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Unread 10-26-2009, 09:54 PM   #1
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Unhappy Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Hello

I joined this forum minutes ago because I would like to act on an issue I seem to have.

In a broad sense, I would describe it as being unable to relate to people. However, I am uncertain whether that may be a symptom of something else.

Above saying that I am unable to relate to people, it might be more accurate to say that I either do not want to, or generally dislike people.

I by no means proclaim to be perfect myself. I can laugh at myself, am humble, and openly admit my faults and mistakes. I can also take and give praise easily. I can get along with people.

However, I do not feel that I WANT to get along with most people. I have little to no desire to associate. It is unintentional. It is not a cry for attention or to be different, it is more so that I have difficulty respecting people. I see people as being content with too low a level of sophistication and development - which I see as being terribly important.

Athletes, for example, I can not appreciate them. I can not like them. I can not respect them. I respect their self-discipline and devotion, but I can not respect them as a whole given that I can not agree with their unproductive objectives.

I care greatly for the community. Though personally I am not currently doing much for the community, it irritates me to see people devoting the majority of their time to unproductive activities. Unproductive in the sense that no development or sophistication derives for the community/humanity.

I am well aware that my perspective does not appear to be the norm. Masses of people spend much of their time appreciating sport whilst enjoying excessive amounts of alcohol. How can they do so? Are there not a million more intellectually, physically and emotionally stimulating matters one could concern themselves with? It need not be humanity. It could be anything, such as the deforestation of the Amazon. How can people be content to devote so much of their time to TV and sport?

I don't mean to offend anyone. I accept that one is free to live as one wants. I am not criticising. One can choose one's own way to live. I just mean to say that it is disappointing that we all are not aspiring for greater prosperity.

Personally, I see development for humanity as an obligation; one which I am currently failing at greatly contributing to, but nonetheless devoting myself to. Please note that I am not devoting myself to development for humanity to make up for past misconduct, recognition, praise, etc. What others think of me does not concern me. The motive is simply that I sincerely feel that it is something we are all socially responsible to devote ourselves to.

Coming back to the original point, I find it difficult to respect and thus sincerely like persons who do not have similar aspirations. This is causing a lot of trouble for me because it means that I can not sincerely appreciate the company of even half of my own family.

I would much like to be able to relate to other people better. To appreciate them for who they are. To not constantly be blinded by imperfections and be disappointed by almost everyone around me - whilst simultaneously being aware that they have done no wrong! Simply an insufficiency of noble activity.

I realise I have probably offended many people here and for that I offer my apologies. Please believe me that my intention was not to offend. I thought it necessitated to state the true extent of my perspective.

The closest thing I have found to a 'solution' for my 'problem' is to only associate with those I can respect - whilst distancing myself from everyone else. However, this would be a lonely and socially unhelpful path so I am disinclined to accept it.

If it would not be too much to ask, I would earnestly appreciate any comments which may lead to altering my perspective so I may be more appreciative of those around me

Thank you kindly,

Honeymocha
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Unread 10-31-2009, 10:43 PM   #2
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Hello honeymocha! Welcome to pc. It just sounds like you know what you like and what you don't. I think we all struggle with that. If you don't mind me asking why did you choose this forum to post in? Do you think you have a personality disorder?
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Unread 11-05-2009, 11:20 AM   #3
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Hello honeymocha and welcome to PC! I actually understand your aversion to associating with certain people and I do believe you posted in the right forum to get feedback on it.

I really don't like talking to people either, but not for the same reasons that you do. My problem is I have a hard time trusting people...and myself sometimes. It's kinda stupid, and although I don't feel antisocial all the time more often than not I really want people to just leave me alone...people I don't know, anyway.

I understand your viewpoint as well, though. I suppose some might be offended by your post, but since you apologized and stated your reasoning then that's the most you can do. While we're entitled to our own opinions and ways of life, so are you! You have a right to associate yourself with those you feel comfortable with. If people can't handle that, oh well.

However, isolating yourself doesn't seem the best path. Athletes are quite disciplined and many of the professional ones contribute to lots of different causes and charities, donating their time and money to help those less fortunate than themselves (NBA Cares, hehe). Not that that should help change how you feel, and I'm not an athlete so it really doesn't bother me. Giving them a chance (or anyone else, for that matter) is entirely up to you.

Good luck with getting feedback! I hope you find PC helpful in your quest for answers.
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Unread 11-18-2009, 11:29 PM   #4
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

thank you for your post!

I can relate in that about respecting certain persons/values.

It sounds like you know waht you want/don't want and need/don't need, out of the world.

I certainly respect that.

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Unread 11-18-2009, 11:48 PM   #5
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

I can respect your level of sophistication and intellectual development and certainly admire you for trying to fulfill your humanitarian obligations. Maybe it would help some if you realized that while we all appear unequal, each of us has special talents or even needs that allow others to fulfill their humanitarian obligations. The handicapped and the retarded, even the unsophistated have hidden strengths that we cannot outwardly appreciate, we can only take on faith. We need not associate with a begger in the street, but we cannot know what brought him to that place, and we can appreciate his strength in sleeping under a newspaper on a chilly evening. I think you will find many people you can associate with comfortably, and you should find inspiration in reading Ann Rand's books. Caring about You - billieJ
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Unread 12-05-2009, 10:31 AM   #6
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Hi Honeymocha regarding the unable to relate to people you are not alone. We are all unable to relate in some way or other for different reasons. But I applaud you as you can define what it is that you want from people. I find myself laughing at myself about responses to questions and how I could have answered differently . . . but then again thinking,"its OK." You mention that you associate with those of a similar thought and that meets your need.
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Unread 12-08-2009, 08:39 AM   #7
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

You begin by saying that you can get along with people but generally dislike them and do not want to associate with or get along with those you do not respect. You do not respect people who do not share your passion and sense of duty to make the world a better place.

Despite your disappointment with those who do not aspire to be more socially responsible, you seek insight into how better to appreciate those around you, notwithstanding their imperfections.

Let me say I respect your sense of duty. Perhaps you might assemble a group of like-minded people for the purpose of advocating for noble causes. The idea would be to educate people of the need to be more socially conscious. Those not part of the assemblage could be viewed as potential cohorts, and not civic deficients.

Thomas Jefferson said, "Every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle." As Jefferson intimates, those who disagree are still entitled to respect. You may want to keep that in mind.
 
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Unread 12-08-2009, 05:30 PM   #8
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Interesting conversation but I do not think you all relise that this forum is for the discussion of APD better known as a psychopath. I doubt anyone here wants to run into one of those. Look up the symptoms of APD
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Unread 12-09-2009, 10:51 PM   #9
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

I found honeymocha's point of view interesting. So I responded. If what I said here has no validity because I was inattentive to the disorder the forum was intended to address, I suppose two weeks of remedial reading is in order.

In the meantime, someone who notices this unfortunate circumstance might want to talk to a moderator about moving the thread to its appropriate venue. I will be busy avoiding running into a psychopath.
 
Unread 12-11-2009, 03:09 AM   #10
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Default Re: Unable to relate to people. Please help.

Yes, that was my only concern. Not saying posting here is wrong, its just that well...it is kind of confusing to those dealing with someone who has a diagnosed psychopath in their life. Plug this url into your browser: hare.org
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