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Unread 11-02-2011, 06:13 PM   #1
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Default Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

Every year since I can remember I become extremely depressed around my birthday. I cry easily and feel very lonely. I don't want anyone to do anything for my birthday but at the same time when it comes I feel worse when no one acknowledges it. One year my husband got us a night at a resort and I was irritable and cried the whole time. I cannot pin point why but I hate how I feel. My birthday is this weekend and I'm starting to have those feelings again. I asked my husband if we were doing anything and he said "no". It made me sad but really thats what I want to do anyway. I feel so lonely and depressed. Any one else experience this? Any insight is welcome
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Unread 11-02-2011, 07:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

I hate my birthday, but like to celebrate other peoples. I guess I don't feel comfortable being the centre of attention. It's like there's a pressure to be the 'best' version of myself, because everyone is watching. I get embarrassed. I also don't like that people feel they have to spend time/money on me 'just because' it's my birthday - not because they can or want to. My parents have never had much money, so I feel all the more guilty for them having to get me something. Since my parents split up I've not felt right attending a party or gathering with only one of them, leaving the other out -- more guilt. For this reason I didn't even attend my graduation, and if I ever marry I will elope. My 18th and 21st birthdays only caused arguments and awkwardness. I expressed the wish to have a meal/gathering with all my family - the people who meant the most to me - but was told I shouldn't want that anyway: "you should want to spend your birthday with your friends" -- I didn't really have any friends. I thought it was a cruel way of pointing it out.

I too usually feel lonely and depressed on my birthday. I'm always aware of how few people there are in my life, and that those people who are in my life typically display how little they seem to know or understand me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not materialistic, and I don't crave expensive gifts. I always accept gifts gratefully and with a smile (this isn't a Madonna/hydrangeas situation!) but inside sometimes I feel hurt by how impersonal the gifts are -- especially from my mother of all people. I treasure the few things she has bought me over the years that have somehow hit the mark, and I try to convince myself it isn't by chance that she does, even if infrequently, get it right.

I didn't think too much of turning 22, 23, or 24, but turning 25 sent me into a total meltdown. Suddenly there was a whole load more pressure - about who I should be and what I should do and what I shoud have done already. I think they call this the 'quarterlife crisis'...

Turning 26 was even worse - especially as I'd had a mental breakdown, walked out on my job, and lost my apartment. I was totally on the edge. On top of that, one friend organised a night out for us and tried her best to lift my spirits and make it nice for me, but my other 'friend' refused to come - and made several excuses as to why she couldn't, which I later found out to be lies, and several things got back to me about what she'd said. I asked her about it and she blew up at me in a way that made me realise that she'd been looking for an excuse to say the things she said. She didn't want to come out for my birthday because she didn't want to be in my life anymore. Apparently since I'd got depressed I was just 'no fun'. I felt so let down, because I had thought we were very close. Until that night I had considered her my best friend. We haven't spoken since, and I'm still sore about it.

I fear turning 27 will feel even worse, and I'm dreading it. I'm just not where I thought I would be at this age! I'm already feeling VERY concerned about hitting 30. Birthdays just aren't funny for me anymore.

Sorry, I rambled on far more than I intended! I just wanted to say 'I hear you!'

For what it's worth I do hope you have a happy birthday, whatever you end up doing. Maybe you can enjoy it this year - you never know!
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Unread 11-03-2011, 04:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

Quote:
Originally Posted by just_some_girl View Post

I too usually feel lonely and depressed on my birthday. I'm always aware of how few people there are in my life, and that those people who are in my life typically display how little they seem to know or understand me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not materialistic, and I don't crave expensive gifts. I always accept gifts gratefully and with a smile (this isn't a Madonna/hydrangeas situation!) but inside sometimes I feel hurt by how impersonal the gifts are -- especially from my mother of all people. I treasure the few things she has bought me over the years that have somehow hit the mark, and I try to convince myself it isn't by chance that she does, even if infrequently, get it right.

THANK YOU!!!!! You have hit the nail on the head! I have never understood why but this is it exactly. I don't have many friends and those that say happy birthday are only saying it because they feel they have to. I would appreciate one truely genuine person to actually want to make me feel good but unfortunately I don't have anyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm turning 28 and I feel your pain about 30....
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Unread 11-03-2011, 09:57 AM   #4
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

I've never really thought bout it before but ya I guess I do get down around my birthday every year. This year for example I'm extra down with my girlfriend leaving me
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Unread 11-04-2011, 12:57 AM   #5
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

Yeah.. I feel like if people acknowledge my birthday it feels so fake and shallow b/c they're not even my friends, but then if they don't acknowledge it, I feel like I'm not even important enough to even fake a 'happy birthday'. silly I know but ..
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Unread 11-04-2011, 01:26 AM   #6
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

I hate my birthday because my son never acknowledges it and that makes me feel bad. I don't want a gift but he doesn't even tell me happy birthday and I always feel unimportant.
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Unread 11-06-2011, 12:33 AM   #7
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

I'm turning 31 this year - in fact in a few weeks, and i am not looking forward to it, either - my boyfriend who i thought was going to be THE ONE broke up with me, and i'm not where i feel i should be in my life. There's a lot of pressure to have achieved certain things by a certain age, and it definitely is disappointing to see that you have not achieved those milestones, like many of your peers have (marriage, good career, etc).
All i can do is tell myself i'm going through a rough spot in my life, but i'll bounce back and i will feel better, day by day. I won't be depressed for much longer.


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I've never really thought bout it before but ya I guess I do get down around my birthday every year. This year for example I'm extra down with my girlfriend leaving me
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Unread 11-06-2011, 02:38 PM   #8
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

just letting you know I feel that way too, mixed feelings around my birthday
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Unread 11-06-2011, 03:51 PM   #9
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

Yep I can relate too, I think about my brother every year when it is my birthday as he died just 2 hours after it, My birthday has never been the same since.
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Unread 11-06-2011, 10:41 PM   #10
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Default Re: Anyone get depressed around your birthday??

I'm sorry that your birthday brings you down. I have often felt the same way about my birthday. In some ways, it depresses me because it signifies another year passing and how I'm not happy with certain circumstances in my life, but feel they are beyond my control. However, part of me does look forward to it a little bit because my husband and my parents usually try to celebrate my birthday in some way, for which I appreciate their effort.

Since you're aware that your birthday makes you feel down, why not do something special, just for you? It can be with other people, or it could just be you. Maybe you could buy yourself a present - something that you want, but wouldn't ordinarily get for yourself, or if you like getting your hair/nails done, maybe you can get that done.

Hope this helps. Happy early birthday, and I hope your day turns out better than you're expecting
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