanding and not overly critical........but I feel I am probably expecting too much by wanting that. But I can't think of any way to enjoy feeling so isolated and alone I mean I can't help thinking it doesn't really matter even if my over-all life improved some like I was able to get my own apartment and be more self sufficient it wouldn't be worth it if I'm doomed to feeling so isolated.

I hate feeling like no one cares when I know people in my family care, and I don't even know how to communicate in a non-hurtful way their caring isn't enough to make me feel better or make my problems go away. They also seem to think all I have to do is quit worrying and do what I have to do and get irritated when I look for advice because they think I am making things more complicated than they are. As you can see this sort of mis-communication gets in the way of any real support they maybe could offer. Its all so confusing, I am aware finding supportive people or changing up my living situation to have more space from my family so I don't concern myself with what all they might think or how they aren't understanding anything would help......but I don't have the resources to do it, and even if I get on SSI I am still not going to be doing to great financially so not sure moving out would be an option even then....and in order to not end up doing stupid things over feeling down on myself and lonely I probably need a service dog(since I lack the support network thats vital to recovory I always read about in the mental health media) but apparently getting one for psych issues that's an actual service dog and not ESA is difficult if not impossible based on what I've found on the internet.

Also in case its not obvious I am very intimidated by the idea of just going for it and putting myself out there....I can't cope well with it all on my own, yet that tends to be my only option so naturally I am afraid of things going wrong and overwhelming me and ending up injured, dead or in the psych ward all because I just can't do it on my own without proper support I have tried I either get suicidal or otherwise self destructive and stop caring about my well-being. but then what good am I if I need other peoples support? I'm 23 I should have already developed a bunch of self help skills and the confidence to cope and still make the most out of life. I mean I am a reasonable age for having kids and I can hardly handle myself with my mental state...not that I'd want to be a parent but it still is a little weird reading about people my age with kids and a bunch more responsibilities dealing with mental health issues on top of it all and I feel I have no valid reason to complain when I'm just a loser that still lives at their moms house with no life. In agruments that is one point family members like to bring up....that I don't do much so how can I possibly be so stressed.' and I get sick of then trying to explain my mental issues again only to get 'well maybe you're dwelling on it a little too much.'

Just seems like a never ending cycle of hopelessness
You are not alone. I have only been a member of this site since Monday, and I can tell you that this is a great place for support. Not only have they helped me by not judging what I say, by not saying stupid things, but by just listening, and giving me advice on what they have lived through. Please do not feel like you are alone, because you're not. Come here, vent, read, comment, and make friends. Not everyone will understand, not everyone has the same problem, but everyone will listen, no-one will judge, and everyone will help in the best way they can.

Just my 2 cents worth, but even 5 days coming here and doing this has helped me. I still hurt, I still cry, I still need help and I still have that inner monologue that makes me crazy. But I have a community that cares, a community that understands.

Hope my humble opinion helps.
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Unread 04-12-2013, 06:40 AM   #6
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Default Re: It's too difficult.

Quote:
Originally Posted by George H. View Post
There was a time in my life when a simple walk around the block was a step I had to force myself to take. Looking back it seems like a small step but at the time it took every bit of courage I had. Different than courage really... it felt like a huge risk but a risk I had to take if I ever wanted to get my freedom and confidence back.
So any small step will do. Next time you get one of those ideas try to push yourself to follow through. And to that example I gave about my steps... there were times when I couldn't make it all the way around the block. That would seem like a failure but it wasn't really. It was just a smaller step than I'd hoped for.
If the same thing happens to you, try to look at it that way.
I don't know, it seems like any time I try and 'force myself' it just causes too much stress, not with everything and sometimes I have more energy than other times......but overall I am usually too exausted already to do much pushing.

I feel like if I somehow gained proper support then maybe that would help a little with pushing myself out of my comfort zone then it it goes wrong I still have support and the feeling of something to kind of fall back on. But yeah after repeatedly trying to do so on my own only to have it blow up in my face. I am a little afraid of more of that and then the whole having to try to deal with it alone without causing myself harm which gets harder and harder.

Sometimes I wish I was anti-social or something, then maybe I'd be ok with the amount of solitude I have to deal with and wouldn't give a damn what anyone thought about anything I do or think. But I am not so the loneliness kills me inside and I worry far too much about everyone else and usually forget to consider my own needs...or I somehow end up veiwing them as less important all the time.

But of course not doing a whole lot because the symptoms are overwhelming gets depressing and difficult too...I just don't see any viable solution. I have a therapy appointment at the end of the month but thats not till the end of the month.
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Unread 04-12-2013, 11:14 AM   #7
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Default Re: It's too difficult.

I wish that you and everyone here had a good support system IRL through family and friends. Not everyone does though. I've been lucky and had good support most of the time. My biggest breakthrough came when I temporarily lost that support system. I had to go out and do some things all on my own at a time when I honestly didn't think that I could. This meant taking 2 hour bus rides to strange and unfriendly parts of my city to get to a new treatment facility and 2 hour bus rides home. My two biggest problems were agoraphobia and extreme anxiety anywhere including home. Trying this took me way way out of my comfort zone. It was sink or swim time. Get better or lose it trying. I felt like I was on the edge of losing it every second of those first few bus rides. I think you understand what I mean by that. I don't recall if you have anxiety problems or any agoraphobia issues but if you do then you know that 2 hours on a crowded bus is a nightmare. I felt every second tick by. I didn't feel courageous or motivated. I just didn't have any other options at that point. I was lucky enough to be prescribed meds that actually helped. Nothing dramatic but enough for the next steps. At that point my two best friends kind of made it their priority to slowly get me out socially. At first for only half an hour or so and gradually working up to longer periods of time. And when I had had enough they would immediately get me back home. This is what helped me. Eventually I was able to work again and then work and play music part time and eventually play music full time. I was very lucky to have had great friends along the way but I don't think they could have helped if I hadn't started going way out of my comfort zone on my own. I'm not saying this will work for you but maybe it will help. I hope so. It's very hard for me to talk about my experiences with MI and it's going to be hard to hit that submit reply button. I hope for the best for you.
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