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Unread 11-08-2011, 08:52 PM   #1
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Confused BPD and ruined relationships

I'm 20, recently diagnosed with BP-II. In every relationship I've been in, I get really paranoid. I always worry that he's cheating, lying, going to leave me, etc. I do it so much, that I always ruin relationships by irrationally accusing them of these things w/o any proof other than my "gut feeling." Then I regret it a day or two later and wind up calling/texting them apologizing profusely. Then when they ignore me, I start saying mean things again. Then cry and apologize. Then say mean things. Then apologize, etc... Leaving so many texts, phone calls, emails, and voice mails that they usually just wind up blocking me all together. It's pathetic, really.

So I'd like to know, does this seem like something associated with BPD? Or am I just a complete nutcase when it comes to relationships?
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Unread 11-08-2011, 09:17 PM   #2
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

It could be Borderline Personality Disorder, which is characterized by chaotic relationships along with other things, including mood problems. I would talk to my psychiatrist or psychologist about it.
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Unread 11-08-2011, 09:29 PM   #3
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

I used to do this stuff all the time until after I was married and I am bipolar. I was considered a total nut job. Don't know why I sent all the emails, made all the phone calls. Obsessed, stalked-very embarrassing.
You are not alone.
I did meet a man I could trust, and didn't do all that stuff with him-well not as much, and he could handle it.
Now I am happily married, so don't give up.
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Unread 11-09-2011, 12:19 AM   #4
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

Hello eleanor-rigby. I'm also 20 and dealing with bipolar II. If it's any comfort to you, you're doing better than I am- I've never even been in a relationship! Haha. What you're describing could be a symptom of borderline personality disorder (which can look very similar to rapid-cycling bipolar II). People with borderline tend to have an intense fear of being abandoned. It also could simply be a personal quirk. It is not, as far as I am aware, something that is related to bipolar. Regardless of where it comes from, it probably is best addressed in therapy.

Hope that all that helps. By the way, I love your user name. That is probably one of my favorite Beatles songs...because I can really relate to it.
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Unread 11-09-2011, 06:05 AM   #5
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

Please Don't think you are a complete nutcase when it comes to relationships- due to You describe what I do ---- I am 25, I got in my very first relationship at 22 (very scary!), and we have been together for 3 years (yay) I am shocked some days, I still do the "crazy" thinking and all still. I do the same, accuse, apologize, cry both for being mean and being stupid in my head or out loud. Over thing things, hate him at times (sorry babe I do love you so much too). Think about leaving, but know I need him as well..... It is rough, thinking things are illusions at times with the relationship, then some small star comes out and goes BANG- It is not an illusion!

I am lucky I have found someone that understands a little with me, with the dx's and my past... and how it effects the now.... and puts up with me... Now I am not out right a total yelling person- but a quiet one... but yet I can be cruel.

Anneinside and Secretum could be possibly correct with BPD or traits of that. I know there are a few that disagree a little that BP and BPD can be intertwined but IDK- I can see how.

The Pdoc put down I was BP2/PTSD, My T thinks I have BPD traits coupled with the BP2/PTSD (to be honest I would go with T more than the Pdoc cuz he only saw me once and T has seen me multiple times and talks more with me). Blah- I care about the dx's but then I don't care due to I just wish it would go away and I could find peace.....


I thought by 3 years I would stop this chaos in my head with the thinking on our relationship, but sadly it has not.. That is one of a many reasons I started therapy this year. I hope by at least 5 (that was my longest friendship ever) that it will cool down, but IDK some days...

I wish you well, I am not sure what to suggest.......

One thing that my boyfriend and I do, is that we talk, text each other with things. He always is willing to talk even at work (he may have to call back but none the less he is there to talk)... I think talking and understanding with things are really key to a relationship (especially if there is trust issues from past or just chemical imbalance with the brain).

I can suggest this---- Cuz I remember when I was 20 I was thinking too much getting too upset that I was 20 and had not been a relationship, had not given it up to anyone and so on..... Then when I least expected it- some one showed an interest in me, some one that i was very (still am) interested in to
What i am trying to say in so many words- Is don't rush such an important thing, I do believe when the right time comes, all will find some one.

And if even if people do not find "lovers" in the since of a spouse, I do believe that there are many other ways that love finds us, through friendship too which is awesome!
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Unread 11-09-2011, 06:18 AM   #6
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

You describe my behaviour to a t. I'm bipolar II and bpd... My former T told me it's bpd behaviour... Don't have advice tho, i'm currently in push-away-apology mode...
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Unread 11-09-2011, 09:34 AM   #7
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

This does sound a lot like borderline behavior - I'd suggest getting the "dummies" books for both borderline and bipolar and doing some comparison on symptoms. They have some overlapping symptoms but a lot of the borderline behavior and thinking is pretty distinctive, so see how well you can relate to the examples and stories about people with these different disorders. I found that I could not really relate to borderline (BPD), even though I've had some BPD-like symptoms, but the bipolar (BP) behaviors and symptoms were spot-on, and it was a little freaky because a lot of the bipolar behaviors were things that I've done all my life and didn't realize they were symptomatic.

You might be able to find the books at your local library, but if not, they are super-cheap on Amazon, only about $10-$12 each. Well worth the investment if it helps you get some insight into what's going on in your life.
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Unread 11-09-2011, 09:48 AM   #8
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

You so not alone!!! I have boarderline personality disorder and am 25. I struggle on a daily basis with my relationship...I do all the same things as you describe.
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Unread 11-09-2011, 10:07 AM   #9
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

Anneinside and Secretum: The more Iíve read about borderline, the more I feel like I have it too. As discouraging as it is to pile another disorder onto my list, itís also kind of nice to have a better understanding of why I do the things I do. The first step to recovery is understanding, I suppose. And Secretum, don't feel bad. Iíve only had 2 real relationships. The rest I ruined before we ever got the chance to become serious :P Youíll find love soon enough. Love just loves to surprise you when you least expect it lol
Lad007, beauflow, and trippin 2.0: Thank you so much for letting me know Iím not the only one who acts this way in relationships. Itís wonderful to hear that some of you have managed to find someone whoís stuck with you through it all. Youíve given me hope J And trippin 2.0 Ė I know how much this sucks. But after reading these posts, it seems that you and I still have a really good chance to find love too. And when we do, our relationships will be so strong b/c our partners will be able to work with us and love us throughout our ďtemper-tantrums,Ē as I like to call them lol. Just takes patience, I guess.
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Unread 11-09-2011, 03:10 PM   #10
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Default Re: BPD and ruined relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by AniManiac View Post
This does sound a lot like borderline behavior - I'd suggest getting the "dummies" books for both borderline and bipolar and doing some comparison on symptoms. They have some overlapping symptoms but a lot of the borderline behavior and thinking is pretty distinctive, so see how well you can relate to the examples and stories about people with these different disorders. I found that I could not really relate to borderline (BPD), even though I've had some BPD-like symptoms, but the bipolar (BP) behaviors and symptoms were spot-on,....
Similar here, except in not relating to BPD at all, but that learning about BP was like reading an exact description of my life. It hit so powerfully, it made me cry. In a good way. Finally to know that these long and extreme depressions and "crazy" bouncing off the walls, up-all-night multiple simultaneous projects, grandiose ideas etc were not just "weak character" or "oh, there she goes, off to the races again with one of her "phases"". To finally understand what was going on. (My psych agrees on me not having the least bit of BPD behavior or thinking at all, btw.)

I like the Dummies series books too. Big fan of the library option here too.

Sorry you are having a rough go, eleanor-rigby. I think Anneinside is right in saying it would be a good idea to talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist about it. Thing is, when we know what is going on, that insight can give us understanding of dynamics, so we can do things about it that can really help.
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