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Unread 03-09-2013, 11:32 AM   #1
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Confused I can be my worst enemy at times

I am my worst enemy, I hold myself to high expectations and I do not accept failure very well. I do not let people into how I "really feel". I go to counseling but I feel that my counselor gets frustrated with me. I don't see myself as others see me. I have no idea what to do next with my life, I graduate with my second bachelors degree in May but have no confidence in myself to excel as a professional. I have to do field placement in the fall, it scares me to the core. I was a youth pastor for six years, I was really good at it but I allowed my bosses to step all over me and second guess every aspect of my job. I resigned from my last church in Fall of 2010, I needed a break. Do I want to continue my career as a youth pastor or do I want to pursue a career in social work? Both I am more than skilled to do, it is just the matter of having the confidence in myself to do it. Do I want to continue on to get my Master's Degree? Part of me wants to do it just to prove to everyone that I can achieve my Master's Degree, my current professors have told me that I should go to Grad school but can I do it, am I smart enough to accomplish such a huge goal? I am on the brink of having many doors open for me, I just don't want to crash and burn. I need my GPA to be just a little bit higher and I will be eligible for scholarships and the honorary fraternity. This is all within my grasp and totally obtainable but I feel like I am going to do something to screw it up and be a failure. We are in the process of adopting 2 of our 3 foster children which is exciting and scary in the same thought, one is 10 and the other 16. Can I be a good mother to them? I apologize for my rambling....
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Unread 03-09-2013, 12:06 PM   #2
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Default Re: I can be my worst enemy at times

It sounds like you are doubting different aspects of your life - career, education, children - so it's not just one thing that you aren't sure you can do, it's feeling unsure of yourself. I think the question is not whether you are capable of doing these things, but do you want to do them? Are they things that you want in your life? Because if they are truly things you desire then you should pursue them because they will make you happy. Then you just have to trust yourself. I mean, if it's a logical thing like will I have the time to manage three foster children and the career I want and the schooling I want, then that is just a logical time constraint. You have to be able to manage the time in your day. But it sounds like all that is holding you back is the fear. So ask yourself, are there reasons you are apprehensive - not enough time, or money for school, or for another foster child, etc.? If there are concrete reasons think them over. If you are simply doubting yourself, that's another story.
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Unread 03-09-2013, 02:38 PM   #3
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The fact that you hold two degrees should tell you that you are intelligent enough to do the things you want to. As far as graduate school, I doubt your professors would urge you to go for that if they had doubts about your ability to attain your goal. When it comes to deciding what to do about it, ask yourself, am I wanting a master's degree to prove something, or because its something that I am intersested in and it might give me more skills to work with? Usually the answer is in the question.

Can you be a good mother? If you can love a child, you can be a good mother. Many parents are unsure or wonder if they are making mistakes with the way they are bringing up a child. You can only do what you think is right, and yes, you will make some mistakes. As long as you have the child's needs in mind, both physical and emotional, and love the child, you will be a fine mother. It is a big step and worrying some about how you will do is normal.

If you were to see someone else who had achieved two degrees, was thinking of graduate school, and was going to adopt the children, would you think they weren't good enough? Give yourself the same courtesy you would give someone else in your position. My guess is you would think the person was intelligent and compassionate.

Congratulations on your pending adoptions!

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Unread 03-09-2013, 06:53 PM   #4
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Default Re: I can be my worst enemy at times

Hi SueBee ~ My goodness, with all you have accomplished, and you are DOUBTING YOURSELF??? Why? What little gremlin in your head is telling you LIES?? Who/what is telling you that you can't do it? OF COURSE YOU CAN!!! Look what you've done already!

You've gotten 2 (I said TWO) Bachelors Degrees in things that you excel in. You are on the brink of being able to get your Masters -- of COURSE you can do that! There is NOTHING standing in your way -- except YOU. And why would you want to shoot yourself in the foot? You say you don't want to do anything to screw it up. You've NEVER done anything like that before!! WHY would you do it now?

Dearheart -- you can do ANYTHING you truly want to. Do you WANT to? Or do you want to be a stay at home mom? That is a TRULY MAGNIFICENT JOB too, although horribly underpaid. The benefits are wonderful -- the love you receive in return is something no one can "pay" you for. And it's a lifetime benefit. So don't forget that in figuring out what you want to do. Personally -- If I could afford it, I'd do the latter.

Whatever you choose to do, I have all the faith in the world that you will EXCEL in anything you do. You've already proven that you CAN. So take care and PLEASE let us know what you decide, will you? I would REALLY appreciate it if you'd let me know, at least. I do care. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee
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