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Unread 03-17-2013, 11:30 PM   #1
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Trig Please, I'm begging, help me.

I don't want to leave my room but I have to go to school.
I feel sick. Every time I have to get up I want to die.
My mind races too much to do homework. I'm REALLY behind in school. If I don't catch up this week I will be dismissed.
My mother yells at me so much. She doesn't know how it kills me. After one day of her yelling at me I feel suicidal.
My father couldn't care less about me. When he does talk to me it's to tell me I'm doing something wrong. It on the bright side he hasn't hit me in a while.
My sister is far away in college and I can't go to her for support.
I'm not aloud to contact any of my old friends and my new friends aren't as close. I can't trust them.
I'm all alone in my world. I never can do anything right.
Food=self hatred. So I try not to eat.
I haven't cut in a while but that just makes me feel worse. I want to cut but if my family sees my hell will get worse.
I've tried to take sleeping pills so I could maybe sleep. And without nightmares. No luck there.
I want and need help but I can't ask for it because my hell will get worse.
I am too depressed to do anything and I'm tired of suffering.
I'm super moody and I blow up at people. I can't help it.
I hate my life and everyone around me. I'm just so negative.
Smiles feel so out of place in my life.
I can't sit still or focus. I'm so fidgety and my mind is everywhere.
I'm an ugly mess.

I can't shake these feelings. It's been going on for about a week. But the last three days heave been worse than the others.

Is anyone able to help me? Or give advice?
I'm just so sick of suffering.

Last edited by GirlOfManyFaces; 03-18-2013 at 12:05 AM.
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Unread 03-17-2013, 11:58 PM   #2
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

I read your post. If you made it through the airport and the plane, you can make it through this. Sometimes what you are feeling disappears the next day. I don't know how you do it without the sleep. Not much advice, I know, but your situation is time sensitive. There is no quick solution from me.
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Unread 03-17-2013, 11:58 PM   #3
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

I wish one of us could say something wise and insightful that would really help. In the greater scheme of things you really aren't alone
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:07 AM   #4
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by optimize990h View Post
I read your post. If you made it through the airport and the plane, you can make it through this. Sometimes what you are feeling disappears the next day. I don't know how you do it without the sleep. Not much advice, I know, but your situation is time sensitive. There is no quick solution from me.
I might have physically made it out of the airport. But my mind and what little sanity I had left was broken.

I sleep. But with nightmares and when I wake up I don't even remember sleeping because I thought I was awake in the nightmare. So sleep is pointless. I feel worse after sleeping.
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:09 AM   #5
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

school counsellor? principal? a teacher? I understand that you feel it will get worse if you tell someone but you really need to start talking to someone who can help you physically to get to a better place. It won't be easy, but it doesn't need to be the way it is now. you'll need to make the first step to ask for help around you from people who know how to do that. after that you'll have people to go to in person. of course people here too to talk with. Make a small decision, decide to ask for help at school. It might help you rest easier. practice breathing deep so you can relax a bit. Meisjes.
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:27 AM   #6
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

Yes... School counselor or teacher you are close to? Please talk to someone. I understand the overwhelm, being behind in school. I had a verbally abusive step-dad who belittled me a every opportunity. The anxiety and racing brain have been my partners for most of my life. I internalized most of it for many years until I finally cracked, I got my ADD diagnosis at age 43.

I wish I had something brilliant to say to you. I have a 15 year old daughter that went through a real rough year when she was 14, There is so much pressure on you kids these days. I really hope you get to feeling better soon.

-YYZ
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:36 AM   #7
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I agree about talking to a school counselor please reach out for real life help, I hate seeing anyone suffer especially young kids, I have a 15 yr old daughter and I would hate to see her suffer like this
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:44 AM   #8
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by YYZadd View Post
Yes... School counselor or teacher you are close to? Please talk to someone. I understand the overwhelm, being behind in school. I had a verbally abusive step-dad who belittled me a every opportunity. The anxiety and racing brain have been my partners for most of my life. I internalized most of it for many years until I finally cracked, I got my ADD diagnosis at age 43.

I wish I had something brilliant to say to you. I have a 15 year old daughter that went through a real rough year when she was 14, There is so much pressure on you kids these days. I really hope you get to feeling better soon.

-YYZ

Unfortunately when I say I'm alone, I'm serious. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm not close to anyone. I don't even have friends really. I go to a nontraditional school so there are no counselors. And it's a self taught curriculum so no teachers really.

Thank you for replying. It literally means the world to me. I hate being alone.
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Unread 03-18-2013, 12:58 AM   #9
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

You are totally welcome
Just remember we are here for you to offer support. I hope we can ease the loneliness at least a little. There could also be community counselors you could reach out to. Can you call your doctor? He could refer you to someone.

You have found us at PC, so you are not alone
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Unread 03-18-2013, 09:01 AM   #10
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Default Re: Please, I'm begging, help me.

I'm glad you're able to get online and get some support this way. The Internet has saved my sanity plenty of times. I spent a number of years more or less housebound due to illness, and even with a husband and a housemate/caregiver, the loneliness and isolation were only bearable thanks to my computer.

That being said, I am deeply concerned for your safety right now. Do I understand correctly that you are not currently in treatment? If that is the case, you really, really need to get into some kind of treatment and SOON. Have you been in an inpatient setting before? Or an intensive outpatient setting?

With your nontraditional school/self taught curriculum setup, some of the safety nets that surround minors are taken away. But other safety nets do still exist. If you would like to call in some of them, I'm sure there are people here who can help you find resources. I live in New Jersey and am familiar with how things are done in this state, but I know they vary somewhat from one state to another. Here in NJ the two fastest ways to get connected to those safety nets would be to call either law enforcement (they would route your call to the appropriate people) or Youth and Family Services. You would identify yourself as a minor and that you are feeling suicidal/unsafe. In NJ everyone, even Joe Blow on the street, is legally obligated to respond to those things. (Most Joe Blows don't know that and wouldn't follow through, but the law is in place.)

I have no idea what quality of help you would get where you live by doing that, of course. Perhaps there are other folks here who would have more/better insight.

Please, I beg you. If you can't keep yourself safe, call 911 and get help.
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