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Unread 05-17-2010, 06:49 PM   #1
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Default Always on the verge of tears...

Even when I've had a good day I always feel like i'm on the verge of tears. Any little thing will make my eyes well up and start leaking. I just had a great weekend with my family but most of the time, I felt like crying and I don't understand it. I was able to function most of the time even with so many people around me (I usually get very agitated and irritable when too many people are around) I laughed, I ate and I genuinely had a good time but off and on throughout the 2 days I would find myself ready to cry over some trivial detail. We had a cookout and I didn't have any BBQ sauce...most people think, ok that's a quick trip to the store, right? I was totally stressed for like 10 mins. I'm taking my meds every day like i'm supposed to and most of the time I don't feel any different. I have appointments with doc and therapist...hopefully they can come up with something that will help.
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Unread 05-17-2010, 07:46 PM   #2
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

I hope the pdoc or therapist will have some ideas for you!!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."

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Unread 05-17-2010, 10:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

I am spiraling very quickly into depression. I feel like utter crap, I can't motivate myself to do anything. Crying off an on for a little while now and can't seem to stop. Very negative thoughts. feeling hopeless. Worrying about what's going to happen to me and my daughter now that i'm unemployed. can't really talk to family about it cause i haven't told them that I lost my job. don't know what to do.
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Unread 05-18-2010, 06:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

I hope you can find a family member or close friend to really talk about. It sounds like you need help from someone close to you. If you lost your job, is there not disability or similar you can apply for?

Have your meds helped you in the past? It sounds like you need them adjusted. I'd write down my feelings that I am feeling right now, as by the time you see your p-doc you be ok, and not be able to really express your feelings. That's what I find, and then we battle to adjust my meds like we are supposed to.
How about going on holiday somewhere and allowing your mind to clear up; surrounding yourself with positive influences.

I'm not sure if it's typical of BP, but I can really empathises with being overly sensitive. I battle with this too. I usually land up in an arguement with my bf, and end up having to apologise. Try and slow down your reactions, and give yourself time to process the response you wish to give.
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Unread 05-18-2010, 07:21 AM   #5
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Changeling412 View Post
I am spiraling very quickly into depression. I feel like utter crap, I can't motivate myself to do anything. Crying off an on for a little while now and can't seem to stop. Very negative thoughts. feeling hopeless. Worrying about what's going to happen to me and my daughter now that i'm unemployed. can't really talk to family about it cause i haven't told them that I lost my job. don't know what to do.
When is your appointment with pdoc and therapist? They will be able to help you figure out if the depression is situational or chemical. It could be that your meds are still working, but you are depressed because of losing your job. It's hard to tell the difference. I have days where I am depressed and start thinking my meds aren't working anymore and then realize that it was actually caused by a life situation and after I work through it, the depression lifts on its own with no med adjustment. Hope that made sense, I'm still waking up. Take care!!!
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From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too."

My blog, "Life and Other Annoyances": http://jennikj.blogspot.com/


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Unread 05-18-2010, 07:37 AM   #6
Getting there! :-)
 
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

grizmom - i think you've raised a very important fact that we all need to remember. While we do suffer from BP, we are still human. Stress still takes its toll on us. And it's normal to experience the blues. While we may not be able to discern the blues from depression, we need to really be honest with ourselves, and realise when we have been through an experience that a "normal/healthy" person would also consider stressful.
It will make us more tolerable of our meds' functions and also more tolerable of ourselves - I think we are sometimes too hard on ourselves, and also get too frustrated too quickly.
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Unread 05-18-2010, 10:03 AM   #7
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

Thanks to everyone that responded...I appreciate your advice and will respond, however, i've been crying since last night, my head is killing me, i can barely see and I feel nauseous. I'm going to fix me some coffee and hope I feel close to being better and then i'll be back. Just wanted to say I appreciate you all...
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Unread 05-18-2010, 10:09 AM   #8
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

Changeling412 HUGZ HUGZ HUGZ!!!!
I pray that your cloud will lift soon!
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Dxd BP2 on the 04.06.2010
Dxd BPD and OCPD in 2011
Been unmedicated since 14.10.2011.


Being med-free doesn't make me irresponsible,or unstable.
It just makes me med-free
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Unread 05-19-2010, 02:16 AM   #9
Getting there! :-)
 
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

Hey there - are you feeling any better? Were you ever stable on your current combination of meds, or have you gotten worse? When are you meeting pdoc and T? I suggest you give them a call and tell them its urgent - possibly even move your appointments forward. You deserve to be happy and fully functioning; don't be afraid to reach out for help
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Unread 05-19-2010, 03:03 AM   #10
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Default Re: Always on the verge of tears...

I understand you. Always been emotionally unstable myself. 25 years plus of it. Hope you work things out

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