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Unread 10-12-2010, 03:57 PM   #1
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Default anger vs. frustration

What is the difference between anger and frustration? Is it a matter of degree, or is there actually a qualitative difference. If so, what is it?
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Unread 10-13-2010, 04:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

when I'm frustrated its normally about something I can or cannot do but when I'm angry its about someone else and what I think or feel they are doing or not doing.
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Unread 10-13-2010, 07:31 AM   #3
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

anger-a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance
frustration-the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals

so i feel anger is the result of being frustrated too long!
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Unread 10-13-2010, 08:26 AM   #4
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

For me, I feel both emotions at self AND others.Strangely mostly me...I am so critical toward the self....but a work in progress.....LOL
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Unread 10-13-2010, 10:05 AM   #5
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

Anger is about feeling one has been hurt/violated whereas frustration is about feeling one is personally not able to do or get something. Frustration, for me, is more immediate, is internal only; a two year old is frustrated when s/he can't make something work, can't get the third block to balance on the first two and gets angry and throws the block. S/he throws the block because s/he is hurt/violated that the blocks won't cooperate and do as s/he wishes; s/he wants something and it has been denied but the initial realization that all is not well and building understanding s/he may be denied is the frustration. The response to the frustration, was anger; hopefully one learns as one grows older to respond to one's anger caused by frustration by asking for help (or deciding to take a block-stacking course), rather than by throwing the block which doesn't solve the problem causing the frustration.

Only the person feeling frustrated knows they are frustrated and frustration doesn't have to result in anger. I can be disappointed, rather than angry; anger is an emotion to help us realize and resolve a problem, is a pathway to get it out. If I'm disappointed that I can't get the card house beyond the first level (check my avatar :-) I might just frown and get up and walk away. That doesn't solve my problem, I will have chosen to just "give up". An observer probably doesn't know I was frustrated and might not imagine I was disappointed; they could think I just got tired of playing with cards, that I was bored, perhaps. But if I take my hand and slap what I've built, make it fall down, they might realize that I was frustrated at not being able to build it higher and am angry now, but they also might think I am having fun; that I built the card house for the purpose of destroying it and the unholy "joy" that can come from wrecking something sometimes. That's why it's important to know ourselves and communicate things clearly to others around us. If I smash the card house and declare, "I'm angry that I can't build it higher" the anger's clear but not necessarily the frustration. I may be a practiced card house builder and know that I can only build to three levels so don't get frustrated when level four collapses, I just get bored with trying and maybe rail at the laws of physics or my inabilities that make me feel certain that I can only build three levels.

You, hearing about my anger, are now in a position to help me, literally or by making me feel better or helping me understand further about myself and the limits I may have placed on myself unwittingly (by only considering myself). You could say; "Hey, I can build to four levels, would you like me to show you how?" or "Gee, that's too bad, I think you do well getting to three levels, I can only do two" or, "You're angry at yourself? That's not very helpful, why don't you join the card house builder's club?' or "Does that frustrate you that you don't feel you can build higher? Do you feel like you should be able to? How come?"
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Last edited by Perna; 10-13-2010 at 10:36 AM.
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Unread 10-13-2010, 11:53 AM   #6
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

I adore you Perna and all your wisdom nuggets.((((Safe huggiesh...or a comfortin' nod hun)))))~W
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Unread 10-14-2010, 10:12 PM   #7
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

I feel like they are not that different. To me, they all stem from fear. Frustration coming from not being able to solve a problem....fear of being incapable of solving something. Anger, no matter what it is towards, comes from fear. If you get angry at a person for treating you badly, really you are probably scared that they don't like you or care about you or are afraid of losing them.
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Unread 10-15-2010, 01:47 AM   #8
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

I feel that anger is a result of frustration as perna has mentioned

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Unread 10-15-2010, 04:57 AM   #9
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

Oooh, good question!

For me, frustration and anger are often linked, because I don't tolerate the feeling of frustration well. I like to feel in control, and frustration comes when something doesn't happen the way I want it to.

If the frustration comes with fear ("the world will explode if this isn't done the way I want"), hopelessness ("nothing ever goes right"), powerlessness ("this is defeating me; I can't do it), or grief/deprivation/loss ("I really wanted this and I can't have it"), then anger tends to flare up to hide those vulnerable feelings.

I had never thought about how frustration is linked to fear, salukigirl. That is so interesting!
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Unread 10-17-2010, 10:13 PM   #10
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Default Re: anger vs. frustration

I was wondering like googley and I found perna answer enough good for me too. Still sometimes anger could be constructive; if I would be only frustrated by myself or what I can't... I would not be here anymore. Salukigirl, maybe sometimes anger could come from fear but not directly. I avoid for months to talk because I was too angry (fear to unwillingly harm someone with my tone or talking increasing the danger...) I was blocked also to talk .. and maybe for better. I am still angry of fear for others to not have to encounter the same that happened to me. But I am angry because something unfair happened to me and there there is no fear but huge DISGUST!

"If you get angry at a person for treating you badly, really you are probably scared that they don't like you or care about you or are afraid of losing them"
Think of a mother whose cub is in danger because some people's fault; do you think she would be scared -other for cub - or care if the other likes or not. She does not fear losing, not even the cub because she can't think about that!

But too much frustration goes to anger...
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