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Unread 03-15-2014, 12:44 PM   #1
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Default Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

I'm new here and hoping that being able to vent on this site will help me find some relief. I would love to hear stories from you about being impulsive with words. I have severe anxiety. I often have panic attacks. I am also an alcoholic/addict and definitely suffer from that "irritable, restless, and discontented" state. Does the anxiety and panic attacks go along with your experience with bipolar disease? I also have had severe depression for soooo long. I am really feeling hopeless at this point. I have been in therapy with the same therapist for 3 1/2 years. In the beginning it was a very good relationship. I felt he understood completely how I felt and was very supportive in listening and offering feedback. I was even able to text or "journal" him with things going on with me and often get feedback that would help me deal with things at the time. Well unfortunately I have worn out that resource. I guess I became so dependent on him that I "journaled" way too much and then when he didn't respond I would get my feelings hurt. I then began expressing my frustration when he wouldn't respond. He told me I could 'journal' but not to expect him to respond to every text. In my mind, I know that he was not able to commit that much time to my unending pleas for help. But when he didn't I became more and more resentful over time.
We are now on rocky waters and I am miserable. The only outlet I felt I had has disappeared and I may have ruined the relationship forever. I need him as a therapist but can't help feel resentful that he will no longer answer my texts. And unfortunately I keep opening my mouth and trying to 'journal' to him in hopes that it will give me relief like it used to. But all I am doing is pushing him away farther and in the end I fear I will lose the relationship forever. Do any of you have trouble keeping your mouth shut even when you know if will do more harm in the end. Have any of you pushed your therapist to their breaking point. I don't have much support outside of my therapist so I keep going back to him hoping things will get better. But I know if i can't stop texting him and being so needy I'm going to lose one of the biggest supports I have. I would love to hear if anyone has had that kind of trouble with their therapist and/or has that kind of trouble keeping your mouth shut. Thanks.
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Unread 03-15-2014, 02:00 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

I shoot my big mouth off a lot. I have a major problem with impulse control. Supposedly, it's a frontal lobe thing.

My yap has cost me every friend I ever had. That combined with my screwed up way of thinking. I'm alone because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself.

for you.
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Unread 03-15-2014, 04:02 PM   #3
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Hikeandbike

Have you ever tried any group meetings? It is impossible for one person to fill the void we have in ourselves. I have ruined or walked away embarassed from many relationships because I need too much, and just emote all over them too often. It's a lonely thing, but like minded people are much more understanding. I would encourage you to find if there are any NAMI meetings or if the local mental health facilities organize such groups.
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Unread 03-16-2014, 10:47 AM   #4
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Oh boy do I know about shooting my mouth off. I joke that I have no filter but really, my filter is very thin and sometimes gets me in trouble. I often isolate myself from my husband because I can't hold back what I'm thinking when I'm angry. I'm hurtful and very cruel. It happens with my children too sometimes and I'm afraid I will damage them somehow. I get it.
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Unread 03-16-2014, 11:22 AM   #5
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Yes. I haven't been in therapy in years, but I do shoot my mouth of a lot especially when I'm manic. I've found it easier to only surround myself with people who understand my condition as they are more able to cope with the moodswings & not take it too personally when I'm out of control. The good thing about PC is there are so many of us that you won't have to worry about overwhelming any one person. Hope you find what you need here!
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Unread 03-16-2014, 11:39 AM   #6
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Hikeandbike, I just got banned from another site because I couldn't keep my opinions to myself. I know how you feel
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Unread 03-16-2014, 12:16 PM   #7
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

You are in a hard place. I'm sorry yr struggling right now. The thing with yr therapist is he never should have said it's ok to text him. Cause now he's cut you off. I wouldn't let that ruin the relationship you guys do have. It's hard for one person to be yr guide and I know my therapist would have never agreed to communicate like you two have. Try and move past it if you can. Know inn yr heart that he tried to be there fir you but he realized it wasn't healthy to do that in the first place. I hope I'm helping here. I'm just trying to let you know that if he has been a big support to you then I would absolutely continue to see him. But if yr not able to move past this then maybe it's time fir a change? Ive never heard of a therapist who texts like that with their client and if that is what you are seeking you might get disappointed. The answers will come to you.just be easy on yr self ok? Let us know how things go.

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Unread 03-16-2014, 01:17 PM   #8
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemiss44 View Post
You are in a hard place. I'm sorry yr struggling right now. The thing with yr therapist is he never should have said it's ok to text him. Cause now he's cut you off. I wouldn't let that ruin the relationship you guys do have. It's hard for one person to be yr guide and I know my therapist would have never agreed to communicate like you two have. Try and move past it if you can. Know inn yr heart that he tried to be there fir you but he realized it wasn't healthy to do that in the first place. I hope I'm helping here. I'm just trying to let you know that if he has been a big support to you then I would absolutely continue to see him. But if yr not able to move past this then maybe it's time fir a change? Ive never heard of a therapist who texts like that with their client and if that is what you are seeking you might get disappointed. The answers will come to you.just be easy on yr self ok? Let us know how things go.

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Like I mentioned in my thread, I have the same problem except with emails and I haven't given into bombarding my therapist with them YET like I DESPERATELY want to do. I also have her phone number because she is number one on my safety list. That is just for emergencies though so hopefully I can always respect that.
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Unread 03-16-2014, 07:30 PM   #9
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Thanks. He is not he only therapist I've had that would text or email. I know some do. But I abused it and now I've lost it. I just have to learn to control my impulses. This all sucks. I'm so sick of screwing things up in my life.
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Unread 03-16-2014, 07:34 PM   #10
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Default Re: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cashart10 View Post
Like I mentioned in my thread, I have the same problem except with emails and I haven't given into bombarding my therapist with them YET like I DESPERATELY want to do. I also have her phone number because she is number one on my safety list. That is just for emergencies though so hopefully I can always respect that.
I like the idea of writing them out but not sending them I manage to do that sometimes but it certainly doesn't always work. I don't understand the obsession. It's an intense need to know that someone understands my pain. It's a shout out for help. I have to find another outlet for sure. This site should be very helpful.
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