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Unread 03-28-2012, 02:32 PM   #1
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Frown I swear I think my husband and kids hate me

That's especially true for my seven year old. She constantly gets in trouble for yelling and screaming at, saying they never do anything fun, I'm no fun, I don't care about them, she hates me, etc. Now my four year old is joining the club. My husband acts like I'm a petulant child and doesn't want to show affection. I always end up taking and accepting the blame for everything around here, even if I know he's at fault, because he never accepts that he did anything wrong.

I try to be a good mother. I hug my kids every day and tell them I love them. I go out of my way to do things for them and my husband. I tell my husband every day I appreciate him and love him. I do whatever he wants in the bedroom but it's like it pains him to show me affection.

I have no idea why I'm being treated this way. DH says it's stress over his job and the kids are sensing it. I'm honestly starting to think they want me out of the house. I seriously am thinking they don't want me here. My oldest yelled and screamed at me the entire way home and the youngest decided to join in. I"ll openly admit I lost my temper and I spanked the oldest and both got screamed at by me. I know that was wrong but after two months of that BS I had reached the end of my rope.

DH says my bipolar has nothing to do with it and I agree. I take my meds every day. I take Ativan when I need it--when I'm stressed, really upset, can't sleep, etc. I keep my appointments with my psych. When I cycle I keep to myself so nobody has to deal with it. Yet I feel like a total burden and totally unwelcome in my own home.

I'm at the point of throwing in the towel and giving them what they seem to want, which is me leaving. I know I won't because I love my kids and my seven month old is extremely attached to me. Granted, he'll probably hate me too by the time he's three. I just feel like I've everybody's human punching bag and I'm sick of it.

Okay. I'm done whining now.
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Unread 03-28-2012, 02:52 PM   #2
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Default Re: I swear I think my husband and kids hate me

What does DH do or say to the children when they are treating their mother this way? I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this. I really don't want to over step here, but kinda sounds like DH isn't really helping much. What is his reasons for not showing you affection? You say he says is isn't the Bipolar. Because he's stressed at work? I don't get it. From what you say here it doesn't sound like he's making an attempt to change this.

I guess what would you like to see happen? I wouldn't fair well in that situation either. Hugs to you ((((tnlibrarian))))
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Unread 03-28-2012, 03:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: I swear I think my husband and kids hate me

Okay, first of all, no one hates you.. Most likely it is a lack of boundaries on the kids' part. No child, regardless of their parent's health, should be allowed to scream at an adult. Have you firmly told them that yelling at you is unacceptable, will no longer be tolerated, and then punished them? Try not to yell at them when you are saying this. You can sit them down during a quiet moment and tell them, then tell tell them the consequences. Expect them to have a fit. You may have to administer your first punishment right then.

The punishment has to be severe enough to make them think twice about what they have done, and MUST be consistent, immediate, and agreed upon by both parents. If you don't like to spank, a time out will work, or a removal of TV, or other coveted activity, toy, or snack. Time out is best, But if you are out of the house, a quick spanking will work,too. Keep your temper under control, tho.

In time out, you choose a location, a step, chair, bench or other boring spot is best. Sit them there. Firmly make sure they remain. Take an ativan, the first time will be the worst. They won't believe you are serious, and you may have to hold them in the chair. Give them 1 minute per age year of time out. Do not talk to them, just keep replacing them on the step or holding them in the chair. The time starts when they sit continuously.

After they have served their time, get down to their eye level, tell them what they did was wrong, and why. Then give them a hug, tell them you love them, and let them go.

I have seen this work wonders, and hope it does for you, too. Hugs!
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Unread 03-28-2012, 03:50 PM   #4
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Default Re: I swear I think my husband and kids hate me

This is exactly the method I used with my children. I used the timer on the microwave, so they could see the time remaining. Also if they did not cooperate. They could see me reset the timer. My youngest is much more strong willed and stubborn, for him I would place the chair in the middle of the kitchen, where he could not play around. Sometimes it would take many repeats of putting him back in the chair. He eventually "got" it that I meant business, and he was not in charge of time outs.

I don't think your kids hate you either, sounds like they are pushing the boundaries like Buggs said. Kids try this, but it's important to let then know where the boundries are and what will happen when they cross them. Consistency is number one. Hard too when you are not feeling well, and kids seem to pick up on that too.

If your DH isn't helping to much in this area, maybe a talk is in order, hopefully you can both be on the same page if you are not already. It really helps if the parents can each back each other up when it comes to discipline. I'm a single mom, so I don't have much experience with that. However I do know it sucks to always have to be the bad guy.

Last edited by Anonymous32507; 03-28-2012 at 04:02 PM.
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