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Unread 06-19-2011, 08:02 PM   #1
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Default Bipolar and Infidelity

Hello-

This is my first time here and I am seeking advice. I am not bipolar but my boyfriend is. We have been together one year and one week. His last episode was 4 years ago. During the past month he started to behave differently. To make a long story short, he cheated on me. He told me what happened and we went to the psychiatrist and he is now taking Abilify. Before this episode he had not been on any medication because he was doing well and not having any episodes.

I sat in his session with the psychiatrist and he reviewed my boyfriends entire history with me. His episodes did not seem severe and he explained that my boyfriend is stable when on meds and that he has had other patients cheat while in an episode. This was the first time my boyfriend cheated.

I told my boyfriend I would give him one more chance BUT only if he stays on the medication. He agreed. This all happened 1 week before our one year anniversary. Since his episode and being on the meds he has been back to his old self and really happy again.

My question is, how can I get past his infidelity when I know he was not himself and he had an episode? During our relationship we never had any problems. We were happy and talking about marriage.

He also mentioned his episodes usually occur in the late spring early summer. His mom warned me about signs and they were there but I did not realize it at the time. Could our 1 year anniversary have triggered an episode somehow?

If this is not the best place to post my question please advise me where to go. Thanks
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Unread 06-19-2011, 11:04 PM   #2
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

Quote:
Originally Posted by hope610 View Post
My question is, how can I get past his infidelity when I know he was not himself and he had an episode? During our relationship we never had any problems. We were happy and talking about marriage.
Welcome hope. The reason behind the cheating doesn't take away the hurt. I would suggest couples counseling, so you can both work through this. As far as the meds he will need to stay on them and if he's not willing to you may go through this cycle again and again.

The book in my signature is for family, significant others etc. It's excellent.
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Favorite book on bipolar "Living with Someone who is Living with Bipolar Disorder" by Chelsea Lowe, 2010

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Unread 06-20-2011, 09:48 AM   #3
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

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Welcome hope. The reason behind the cheating doesn't take away the hurt. I would suggest couples counseling, so you can both work through this. As far as the meds he will need to stay on them and if he's not willing to you may go through this cycle again and again.

The book in my signature is for family, significant others etc. It's excellent.
Thanks blueoctober! I will def look into that book. Right now I am writing Cynthia Last's "When Someone You Love is Bipolar. It's a good read but I def want to read more. Thanks for the advice!

My bf is willing to stay on the meds. He said he will do anything it takes for me to stay. We've been crying a lot over this but I am at the point where I believe he wants to get better. Time will only tell and he has to prove himself to me.
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Unread 06-20-2011, 01:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

hope610 your boyfriend is very lucky to have you.;
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Unread 06-20-2011, 01:52 PM   #5
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hope610 your boyfriend is very lucky to have you.;
Thank you. And he knows it
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Unread 06-20-2011, 02:27 PM   #6
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

I am bipolar and almost cheated on my husband a couple times during a recent episode. He doesn't know how close I got to doing it. Trouble with mania is these ideas we get feel so right at the time and we are sure we must do whatever it is we are compelled to do. And the hypersexuality is a killer. I spent a week thinking about nothing else.
A second chance seems to me to be an OK move in this situation, but you do have to get yourself therapy so you can move forward, if that's what you want.
I sympathize with you both.
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Unread 06-20-2011, 04:02 PM   #7
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

Hi hope610. I'm a bipolar guy and also go through hypersexual episodes so perhaps I can give some guy insight and what can possibly help your boyfriend to stay faithful going forward during your relationship?

I realise everyone is different and my bipolar condition might not be as severe as your boyfriend's but I find a personal value system drawn from my own personal philosophy helps restrain me from getting up to nonsense. At the time of my last relationship my partner and I also had a binding relationship promise/oath that I took very seriously. Our relationship itself ended because of natural personality differences, not because of any cheating.

I also found that consciously trying to not allow myself to be put in risky situations that could lead to cheating was also helpful, as when there's limited opportunity then the possible challenge to one's manic desires is almost nil.
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Unread 06-20-2011, 07:35 PM   #8
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

I know blueoctober already said it, but your boyfriend really is lucky to be with you. It can be so difficult for people who don't have bipolar to understand. It doesn't make his cheating ok, but the fact that you are understanding and willing to work with him says so much.

I hope everything works out!
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Unread 06-21-2011, 11:28 AM   #9
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

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Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist View Post
I am bipolar and almost cheated on my husband a couple times during a recent episode. He doesn't know how close I got to doing it. Trouble with mania is these ideas we get feel so right at the time and we are sure we must do whatever it is we are compelled to do. And the hypersexuality is a killer. I spent a week thinking about nothing else.
A second chance seems to me to be an OK move in this situation, but you do have to get yourself therapy so you can move forward, if that's what you want.
I sympathize with you both.
Thank you ladyjrnlist. I appreciate your insight. I am learning more about the disorder and how it affects people, which is very helpful. I do want to move forward. I have been trying to find an online support group for people who are dating or married to someone bipolar but no luck yet.
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Unread 06-21-2011, 11:31 AM   #10
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Default Re: Bipolar and Infidelity

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope_Walker View Post
Hi hope610. I'm a bipolar guy and also go through hypersexual episodes so perhaps I can give some guy insight and what can possibly help your boyfriend to stay faithful going forward during your relationship?

I realise everyone is different and my bipolar condition might not be as severe as your boyfriend's but I find a personal value system drawn from my own personal philosophy helps restrain me from getting up to nonsense. At the time of my last relationship my partner and I also had a binding relationship promise/oath that I took very seriously. Our relationship itself ended because of natural personality differences, not because of any cheating.

I also found that consciously trying to not allow myself to be put in risky situations that could lead to cheating was also helpful, as when there's limited opportunity then the possible challenge to one's manic desires is almost nil.
Thank you for your insight Hope Walker. My bf does not have a severe case of bipolar. I like your personal value system idea. Did you write anything down? My bf realizes he cannot put himself in situations likes these anymore. I just hope he sticks to that.
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