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Unread 06-18-2010, 09:28 PM   #1
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Unhappy How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

I am at a loss. My husband can't seem to make me happy lately. He feels everything he does is wrong. He would be right to feel that way, as I have been treating him that way. he can say the smallest thing, for example, his work schedule changed, and I get so mad and blow it way out of proportion. I explode at him and before I know it, I have twisted this small issue so much that I don't even remember what triggered it and it's too late to take it back.

I know on the inside as I am freaking the f out that I am being completely irrational, but at this point I can't stop. That reasonable voice inside is drowned out by the fire breathing dragon. However, some of my recent complaints have been valid things that would annoy anyone. I just don't know how to stop once I start. It seems like this is happening on a daily basis. He even went as far as to say that he was tired of the abuse from me. That made me feel like dog crap on the side of the road. I make myself sick sometimes. I love him so much and I am so sorry for how I treat him. I never want to become that person. I am so tired of hearing my voice in my head! Anyone else ever feel like that?

With all that being said, I have tried to reach out to him and help him understand me more. I told him a long time ago that I was hard to be with and that he could get out before it got messy if he didn't think he could handle it. He said he could and that he wasn't going anywhere. I know that making that statement doesn't excuse my behavior in any way. I just don't want him to stay with me out of guilt, or because he doesn't really "grasp" how I terrible I could possibly become.

I have tried to tell him a few triggers that I have, and that yes, he causes them. He has tried to change a few things, but it really seems like he makes an effort for a day or two, but then goes back to his old ways and then sets me off again. I need structure and organization in my routine and household for me to be stable. he is total chaos. Like a tornado picking up things and letting them fall where they may. I need to eat and sleep well; he is a co-conspirator when it comes to midnight sweet binges. He never goes to bed until late, and of course I want to spend time with him so I stay up, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening! This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it would take forever and a day to go through it all!
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Unread 06-18-2010, 11:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

I so understand what you say...

I love my hubby, he a great guy, but sometimes he just makes me so angry. Like you say, it can be over absolutely nothing, and I'll scream and shout and he'll get upset and look sad, then i feel bad, then I look around and see all the mess he leaves everywhere, and he knows that I can't handle it and it makes me mad all over again....

A couple of things that help us, is if I feel like I'm getting unreasonably mad, then I will walk away and come back after I've calmed down, and he knows to leave me alone then. If he thinks I'm being unfair, he will say "that's unfair, be reasonable" then we both walk away and cool off.

what has help the most is talking with my counsellor over what is making me upset, it is often not what it appears to be. and then learning to talk about what is really upsetting me with my hubby... it's a long hard road

Sorry about the rambleing....
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Unread 06-19-2010, 07:26 AM   #3
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

That makes sense to talk about what is really bothering me instead of the miniscule issue that started it. I do every once in a while sit him down and try to tell him the things that I need for him to do to help me, he will say okay and then he doesn't do much of it. He will try, but when he forgets over and over he uses the excuse that he can't change overnight. He says that every time, or when I ask him something about anything, his response is, "I don't know!" That is his token phrase when answering a complicated question.

I will try that though, telling him why I am really upset, thanks!
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Unread 06-21-2010, 11:37 AM   #4
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

I understand completely. I take meds at 8:15 every night so I am not completely drugged the next morning. But my husband always wants to stay up late. Knowing that then I will be unable to get up on time for work. Plus by 10:00 I am so tired I WANT to go to sleep. Also I try to quit drinking since I take medication so he goes out and buys a bottle of vodka or picks me up a bottle of wine. And by the end of the day with the kids I WANT that glass or two of wine. Theres other things that he does without considering I have bipolar. So I totally understand. I even printed him off some info about the bipolar but he never did read it. As long as he can handle my mood changes I guess he will continue to do the things that bothers my moods.
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Unread 06-21-2010, 08:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

kadesgirl09:
Are we married to the same man?! Just kidding! But seriously he sounds just like mine. I take my meds early so I won't be comatose the next day and he wants to stay up all night! I'm a dummy because I stay up with him because we don't see eachother much anymore. I lose sleep and we all know how that goes....Not good for us who need a stable routine to be normal. He doesn't get it. I too enjoy a glass(bottle)of wine after a long day(I have a 7 month old baby girl), but that isn't good for me, either. I feel all weirded out when I drink too much now.

We almost had another blowout today, actually. His family(mainly mother and father) have no respect for boundaries. I literally can't stand looking at my mother in law. She went to the dr's office today for an appointment (we go to the same dr) and talked to the office girl about our bill that our insurance company didn't pay!!!WTF? My dumbass husband is the one who told her in the first place. It isn't any of her business...oooooh I am so mad just thinking about it. Her and I are going to have words about this tomorrow. She has also called my daughter's pediatrician before because she didn't agree with rules that I had set for her keeping my daughter. Ahhhh, I am rambling...So sorry!
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Unread 06-22-2010, 12:20 AM   #6
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

so with you on the staying up late thing.... drives me nuts!!!! (literally) I tried telling him all about sleep wake cycles etc... didn't do a thing, lately I'll tell him when I'm going to bed, and then a bit later I'll ask him (nicely) to come to bed coz I can't sleep (please) and it works heaps better. I think he feels like he is being nice to me rather than doing something he has to do...
My hubby actively avoids learning anything about BP, he is a doctor but knows less than most of my friends, I also printed of info, I have stacks of books... but nothing..
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Unread 06-22-2010, 09:13 AM   #7
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

Mine's the same. I tell him what upsets me, or what triggers he is providing, and he changes for a day or 2, before going back to his old ways.
I've tried to teach him about BP, but it's not easy. I also told him that he's the rock in my life and that I need him to be there for me, and to keep me stable.

I try show him I'm angry without getting violent, and we've agreed that when I need time out, I go into the spare bedroom. When I really cannot cope, I just take 2 sleeping tabs (Or whatever you need) and I go to sleep. It's often when the anxiety comes through that I am most aggitated. It is then my fault (Well, I do have BP, so it's not technically my fault) and I allow myself to sleep it off and just get away from him, because it's not fair for him to go through.
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Unread 06-22-2010, 09:26 AM   #8
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

My husband doesn't conflict with my illness. I rarely get angry because I'm on medication now. It is mostly him getting angry over things but he calms down quickly when I talk to him.
You can try spending some time on your own doing things you enjoy maybe you need a break from your husband for a few hours a day then you will enjoy the time you spend with him more if it's less. Go for walks outside. Nobody wants to get angry in public so that will prevent you from arguing.
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Unread 06-22-2010, 12:25 PM   #9
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by onomonapetia View Post
We almost had another blowout today, actually. His family(mainly mother and father) have no respect for boundaries. I literally can't stand looking at my mother in law. She went to the dr's office today for an appointment (we go to the same dr) and talked to the office girl about our bill that our insurance company didn't pay!!!WTF? My dumbass husband is the one who told her in the first place. It isn't any of her business...oooooh I am so mad just thinking about it. Her and I are going to have words about this tomorrow. She has also called my daughter's pediatrician before because she didn't agree with rules that I had set for her keeping my daughter. Ahhhh, I am rambling...So sorry!

We must have the same mother-in-law too!! Thats crazy that she would bring the dr.s office into your lives like that. But I understand! Mine lives with us and its a daily thing for her to try and discipline my children or if one is grounded she will be like "Isnt he grounded? Im just asking because hes in the living room..." Like I didnt see that my own self. If one of us is home then I dont need an extra person disciplining my children.
I have a 1 year old, 3 year old and 11 year old plus my mother-in-law that lives with us and my oh so loving hubby. So, trust me, once those kids are in bed, its time for a bottle of wine. Do you only have one child?
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Unread 11-16-2012, 02:03 PM   #10
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Default Re: How can I stop being so irritated/angry with my husband!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by onomonapetia View Post
I am at a loss. My husband can't seem to make me happy lately. He feels everything he does is wrong. He would be right to feel that way, as I have been treating him that way. he can say the smallest thing, for example, his work schedule changed, and I get so mad and blow it way out of proportion. I explode at him and before I know it, I have twisted this small issue so much that I don't even remember what triggered it and it's too late to take it back.

I know on the inside as I am freaking the f out that I am being completely irrational, but at this point I can't stop. That reasonable voice inside is drowned out by the fire breathing dragon. However, some of my recent complaints have been valid things that would annoy anyone. I just don't know how to stop once I start. It seems like this is happening on a daily basis. He even went as far as to say that he was tired of the abuse from me. That made me feel like dog crap on the side of the road. I make myself sick sometimes. I love him so much and I am so sorry for how I treat him. I never want to become that person. I am so tired of hearing my voice in my head! Anyone else ever feel like that?

With all that being said, I have tried to reach out to him and help him understand me more. I told him a long time ago that I was hard to be with and that he could get out before it got messy if he didn't think he could handle it. He said he could and that he wasn't going anywhere. I know that making that statement doesn't excuse my behavior in any way. I just don't want him to stay with me out of guilt, or because he doesn't really "grasp" how I terrible I could possibly become.

I have tried to tell him a few triggers that I have, and that yes, he causes them. He has tried to change a few things, but it really seems like he makes an effort for a day or two, but then goes back to his old ways and then sets me off again. I need structure and organization in my routine and household for me to be stable. he is total chaos. Like a tornado picking up things and letting them fall where they may. I need to eat and sleep well; he is a co-conspirator when it comes to midnight sweet binges. He never goes to bed until late, and of course I want to spend time with him so I stay up, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

I just don't know what to do. Thanks for listening! This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it would take forever and a day to go through it all!
Wow! I feel the same way. I wonder how you two are doing now, 2 years later.
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