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Unread 10-23-2013, 02:35 PM   #1
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Trig So much hatred and anger

I feel such intense hatred and anger right now. The hatred is hatred for myself aswell as the rest of the world and everybody in it. I feel so ANGRY and again it has been directed at my husband. I can't take it anymore I really can't. I keep reading him as hostile and he assures me it's in my head but damn it I don't think it is in my head. I just went off at him guns blazing for making me tip toe around him today and he said it's all in my imagination. I can't trust myself, how the hell am I supposed to trust myself when everyone looks so hostile to me right now. I can't put my hatred and anger into words right now but it's hurting me so badly. I am thinking I would be better off dead. I have no plans but it's the way I feel. There is too much pain and negativity to be had in this life. I can't do it anymore.
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Unread 10-23-2013, 02:43 PM   #2
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

(((((((allme)))))))

I can so relate especially the self hate, You won't be better off dead this is the BPD talking, Are you an apologetic person? Maybe tell hubby that you're sorry it always works for me
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Unread 10-23-2013, 02:45 PM   #3
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

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Originally Posted by allme View Post
I feel such intense hatred and anger right now. The hatred is hatred for myself as well as the rest of the world and everybody in it. I feel so ANGRY and again it has been directed at my husband. I can't take it anymore I really can't. I keep reading him as hostile and he assures me it's in my head but damn it I don't think it is in my head. I just went off at him guns blazing for making me tip toe around him today and he said it's all in my imagination. I can't trust myself, how the hell am I supposed to trust myself when everyone looks so hostile to me right now. I can't put my hatred and anger into words right now but it's hurting me so badly. I am thinking I would be better off dead. I have no plans but it's the way I feel. There is too much pain and negativity to be had in this life. I can't do it anymore.
I can relate all too well.

I am in a big phase of self hatred. I am slowly coming out of it, I think with the help of my meds. I can't trust myself either. When I am home I am afraid that I will OD again. I am not suicidal but the fear is still there. Anger is very hard to verbalize, or at least for me. I took a course called "Women and Anger" and learned that anger is a valid emotion but it is what we do with that anger is the issue. There is a lot of pain in this life, I have to believe that there is a better life after if I can endure this life.

I have often read the quote about God not giving u more then we can handle. I have a hard time with that, I am so beyond what I can handle. I try to think that I am going through this to help me, help my husband, friends... but it is h.e.l.l. right now.
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Unread 10-23-2013, 02:58 PM   #4
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

Thanks guys. Seriously feeling intense right now and being here is starting to trigger me....reasons I can't go in to. But I need this place I feel like I need a good cry but I can't let it out
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Unread 10-23-2013, 03:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

You do not need to give reasons or even say what your triggers are. I just hope you know that there are people who understand and care.
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Unread 10-24-2013, 08:23 AM   #6
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

Quote:
Originally Posted by allme View Post
I feel such intense hatred and anger right now. The hatred is hatred for myself aswell as the rest of the world and everybody in it. I feel so ANGRY and again it has been directed at my husband. I can't take it anymore I really can't. I keep reading him as hostile and he assures me it's in my head but damn it I don't think it is in my head. I just went off at him guns blazing for making me tip toe around him today and he said it's all in my imagination. I can't trust myself, how the hell am I supposed to trust myself when everyone looks so hostile to me right now. I can't put my hatred and anger into words right now but it's hurting me so badly. I am thinking I would be better off dead. I have no plans but it's the way I feel. There is too much pain and negativity to be had in this life. I can't do it anymore.
I know what you mean. 100% relate to all this, you are probably a very sensitive person to. I also am "reassured" that its all in my head, and people are not putting off "negative energy" its all my distorted perception of reality. I am skeptical, I think they don't realize their own negative energy because they are not self aware of their own demons. I can sense people's negativity, I can see people's demons in their face, sense their energy in their body language and the vibes they put off. To me its plain as day, to them they are unaware when they are raising their voice, with tense body posturing and sporting an angry dip in their brows. I feel you 100% on feeling like this, so sad, even when I'm not actively suicidal, I don't object to my own death. Hope you feel better soon!
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Unread 10-24-2013, 08:32 AM   #7
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

I completely understand how you feel. The anger, the lashing out, the rage and hatred.

This always helps me: You've removed yourself from the situation. Put a room or two between you and your hubby. You've recognized your emotions, now let your mind race for a minute and put out there all the reasons why you're so angry. Allow yourself to feel angry. Validate the feelings. These are real feelings that you have every right to feel, but maybe you felt them much deeper than you wanted to. Talk yourself through this and remember to allow the feelings to pass and don't force yourself to calm down if you can't. Just let them pass. When you feel like your reaching your base emotions, apologize to your husband for lashing out, but tell him, "To me, it seemed that you were..." and "I felt that you were..."

Talking through why I felt so angry with my husband always helps us reach a new level of understanding. Even if it's just so that he knows that next time this happens, to just let me be for awhile, and I'll come to him when I feel it's over.

I hope you are feeling better and remember that being dead is too permanent of a solution for a feeling that will undoubtedly pass.
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Unread 10-24-2013, 08:34 AM   #8
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Default Re: So much hatred and anger

(((((((( allme )))))))))

I agree with Liverbird..
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